|Reviews for John McCain|
| PoetryQueen chapter 1 . 11/4/2008
I believe this was EXTREMELY well written. I am too young too vote, but our school had an election and I didn't know much about the candidates. We had to do a worksheet on both of them, but the info was from sites where all you heard was bad things about the other candidate. The reason I loved this is because you didn't play favorites, you just told the facts. This is the info I was looking for. Great job and God Bless!
| DavidSedarisFan chapter 1 . 10/17/2008
Vary your sentence structure and include an introduction outlining the way the paper will be organized to create a better flow. There are also a few fragments that need revising.
| moongazer7 chapter 1 . 10/16/2008
Hi, it’s Rachel
Wow, great overall. There are some unflowing spots, but that’s easy to fix. Turn it in as it is. You can do nothing with it now. I think you are a day ahead of me, anyways.
Fix this stuff for this site, but you should apply this review if you want to except it, for future persuasive and research essays.
First, you need to site the books and sites you found these things from. Heard of a bibliography? Write up one of those. Now for your argument part. I also made this mistake last year. Your argument is very one sided. We need some perspective on the other side too. We only know about McCain, but not obama. It’d be nice to have that in here, so we can compare the two. Prove why Obama isn’t a good choice. People would be persuaded better that way.
Also try a more creative title.
Yeah, I like it, though, I am glad some other young people support McCain. Too many young people support Obama for the dumbest reasons, and half of them have no good reasons. I am very glad you see it, and know who to choose for a good reason. I wish more youths would choose McCain. Way to go on your Choice!
| NSMounts chapter 1 . 10/16/2008
From a non-biased stand point, your essay is well-written but somewhat boring. I don't mean to insult you, but the facts you've listed read as just that: a list. The second half of the essay lists a bunch of overly used cliches that both Mccain and Obama, as well as most every other presidential candidate, has ranted and raved about during every interview and public speaking event. "Lower health care, improve education, decrease dependence on foreign oil, bla, bla, bla, bla." Bottom line is the things you've presented here don't really carry much weight. It's mostly a repetition of stuff we already know and a few useless facts that we don't. On a positive note, it is informative and with a little tweaking I'm sure it'd be just fine...well as fine as something supporting Mccain can be. ;)