Reviews for Keelson's Mistake
Glenn Dusting chapter 1 . 10/1/2008
I really liked the story idea that you've come up with here. I do however feel that you're giving away too much right at the start. It would be better if you could find a way to show us that Keelson is a teen-aged warlock rather than stating it and I wouldn't mention the mistakes until after it has happened. Starting the story with the children and their sick cat would allow you to have Keelson reveal that he is a teen-aged warlock through his conversation with them. I think that this would really help to pull the reader in more deeply into the tale. Concerning the dialogue, it does come across as a little too formal and un-natural. I would suggest relaxing the phrasing, especially with the kids. Also the family should be really angry with Keelson for turning their cat evil. If someone did that to my cat they'd better start running. I would expect the family to be banging on his door. You could use that to bring in Keelson's parents who could explain that their son is always making mistakes but that he is able to fix them. The idea is great I just fell that it needs a little more finessing to make it great. Keep Writing.