|Reviews for Soul Executioners|
| Eytha chapter 3 . 6/6/2010
A lot of things happen pretty quickly in this chapter. Unfortunately, it was difficult to follow and there seemed to be a lack of focus that was present in the other two chapters.
The Prince character mentions his spirit being hurt by Kenji, but there does not seem to be anything that happened in the last two chapters that indicated they fought. But Kenji does not seem to deny it, so that left me a little confused. If you provided some background to these events if they did happen that would help or if they did not having Kenji denying it would make things a little clearer.
It also seemed a little strange that Kenji suggested fighting to prove that the spirit was not hurt. I would think that the Prince would know if it was without needing a fight. So having the fight felt awkward to happen.
The last thing that seemed a little confusing was why Kenji was receiving an award that seemed like it would be given to someone with a long history. Unless a lot of time has passed in the story and Kenji had made some sort of name for times and did a lot to earn it, the award seemed a little out of place for him to receive.
It felt like you had some strong ideas and they could have been more fleshed out with a little spent on each. You could easily split the two parts up and expand on both providing more details to make each part a little more clear as to why they were happening. You can make them into really solid chapters with some more details. Keep up the hard work!
| Eytha chapter 2 . 5/27/2010
This chapter is less action oriented and paced a little slower than the previous chapter, but there's nothing wrong with that. I think that the pacing was fine for what you were doing.
It's still pretty early so I understand it, but it'd be nice to seem some development on Sakura since she seems to be a reoccurring character so far. It'll be interesting to learn more about her.
I was surprised that the Soul Tex fixed everything so quickly. I thought it was going to be more of a long term issue to deal with. But you introduced a new threat and had a very nice cliffhanger. Keep up the hard work!
| Eytha chapter 1 . 5/12/2010
I'm terribly sorry that it took me so long to review you back. I've been so busy with things that I haven't had the time to be able to do any reviews.
It was a little difficult to decide on which story I wanted to read, but this one seemed quite interesting. It started out a little normal, but I'm glad to see you taking things in a different and unique direction.
Grammar and structure, I only notice a couple of issues. There was a spelling error I saw and near the end where the brothers are talking quickly between each other all of the dialogue is in a single paragraph. I don't know if it was a mistake that Fiction Press made in the transfer (it's happened to me before), but you'll want to split up the paragraph for each change in speaker. Those points aside it is pretty solid.
The chapter seems to carry the reader along at its own pace that it sets with the very abrupt start that has the situation seem dire. All that seems to carry through on the end of the chapter. I think that is quite well done. The fight felt a little quick, but that's not really a bad thing for an introduction into the world that you're creating.
The effects and attacks that happen keep things interesting and fresh. So it'll be very interesting to see where it all leads to as you progress. The introduction of the mysterious power near the end leaves enough intrigue to be curious about what it is all about and wanting to know more.
The writing feels a little dialogue heavy with just enough description to know what is going on. Everything can be followed pretty clearly, so that is good, but the surrounding and people feels a little vague. I also noticed the tendency to have dialogue start the paragraph. This ends up breaking up the flow a little with all of the actions waiting on the character to speak.
Overall, these are minor points for a story that interesting and unique. I think it is good start for the story. Keep up the good work!
| Yaoi Love-Love Girl chapter 4 . 7/22/2009
This story is really good! I mean, I really like it but your formatting is a little wonky. Try double spacing and when dialouge is spoken you should seperate it and not leave it one big paragraph, it kind of looks like an eyesore or massive conglomoration of words.
Other then that, it's really good. I love your storyline as well and the whole story is very interesting. I can't wait to read more.