Reviews for Let's talk about us
simpleplan13 chapter 1 . 11/21/2008
"because I always forget to put it sugar."... in.. I think that was a typo not a grammar thing though

I really like this. I'm so behind on reviews it's been awhile since i've read this. The metaphor works really well and is different. Great job.
arcane devices chapter 1 . 10/31/2008
Let's actually talk about you, and your poetry. Now after giving this piece a thorough read multiple times, I only feel that it is fair to give you an honest review in terms of how I felt about the poetry as a whole. I think you were trying to establish a subtle, bittersweet tone which it accomplished to an extent but I felt that much of the criteria also backfired on you. The last line about the book in the first verse was a pretty cool way to start off, and then even the second verse seems pretty well structured keeping a loose hold with the first one and then all of a sudden... with the beginning of the third verse it's gone. The delicate, crafty tone you were shooting for was suddenly cut down but when initially reading it, I thought the piece would add to the climax you left. But to my disappointment, it goes back to that subtle tone you were aiming for giving the entirety of the poetry a really erratic feel without actually feeling poetic. Another problem I have with the poetry is the blatant contradiction to the title of the poem. You say "Let's talk about us" but what you're doing is talking about "you" for the most part, and "us" is just a secondary subjective to give your poem a qualification to say that the person you're referring to is someone important when there's really nothing in the poem that establishes that. It was also a bit cliche to my tastes, but I think that you really gave this a try and no matter what I say I won't be able to take away from the sincerity of your poem. Thank you for the read, and I hope to see another update from you soon.
Erlkoenigin chapter 1 . 10/27/2008
Wieder ein gutes Gedicht, die Wiederholungen sind magisch.
Just Theo chapter 1 . 10/27/2008
Lady Glass chapter 1 . 10/26/2008
Interesting, I like the longer stanzas, but the "Let's talk about us" and "Let's get to know each other better..." both sound like lines from a pop song.

I'm fairly certain this part you do on purpose, but it reads like you're just talking. There's not much rhythm or flow to it, especially in the longer stanzas. However, given the format and the way you've written it, I think that's done on purpose.

Overall, good poem. :) Keep writing,

Lady Glass
The Reverse Edge Blade chapter 1 . 10/26/2008
This was nice! Your message was really sweet, and you'd used really nice words to express it. I think I would've liked it better if you'd shortened the sentences, and perhaps a little more rhyming.

You're good with finding the right words! Keep it up!

The Reverse Edge Blade