|Reviews for cross|
| clockwork kiss chapter 1 . 12/4/2008
ooh, great poem! i love the simplicity of the language. it totally captures the sparseness of the poem's subjects... sex, god, cross. the links of the chain was a nice metaphor, the touch about the family was nice and biting. critiques... hm, i'd take out one of the two 'my's in the first stanza. i think you should leave out the periods and punctuation all together. the line breaks and rythym hold the trains of thought together and the periods as they are are just distracting. great write! -mindy
| Naked Geese Reunion chapter 1 . 11/10/2008
Jesus Christ (apropos), this is so brilliant. From the very beginning (the naming, the summary), I knew I was going to adore this thing. Oh, but woe if I could've predicted that I would to such a degree. The imagery you create is astoundingly simple, and yet it can be looked at with a certain complexity; the very idea of the piece is something that warrants marvel, I think. Admittedly, you've involuntarily played on two things which I happen to take deep interest in; I imagine much of my adoration for this entry stems from that.
The spacing here really helped, as well; it seems as if you split the situation into "events", so to speak: mention the sex, then the biting of the chain, stop to inject two really powerful moments (suppressing screams, and then the family mention), then back to the religious bits; loved it!
You came on really strong in the last two sections, shifting paradigm from religion and sex to obvious feelings of - perhaps - regret and unwantedness. Heh, I feel I don't have enough of a command of the language to properly compliment this piece, but I shall gladly admit that I've a new favorite author. Cheers of the highest caliber, dear.
| alicer chapter 1 . 11/2/2008
dsfsfsfsdfsd GOD this is good. idk, it just...the idea of having sex and wanting to scream I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD is really really powerful. and maybe i can relate to this "at the point i am in my life" where i want to believe in god but am too much a sinner. or something like that. idk. "suppressing my screams" "i bit down on the chain clamping my teeth"...SUPER. i especially like the way you break up stanzas and line breaks, which is in a way i've never seen before.
| Tytherpol chapter 1 . 9/30/2008
i like it a lot
the formatting, esp
and the first stanza is really biting too