Reviews for A Plain Summer
Freaks for Jesus chapter 4 . 12/10/2008
double check the use of the word "minister".

i like your understanding of the culture, but the amish characters seem almost too proper, almost british.
Freaks for Jesus chapter 3 . 12/10/2008
you should explain the Amish terms more.
B. J. Winters chapter 9 . 12/6/2008
I liked the characters, they are well developed and I can picture them with the extensive description.

This phrase caught my eye: Whitney couldn’t argue with that fact. Bad things happened to good people, just as soon as good things happened to bad people. It was instances like that when she wondered where the hell karma was involved. {I’m not sure this makes your point – struggled with it}

“Three years in college and I still haven’t managed to loose any weight,” {lose}

Whitney crossed the room, “Bethany, I forgive you. Okay? What you did wansn’t that bad.” {wasn’t}

Bethany smiled, a real, genuine smile. She didn’t add to the comment, however. By-gones were by-gones. She looked her new friend over, remember how she had worn the same dress just a couple years ago. “Looks right gut on you,” she commented. {there is a typo here, and I didn’t like how many words you chose to make your point. I’d actually delete all but the dialogue. You’re pacing in this section slows dramatically since you go on with - the next: Bethany nodded, “Ay. Looks just fine.” / “Ay, looks gut Whitney,” she agreed. – {unnecessarily repetitive in my opinion}.

However, she was only human, as well. She wanted to trust God, and she would go to whatever length she needed to to keep from going back on that promise, but as she thought of the secret she had been keeping for over three months, she didn’t know if she could bear it anymore. {double 'to' word}

Beborah shook her head and lay a hand on his shoulder, {Deborah}
Written chapter 4 . 12/4/2008
oh, I loved this chapter! it was really nice seeing their point of view, for one thing... they are so interesting. and you seem quite confident with writing about them; did you do research or did you know amish people?

I love how unique this story is; it's a real draw because I don't know any other stories on fictionpress like this. this chapter just flew by; well done.
Written chapter 3 . 12/2/2008
comma after "tranquil clouds" I think... in the first sentence.

I like the descriptions of the airport and plane and stuff; I travel a lot, so I could relate!

[Whitney couldn’t tell weather or not he was suspicious]

you must mean "whether" here?

[before you can be let on the plane.”]

airport speak is usually "before you can board the plane". this isn't a typo, but just a note.

since you're describing something she is recalling, I would do the entire scene with past participle... is that what its called? by which I mean, instead of typing "he replied" you could type "he had replied". this might be too complicated or unneeded though.

lovely descriptions of the geography! I feel like I'm there or something.

wow, love it- all the characters are introduced well and it reads as very authentic. good chapter!
DaniE chapter 9 . 12/1/2008
I think this story is wonderful. Your characterizations are great, all the main players are well rounded, completely believable. I devoured all nine chapters in one setting, and I'm waiting for more! Please update soon.
princessarielle3 chapter 9 . 12/1/2008
Hello, this was a really good chapter I'm so glad you uploaded another chap!
Written chapter 2 . 12/1/2008
This is the review I owe you for the review game :)

okay, right from the start, I'd like to say that I like your writing style, as always. you're very good with making the story seem almost "book"ish and less like something that's published online, because of the level of detail you put in. it helps immerse me as a reader!

its longer paragraphs might put off some readers, but i like it.

here comes your second compliment: putting in the financial troubles is something I admire you for. there's enough stories with rich characters... a disproportionate amount, really. your characters are believably poor, not to the point of being pitiable, but to the point of being realistic; we've all been there. I like that!

two compliments, because I can't really find anything to pick at :) I like where this story is going.
mousetastic chapter 9 . 12/1/2008
I happen to love this story. I haven't found one recently that really peaked my interest in a while. Good work! I
The Mad Hatter chapter 9 . 11/30/2008
Hey I like your story! I wasnt going to finsh reading it at first but then I kinda got sucked into it! Update soon please!
Written chapter 1 . 11/30/2008
hey! I really like this.

things I like:

the collegey type setting. as I get older, I like reading about older people, and I like how you realistically portray the problems people my age have.

the characters: they all seem not only real, but also poeple I can relate to. they obviously have backgrounds and depth, which is very important!

the tone: your writing seems mature and well polished, and I love that haha. not much in the way of grammar errors and overall very good style and usage.

things I noticed that you might want to fix:

[Dr. Morrison nodded, “See you then.”]

should be a period and not a comma after "nodded" as "nodded" is not the same as "said" or "asked" or another regular dialogue tag. nodding is not speaking in any way, so to the best of my knowledge, you end that sentence before the dialogue.

you repeat this in other places as well. might want to check with someone who knows about dialogue tags?

other than that, no visible problems. nice, meaty chapter.
Twist Their Emotions chapter 9 . 11/30/2008
Oh, it's really getting good. You're creating a whole group of dynamic lovable characters with real emotions. It's great to read. Great job!
LeenElle chapter 1 . 11/28/2008
I've finally found the time to get started! Sorry it's taken me so long. So far I've definitely like the premise. I know that your inner editor has trouble cutting things, but some of the details and "telling" paragraphs didn't necessarily build anything important for me within the chapter. Like when she is dealing with all the traffic after waking up late. I found myself skimming over them, because it was a lot of the same thing. Other than that, I am totally excited about the rest, but unfortunately, can't read at this exact moment, hopefully more this weekend!
hopeless.romantic.x3 chapter 8 . 11/26/2008
this story is complety captivating. i can't wait to find out what happens next. great job on it!
Twist Their Emotions chapter 8 . 11/26/2008
Interesting. And I like that the plot is gaining more depth.
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