|Reviews for A Plain Summer|
| Sugarloafin chapter 1 . 3/2/2009
I like how you've given some hints as to what happened with Whitney's parents, but not the whole story yet. It gives just enough to understand her motivations, but not so much as to be cumbersome. I also liked how you explained it through a dream which in turn sparked the actions of the first half of the chapter.
I reallt like that the argument between Whitney's parents seems very realistic. It's obvious that neither side truly understands the position of the other, and that's how most real arguments work.
Good job on this beginning, and I will be reading more.
| Link Broken chapter 4 . 3/1/2009
i only found oen grammer mistake: "You’re Mama said" the "you're" should be "your." other than that it was good.
i like how we see the opposing viewpoints of the characters. it makes them more real.
| Manifest-Destiny-x X chapter 1 . 2/28/2009
Good start! I like where this plotline is going. The last sentence was a perfect way to end the chapter. Almost a mini-cliffhanger that makes want to click to the next chapter
I did think it was a bit long and jumped around a bit much for a first chapter. I usually prefer a shorter first chapter in order to grab the reader in an interesting and concise way.
| Link Broken chapter 3 . 2/28/2009
i really liked your accuracy. most people would think pennsylvania when they think amish, but ohio was a smart choice considering it showed that you knew what you were writing about
i also like the dialogue. i felt it really suited the characters and showed a lot about them.
one thing to correct. the term "atheist" means that you don't believe in God and don't believe that anyone else should either. "Agnostic" would be a more appropreate term. it means that you don't believe in God but you don't care if anyone else does.
| ByYourSide chapter 2 . 2/28/2009
I find myself falling more and more in love with this story with every chapter. I like the awkwardness between Whitney and her father, and can't wait to see how their relationship develops; I also like Whitney's friendship with Dr. Morrison. It makes me smile!
I can't wait to see her actually get immersed in Amish culture. I'm very excited for that, to see her relationship with a certain Amish boy and to see more about the Amish culture. I pray you'll continue the story and that God will bring lots of people to read this awesomeness. I do believe I'll become an avid reader.
| Link Broken chapter 2 . 2/28/2009
i only found one awkward sentence "thankfully...for which she was thankful." Other than that the grammer and spelling and structure were awesome!
i liked how we saw whitney's life in general as it is now. i think that really helps to give her character.
| Link Broken chapter 1 . 2/27/2009
i love your structure! it's so professional! Reading this was like reading an actual book
i also really like your description. i felt like i was there watching it happen. it was really good.
| ByYourSide chapter 1 . 2/27/2009
I admit I started this story a bit hesitantly; the summary seemed interesting and one can never have too much Christian fiction, but the length was a bit daunting and I found a typo in the beginning:
The anthropology classes at New York University began in approximately one hour, and it’s most dedicated student still lay in bed.
"It's" should be "its"-possessive.
Then, I was surprised.
I was surprised because I actually liked it. I really, really liked it. There's something to your writing that manages to be unique without being distracting, and descriptive without dragging the pace. I have negative attention span when it comes to reading on the internet, but I actually read through the entire chapter. I didn't skip around. I didn't skim. *claps* I actually liked it.
I'm not a fan of dreams or flashbacks, but the one at the beginning was an effective way of communicating the past. I want to know the problem with Whitney's dad. He seemed like such a good, Christian man. I'm actually a bit excited to see if anything changed in him and why she's so reluctant to call.
This is one of the few stories I actually hope to keep reading. In my opinion, a romance with an Amish boy is v. creative and v. interesting. I want to see where this is going. And I mean that!
More reviews in the future, methinks. :]
| dblack50 chapter 11 . 2/24/2009
I loved getting a chance to see into Connor's family. It will be nice to have more insight into him as this story progresses. He's certainly under a lot of stress trying to keep his family together.
| Mazkeraide chapter 1 . 2/21/2009
I thought the flashback/dream sequence about her mother seemed a little forced. While I am sure it was meant to give an idea of Whitney's past, it came off as really heavily pushing Christian values. The dialogue didn't seem especially realistic, either.
This was very well-written, however. Whitney seems very real, and while the plot isn't much yet, it was interesting.
| C.F. Anne chapter 11 . 2/20/2009
yay for the 11th chapter! hehe. And I enjoyed reading it, especially with it being from Connor's perspective, and knowing more about his family is always great too. :) I can't say much for myself since I've slacked on writing, but I do hope you can post another chapter soon. *wink*
| C.F. Anne chapter 10 . 2/20/2009
whoot! The roman numeral scene! haha! I loved it a lot! And that conversation with Connor was very cute! *can't wait to read more*
| C.F. Anne chapter 9 . 2/20/2009
EK! I'm SO glad that things are good with Bethany and Whitney...not like I didn't know it would happen. *wink* And YAY! She's pregnant again! You have no idea how happy that makes me. :) really. Yet again, another amazing chapter from you!
| Twist Their Emotions chapter 11 . 2/20/2009
| Nonlinear chapter 1 . 2/5/2009
For I Will Review...13 sentences:
This writing is strong, and I feel you know that, so if it’s okay I’ll stick to critique.
I want to point out that even though you write it well, the dream feels trite here. Whitney carries this past memory with her every moment of her life, so while I believe she could dream of the event, giving the reader a full-fledged flashback is annoying. Whitney sits on a bus for half an hour; you could write what the dream was about there, or during class, or when she freaks about not getting the grant.
Another issue I have is that I get the sense that Eileen committed suicide and you're hiding it, but I hope to God that isn't true. We're in Whitney's head, so we should know everything that she does, and that would be a big one to know.
What I would suggest to you for improvement is to use a lot more summary and exposition. Give us some broad strokes using a few choice words. It would contrast with the places where, via Whitney, you take us through scenes detail by detail. This mixture of writing types would improve the pacing and the audience's ability keep reading immeasurably.
This story beginning is strong, but it really drags in places where I start to wonder when -something- is actually going to happen. Frankly, there isn't enough action in this chapter to merit nearly 6,0 words. Since we don't know about the grant before she gets the letter and she is smug in her knowledge that she won't get in trouble for being late, there's no real conflict, tension, or resolution in the chapter to carry the reader's interest; tweak things so there is, and you’ll have something.