|Reviews for october sky|
| envy me chapter 1 . 1/28/2009
Before I read the bottom I was going to ask you if this was about two girls. It's sweet and passionate. You get a very intimate feel from the four short paragraphs you've written. It's very sensual. Sexy but not in a degrading way at all.
I know that song from my all time favorite movie Cruel Intentions. I fucking love the soundtrack. And that songs on there
| B. J. Winters chapter 1 . 11/25/2008
The lack of capitalization adds to the approachableness of this piece. I like the visual imagery (particularly the "smiles only for mirrors" line). Overall it plants a warm picture.
Last line - you mean series - not serious - right?
The last paragraph - you mentioned you don't like it so I'll comment further. I think it might work better if the last line was more a "show". Rather than the writer seeing - perhaps the brand is displayed. Reworded: I'd strip to show "forever" written...(meaning the word isn't for self, but for the other) / As for the first line in that section - you've used the hands in each paragraph, and later in the line so you could break the pattern with lips, or fingers - some other word than 'hands'
Enjoyed it - I'll prowl around and read some more.
| Written chapter 1 . 10/21/2008
have I read your stuff before? the format seems immediately recognizable, and your name is familiar, but I can't tell.
I'm not using this review for the review game, because I feel like i've played enough already for today. I guess I was just curious and wanted to read this :)
[you had cherry red lips and ivory skin; your curves led me from your shoulders to your hips, so alluring and enticing, my eyes could only wander when it came to you.]
excellent description! the close proximity of the words lips and hips gives it a very poem feel. love.
[like they were nothing more than cards on a table, waiting to be played.]
love this. you could have compared kisses to something else, but this works better than anything else, because cards are for playing.
[forgetting we'd traded so many times, it was as if we were kissing ourselves.]
I dont know what to say! I guess its good this isnt for the RG... haha. I do like it.
gorgeous piece! it's so artistic, I just love it.
| detache chapter 1 . 10/12/2008
beautifully written, as all of your pieces.
| a certain slant of light chapter 1 . 10/12/2008
Please do. I'm in love with this (plus, I adore Placebo and Every You, Every Me is one of my favorite songs). God, this is just... Wow. Great job! :)