Reviews for Falling
Emmelynn chapter 1 . 4/14/2009
Dear winter meadow,

I just read the first chapter of your story 'Falling', and I want to give you a few suggestions. It depends on how you take them, still, I feel I should tell you what I found a bit out of the way.

Firstly, you begin your sentences too abruptly. That really put me off. Secondly, don't bring in things that apparently seem out of context, suddenly. The conversations sometimes become alien for the reader.

That is all I've got to say now. More when I review your next chapter.



PS: For any comments, post them on this review.
likefineprint chapter 4 . 10/27/2008
I'm glad you found my feedback helpful. (:

One thing that I find very interesting about your story is that the flashbacks seem to get more intense as she gets closer and closer to her demise. Even though the chapters are short and there is still an aura of mystery, I find myself being drawn to the main character and really wanting to know more about her.

I have another suggestion, mainly for organization's sake: you might want to try skipping a line between each speaker, just so that it looks a little less bunched up and it's easier on the eyes.

There are also a few grammatical errors, but again, nothing too critical.

I love the descriptions - you have quite a knack for writing those.

Lovely work, and I look forward to your next update!
likefineprint chapter 3 . 10/26/2008
I'm impressed by this story so far.

The writing style really adds to the intrigue of the plot - as a reader, I found myself really wanting to know more about the main character, and the fact that it's written in present tense makes it feel like it's happening right in front of me.

I also love how you are writing her fall in slow motion. And calling the main character 'Jane Doe' is simply brilliant.

I noticed some grammatical errors, but nothing too major, and I suspect that they're probably typos. ;) It might help to just re-read it a couple of times before you post, or you could get a beta-reader. [If you are interested in getting one, I humbly offer my services.]

My other suggestion - which is probably due to personal preference, so naturally, you can just ignore it if you want to - is that you might want to try writing the flashbacks in italic, or making a note before each one. Occasionally, I was a little bit confused at the sudden switch.

Overall, I really like the story. The plotline is very unique and interesting. It's mysterious and even somewhat chilling, and I hope you update soon. (:
queen-of-the-sand-castle chapter 3 . 10/18/2008
This is really interesting. I don't usually read this kind of stuff but you make it long but not agonizing to read. I really want to know what happens to Jane Doe and how everyone reacts. Please update soon!
XDelvokX chapter 3 . 10/17/2008
You know what? I believe that you have something here. I'm being serious too, I hate lying.

The mood, the atmosphere of the piece is PERFECT. You have just the right way of telling your story. The imagery, the poetic way in which you description flows (especially in Chapter 3) makes the story worthwhile on its own. In addition, the fragmentation of the piece, which I did not understand at first, helps to disorganize the reader in a way in which they can better experience the story. It is an EXCELLENT idea to do this.

The part with the guy who the girl falls for and the hope that is brought up and then crushed really touched me. I understand exactly how that feels. You captured it well.

However, no story is perfect, right? Your first chapter was a little off-putting. It just didn't do it for me. In-fact, I almost stopped reading after the first chapter but I kept going- and was glad I did. It's not the first part of chapter 1 (her description in the mental hospital) that drags it down. It's more the classroom scene. It appears rather unnessecary and contrived to me. However, after this is really begins to pick up.

Keep writing. I'm enjoying this! I want to see how it plays out. I'm looking forward to the climax of the story and am curious about what its going to be.

Marcee chapter 1 . 10/15/2008
I'm sorry I wasn't able to review earlier - I've been caught up.

Otherwise, this is a chilling piece. I liked the concept of falling from the stories; points for originality and it modifies how haunting the story really is. You're descriptive which gives the story a strong drive.

I'm not the best with critique honestly, but I did notice a few grammatical errors but they're nothing critical.

This is a good story. I'd like to read more of it. (And thank you for your review on my story!)
PastTheirPrime chapter 1 . 10/14/2008
This was really good.

The only criticisms I have are that you should always double-check your stories for grammatical errors (everyone makes mistakes, don't worry about it :P just saying), and you could stand to work on your dialogue a little bit more. As is the dialogue comes off as a little stiff or goofy. (ex: "hahahaha" should just be stated as someone laughing)

But other than that I really really enjoyed it. You used some great description and you did a really good job of creating a solid character.
kodkvnnrjgn chapter 1 . 10/4/2008
That was really interesting! You're made some good descriptions, which helped the flow.
Femilip chapter 1 . 10/4/2008
That was pretty good. Creepy in a cool way. I liked the last sentence, "Because the pull of gravity is guiding her directly down to the streets below."

xD Gave me slight chills.

There were a couple grammar errors, but, other than that, it was alright.