Reviews for Marble Steps
636422 chapter 1 . 10/26/2008
I enjoyed the story. It had a reasonable weight upon the character, compelling the reader to press on, and it came together well enough in the end. But I feel it's superfluous. In such a short story, the atmosphere and actions of the characters are often more important than the setting. The story is considerably weakened by the excess of physical detail.

That more than half of the story consists of a single paragraph makes it difficult to read. It also doesn't help that the tense switches from past to present and back to past again, or that much of it is riddled with run-on sentences and inappropriate punctuation. There are several places where a period would be more effective than a comma. There are also places where there is no punctuation where there ought to be.

A quick example of punctuation, an edit and breakdown of the first sentence: "She shoved open the heavy doors. The brilliance of the sun surrounded her, reflecting off the tears damping her pale face."
Sekine Hana chapter 1 . 10/26/2008

This is a great story. It's very well-written, with very detailed imagery that created a great setting and mood for the story.

Love the heavy tone of your words which really reflects the crux of the story. The way the last few words allow readers to piece everything together is really good too.

Do note a few grammar errors. she steady(steadily) walked away...

She knew she must return there, the weight of her own tiara was a constant reminder of her lineage. (run-on sentence, either replace the comma with a semi-colon/full-stop, or change the second clause to 'the weight of her own tiara a constant reminder of her lineage.)

Just to help you with editing a little xD.

Grammar stuff aside, this story is really great. Well done!

-Sekine Hana