|Reviews for Flies|
| jeremy1555 chapter 1 . 2/7
Its good but it could use some work. I understand it is your first story, its good for a first.
| pratik chapter 1 . 11/22/2014
good story man, but you should have put in more horror
| Werdna73 chapter 1 . 7/11/2013
That was good, chilling.
| Depkiller chapter 1 . 1/13/2013
THAT WHAS EPIC
| Sven chapter 1 . 10/4/2012
Great story, had me thrilled and excited! :)
| eiyuang999 chapter 1 . 5/23/2010
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| bleurgggh chapter 1 . 5/23/2010
Chilling. It rings true because a child like Jake, with little or no autonomy, would find it pleasing to have control over another's life. I didn't love the ending, but it left me shivering. Great work.
| O.F.F chapter 1 . 3/14/2009
Interesting plot, though it could be better if you were to expand on it some more. Give the readers a bit more insight into who Jake is and what he thinks. Also, the story looks and sounds so much better when you dont just outright state the characters personal background in the first paragraph. Let there be a little bit of a mystery, that will really pull readers in. There were also a few spelling and grammatical errors but I fear I'm a bit too lazy to pick them out again.
| asylum writer chapter 1 . 11/23/2008
This review is from the Review Marathon! (There's a link in my profile, if you're interested.)
I like the idea behind this. It really has the potential to be weird and creepy.
But I don't think it reached that potential. Most of the piece was: Jake tortures a fly, it dies, he looks for another fly, tortures that fly, it dies... it was boring. I was wondering how Jake wasn't bored. I couldn't understand how it would amuse him for months - if it had sounded more interesting, I might have believed that he could form an obsession with torturing flies. I just wasn't drawn into the story.
Some grammar stuff:
"Jakes reflexes where never very quick, but they where quick enough this time."
- "Jake's" instead of "Jakes" and "were" instead of "where".
"the flies wing came off"
- "fly's" instead of "flies"
"without it's wing"
- "its" instead of "it's". You use "it's" throughout the piece when it should just be "its".
"across the forth wall fairly quickly"
"fourth" instead of "forth"
These mistakes are all easy to fix, but they're things that spellcheck wouldn't find a problem with, so you need to check over it yourself too.
| Stewart MacDonald chapter 1 . 10/30/2008
HOLY FROCKING CHRIST!
Another instant classic. You have a knack for this, my friend. This was very King, and reminded me of Graveyard Shift. You know, with the giant rats? But it definitely had it's own flair. Wow, I'm glad none of my Aunts are crazy fly things.
I again compliment the narrative. Really makes it feel like a classic campfire story. I think these could go places, man. I'd even go as far to look into publication. They didn't scare me, I don't get scared by books, I just find them freaking awesome. Good luck with the one you're working on now, I definitely can't wait.
| e18shoes chapter 1 . 10/24/2008
This was downright freaky. But totally amazing!
You have great potential as a writer.
The next Stephen King...?
| S. M. Saves chapter 1 . 10/24/2008
Talk about the ultimate revenge! That's definitely one fly he won't be able to crush.
Plot-wise: Everything was set up very nicely Smooth running from the beginning to the end.
Excitement-wise: not much until the end. The beginning portion was a bit of a flat line until he decides to go up into the attic then BANG! He trips over something and the giant fly gets him. Work on making the beginning not as monotonous. I realize that whole point is that he kills flies but (although his ways are creative) it gets boring after awhile.