I enjoyed this! Most people don't seem to get me hooked on their stories on a first chapter. This was very interesting, though, and you've got me wanting more. (Unfortunately, it's 11:27 P.M. and my parents want me asleep, so I'll have to wait.)

It flowed very nicely, too. I didn't see many misplaced commas or anything common like that, so that means you looked over this one. Some people don't, and instead their “masterpiece” is a jumble of crud. Sometimes they're really good stories, too, and it drives me crazy.

Anyway, I really did enjoy your chapter, and I'll be back for more!

~Rébecca