|Reviews for this isn't about you|
| Little girl Big world chapter 1 . 10/9/2009
Oh wow, this is so wonderful. Like her scars tell a story of her insecurities and faults.
Painfully sad, but beautiful.
So much said in a short piece, I love haiku's.
| Little girl Big world chapter 3 . 8/3/2009
All of these we're wonderful! I liked the one about stealing crayons and then stealing hearts. This last one, all the different haiku's put together, I thought it was very clever. They're all very good both separately and together to make a story. Well done!
| pixy dust and fairytales chapter 3 . 5/6/2009
i liked it. i think you did a good job (:
| deefective chapter 3 . 4/28/2009
Hm, well as for the first haiku, the flow was nice at first but the second "and" in the third line throws it off. It seemed like you just needed to find a word to make that sentence into 5 syllables. The imagery was very vivid, though.
As for the second haiku, I like the description you had there of the "wolf in sheep's clothing". But I'm not so sure about the format of the haiku in general. The fact that you broke up basically one sentence and made it into a haiku makes it feel "un-haiku-y" to me. I'm not much of a fan of haiku's myself but I've read enough of them to get the gist.
I really like the 1st and 2nd lines of the third haiku because it just has that little kick of raw poetry. But the last line bothers me. I'm not sure what it is but I think because it can't really stand alone. I don't know. It doesn't seem to fit with the other two lines.
The fourth haiku sounds more like emotion than poetry but that's not a bad thing. The narrator seems distressed yet angry at the same time and I like the accusing tone of that last line. It's got a punch with every word.
And the fifth haiku seems a bit off with the rest of the piece to me. The rest of the piece had the tone of someone being hurt and describing how much they liked this person and how they felt at the fact that they only wanted a fling. But this one is more dry and bitter in tone and I could understand that if it flowed better with the rest but it just seemed really out of place.
As for the piece in whole, interesting idea there, to write a "story" in haikus. The feel of poetry in this piece has a different vibe than the usual rhyme-no-rhyme-pouring-my-heart-out-blah. Although, I do think that you could have written it better but good job anyway.
| young and the reckless chapter 2 . 4/22/2009
that is so adorably fantastic!
| mikey magee chapter 1 . 4/21/2009
I liked the brevity of this poem. It shows that you can have a powerful statement in just a few simple words.
The word choice was brilliant. Each word led up to something, and not a single line was wasted.
I didn't like the form though. All the dashes at the beginning seemed to take away from the effect, in my opinion at least.
Well done. Keep Writing!
| Greenery chapter 2 . 4/21/2009
Aw, this one is so cute! It makes me smile. It's perfect. :)
| Greenery chapter 1 . 4/21/2009
very emotional. it's a nice haiku, but so sad. i wish everyone knew no one is worthless. :(
i think the use of "could paint a million reasons" is brilliant. The right amount of syllables and it sounds fabulous.
| londonmascara chapter 2 . 4/17/2009
'you stole my crayons
in fifth grade, so i stole your
heart in eleventh.'
you are adorable.
this is so plain, so simple, so perfect. i dunno, it's like a glimpse into something i want and haven't been able to receive. it's lovely. just wonderful. :)
| pixy dust and fairytales chapter 2 . 4/14/2009
Aw, cute. (:
| a silenced revolution chapter 1 . 3/1/2009
it's ugly, it hurts, it's raw, but it's real.
the world needs more of this kind of honesty.
| Kikyuu chapter 1 . 12/7/2008
I liked the italicised "worthless" which adds real emphasis and a sense of degradation to the haiku. I disliked the use of the verb 'paint' since that seems out of place with the imagery of 'scars' used earlier. Is this going to be a collection? If so, I'd like to read more.
| Carus chapter 1 . 11/20/2008
I like the spaces in this. It's really different - I don't think I've seen it before. Is the line 'this is just the beginning' part of the poem? I wasn't too sure. I liked the way you italicised 'worthless'. It links in to the title well.
I've never reviewed such a short poem before ;)
| Sexy Vampirechick chapter 1 . 11/20/2008
Interesting like your going to make this into a collection of haikus (or other forms of poetry,doesn't matter).I liked this poem because it has powerful words which tells a lot more than it really says.
But I find that the last line,somehow didn't really fit in..or maybe it's just when I read,this is just the beginning.I sounded as if that line was meant to be there instead.
| simpleplan13 chapter 1 . 11/11/2008
A review from the Review Game on its first birthday to thank you for spreading the review love.
I didn't like the titles because it confused me. Why is the one on fp different than the one in the piece? I like the one in the piece a lot better. I would make that the title with fp too.
I like how the title (in the piece) adds to piece. Kinda like you said that and her response was to show you the scars, you know? It's a great additional dimension.
The piece itself is great. Powerful, great desctiption and a nice use of italics.