|Reviews for 93 Steps|
| Who Is This Girl Anyway chapter 1 . 10/14/2011
I like the idealism in this. The city isn't totally romanticised, but it's shown as having a hectic beauty.
I like that you chose free verse for this poem. It comes across as a constant stream of thought, and I love the bits about plastic people and "An eyeblink until nature reclaims her own". There's something lovely about that image of nature forward rather than being ripped down.
| lianoid chapter 1 . 7/31/2010
I enjoyed the flow of this poem. It had a sort of experimental feel in regards to punctuation and some line structures. I quite enjoyed it overall, and especially enjoyed the lines that were in brackets.
I like that you begin the poem with the ninety-three steps because I felt like I was thrown into the action of climbing and it was a great way to kick off the piece. I really enjoyed how you put “look” on its own line separate from everything else. It make it stick out from the rest of the beginning and had an awesome effect.
I enjoyed the description of the houses and buildings being fugitives. I thought that was really clever and provided wonderful imagery for me. I especially liked the “carsnoiseheatfumesglass...” part because it really conveyed the vibe of an inner city. I thought that was kind of clever and I like that it made me feel squished and surrounded; just like if was in a city.
The line, “Over the city and pause –” was brilliant. Your use of a hyphen there worked beautifully with the line and made me take a a longer pause that worked in perfect synch with the line. I’m also really digging the line, - right ... there – because, again, your use of hyphens was perfect, and combined with ellipses it just made for a really awesome effect.
Overall, I think this is a very interesting poem you have here. Excellent imagery, clever use of punctuation and absorbing mash-up words provided for a really neat poem. Excellent work, Ali.
| Tekla chapter 1 . 10/25/2009
WCC review! :D
I really, really liked this piece. I've never been to Johannesburg (or even heard of it, really...) but I can relate really well to this. I'm from Chicago, and I miss it dearly, but lots of times I feel like it's mine. You expressed feelings and attachment really well in this piece. Nice!
I also liked the parts like [[carsnoiseheatfumesglass&brick&concrete]]. I think this accurately portrays the busy-ness of city life. I miss the city! rawrgh. D: anyway.
I've noticed you've used a LOT of dashes in this piece, though. While dashes are useful and more "dramatic" than commas, they're really easy to overdose on. I think there are a few places in here that simple commas would do fine; I was always taught that dashes are to create a longer pause than anything and should be used ultra-sparingly. It's up to you, though ]
[[her own/ his own/ its own/ (my own?) ]] I really liked these lines! :3 It's magical how we can take a huge, over-encompassing thing and make it our own. Well written.
[[Johannesburgers]] let me just say, LOL! that didn't really work out too well XD *cough, ahem*
[[ – right … there – (can you feel it?) ]] I LOVE these two lines! You make it seem almost sacred to claim something as your own. An intimate moment with you and the sights. Lovely. :3
Again, well done! :D (and don't forget to send Frac a prompt :P )
| Icyfire4w5 chapter 1 . 10/23/2009
Hi, I'm happy that you're proud of your city. Yup, I dare say that none of the cities in this world is ever perfect, though some cities are more dynamic than others. I appreciate phrases like "can you feel it?", which make this poem seem more like some sort of dialogue with your readers.
| Sine Penn chapter 1 . 10/17/2009
I really liked the pacing of this piece, the flow was really good and I think that it would translate well to spoken word. The imagery was also fantastic. I'm not familiar with the city, so I don't know if the image it brought to mind for me was what you were aiming for, but it was kind of surrealistic (maybe it's just me but the 93 steps brought to mind something sort of Picasso-like.
| rmzucker chapter 1 . 10/1/2009
im not much of poetry person, but i liked this one right from the start with the title. im still wondering what the 93 steps were tho-did u mean to not mention where they were, like was it a famous tower or something? im not familiar with johanesseburg. i like how the first and third last stanza are about the same thing, and that you personified the city at the end. however, at the part where you have all the words scrunched together, i don't think the & symbol is necessary since you didn't have it between the other words
| Fractured Illusion chapter 1 . 10/18/2008
"Houses and buildings fugitives among the trees"
Lovely line, shows you've got good creativity :)
Overall nice description of the city! The read was about a city, yes, but you still managed to make it interesting and dish out interesting perspectives (your city rather than Johannes)
Keep it up!
- Frac, from the Review marathon (link in profile) Check it out if you can :)