|Reviews for Them Plus Me Makes Three|
| Ernest Bloom chapter 1 . 10/1/2008
I like the way you refuse to give your sister the satisfaction of teaching you anything, so then you go to look it up yourself. Got a lotta spunk. And I suppose you deserve some kind of kudos for making the effort at all.
You've got some proofreading problems. You have a typo in explaining the phenomenon; you should say "With girls...and MULTIPLY it by three," not divide. As for Zach, three divided by three is one, not zero.
One thing to concentrate on in your writing is chattiness. This will come with time anyway, so don't worry TOO much about it now; still, it's one of the main issues that would improve all your work. Writing may be autobiographical, but it should never seem like a page from a diary. Look how this sentence becomes more powerful if you omit the last two words: "The 'Rule of Three' is a simple concept to me." It takes it from an unsupported opinion to a declamation of uncontested fact. See, really simple consideration given to your writing _before_ you post it for all the world to see can make it immediately and substantially more powerful. And rewrite, or reorder, sentences to achieve the same kind of improved focus. Compare these two versions:
I asked Zach, my friend, how many girls he's kissed before and he told me three.
I asked my friend Zach how many girls he's kissed, and he claimed three.
The parenthetical phrase "I hoped she had kissed no girls" is more effectively set apart in parentheses than commas (parenthetical/parentheses).
Things like that.