Reviews for Clash
Jordan Williams chapter 1 . 10/7/2008
uumm...dont really have much to say or critiquing...sorry about that...but...uumm...the story's cool...keep working on it...didnt really see any mistakes...i got what was happening...uumm...some parts though...i dunno if its me or just what im used to...but it kind of seems u write how u talk...which i do to...but when telling a story...i dunno if u want to emphasize w/ that or maybe thats what alot of ppl do...i know i do...sorry if this sounds confusing...again i dont really have much to say :(...but the story seems good...keep going w/ it D...any clarification just pm me.

sorry
Dawn Eidolon chapter 1 . 10/7/2008
Heh, this was pretty interesting. Poor Cameron, being stuck in the middle of a feud between two stupid boys. Indeed, when will she get some peace.

There is a little nit gritty detail you might want to watch out for. First, something like "“I need a favor.” He said" should be written "“I need a favor,” he said" A quotation shouldn't end in a period if proceeded by "he said" or "she said" or what have ya, because if the sentence ends within the quote it looks choppy, not to mention it's just grammatically incorrect.

Otherwise, it's all good. Your characters have very distinct personalities and the text is very animated. You may or may not want to be a little more descriptive in your writing, but that's up to you. Anyway, I hope this review helps!