|Reviews for The People Called 'They'|
| smilebehappy chapter 1 . 10/11/2008
wow. this is SO awesome!
| TheBeautyOfTheGrave chapter 1 . 10/10/2008
Wow, this is great. I think it would do us all some good to remember what you said at the end, I think it would do me good...
You have such valuable lessons to teach us my dear and such original ways of imparting your wisdom. Keep it up :)
God Bless You
| WonderWing chapter 1 . 10/9/2008
Seems like you were trying to prove something to yourself if anything. I think this poem agitated me because it was so much like my own writing /
The rhyming scheme was fine, it was pretty average, actually, which made me think that you just had a lot to say and didn't care how ya said it. You did one thing to really tick me off, something I do and never realized til now in almost all my poems, and that is this: You get all worked up in this big story and elaboration, then when you get to the most vital part, the part about how it affected you, you ended it like a punk. Just threw in that piece of advice in the last half of the last stanza. Not to say that it isn't a good message, it definitely is, but honestly ya shoulda had at least another two stanzas at the end or something man. That was messed up. After readin all that I get to the end, after agreein with you the whole time (and sufferin through the typical rhyme scheme, but I can deal with that), after agreein with you and learning to understand how you feel you end it in a little Bible Channel Storytellers nicklemachine advice line.
I don't know if you really have been to all of these places but honestly it felt pretty cliche, all the generalizations you made. I mean damn, you musta wrote this when you were depressed as hell dude. I'm tryin to think of a positive thing about this and all I can think of is that it rhymed and flowed well. Well, I guess, good job on the consistant structure, it did make it very easy to read. You did a good job rhyming, too, and put in a fair bit of content between the short lines in ur stanzas.
Damn, I am an asshole. I can understand if it's hard for you to... accept... what I said. I'ma add you to my fave authors so I can find you next week when I'm on the computer again, cuz I gotta go now. I can't leave a comment like this without checkin out your other work, too. Have a good one /