Reviews for Bible Belted
Fabian Cortez chapter 1 . 4/30/2012
Excellent! I could picture the entire scene and your word choice flow and structure are spot on. Great piece in your chosen subject.

After Reading this I would be very interested in your thoughts on my work, see what you think.

This is going to favourites.

Very Well Done


PS. I cannot get the spacing to stay between each stanza. Everytime I say in fictionpress it removes them. How have you done this?
simpleplan13 chapter 8 . 11/28/2010
Review Marathon this weekend! (link in my profile)

I kind of wished I had read the whole thing together to see the connections throughout, but just with the few chapters I read recently, I like the collection. It goes through parts of her life really well and you connect them together with certain repeated things like the brand of cigarettes for instance.

The only thing is at the end it seemed odd that her cousin's partner would give her comfort. It seemed more likely that her cousin would...

Anyway, this piece is beautiful. It is a great ending. It's much more straightforward and less metaphorical than the rest of the pieces, but that works especially well with the ending and simple comforts. Really well done.
simpleplan13 chapter 7 . 11/28/2010
The first stanza confused me a bit with the outside and then the inside out. It just seemed a bit like a contradiction for me. I did like the rest of the piece. I could not only see her sitting there, but I also got a great sense of her emotions. I really loved the R.E.M. reference. And the ending was great because it explained to the reader the reason for why she was feeling and acting this way.
simpleplan13 chapter 6 . 11/28/2010
I was really confused from the beginning because I didn't have any idea what Hillsong was... based on my google search I'm thinking it's a church, which makes sense, but I might put a a/n or something to clear that up.

I like how you went from kind of sweet and obeying girl in the first stanza to rebel in the second. It was an abrupt change that worked really well.

In the third stanza the last line threw me off. She pictures the insanity it invokes with this guy who calls on spirits, but what does the has refer back to? The sentence structure seemed off to me.

I did love those last two lines though. A bit humorous in tone. Great job!
simpleplan13 chapter 5 . 11/28/2010
Review Marathon this weekend (link in my profile)!

"It is a summer wedding and they are sweating out more/than the soaring temperatures of the weather."... this comparison seems really odd to me because I don't see the temperature as sweating. Unless you mean they're sweating more than is expected because of the temperature? But that was unclear to me...

I like this piece. You describe the two cousins really well and I especially liked the third stanza. The part about his future was a really great touch though I did kind of wish it would be followed by something about her future... the part about the matriarch was interesting as well.
Twyla Cole chapter 5 . 9/15/2010
I read all of them. This is such a wonderful series. This one was my favorite and it was one of the ones you wanted reviewed. SO here it goes.

You have a great flow to all of this. If you read it out loud, it makes you slow down just so you can say all the words correctly. It has a really natural flow and at the same time very poetic.

Your word choice is great! "God-Grandma" and "purgatory" are my favorites. Really the whole purgatory phrase. You definitely paint the picture of a family that religion rules over just within this poem. It was the first one I read and it immediately all made sense.

I noticed that you have a lot of foreshadowing or just jumping to the future and it gives a great juxtaposition for the "present" of the poem.

Overall, the whole was wonderful. I love the whole thing. You are quite talented...yet, I'm certain you already know that. Great job.
lookingwest chapter 3 . 11/19/2009
I really enjoyed this poem because of the images that were evoked through the writing, everything was neatly described and in the respect I also feel as though it fits nicely within the "church" order of things. I also love a poet who can use correct grammar, often too many don't and it's very annoying, but the way you structured and used grammar really created the poem into something new-a genuine story. My favorite stanza was the last because of the first two lines, it really resonates with wonderful imagery. You know exactly what you're doing with this piece, and that confidence is refreshing.
simpleplan13 chapter 4 . 2/7/2009
Haven't seen you around the Review Game. The Review Marathon (link in profile) is this weekend and we're lacking participants. Come join!

I love the last line. Her choosing McDonald's as the restaurant was really funny and a nice touch. Though I wouldn't put the second line in the title. I think the ending would have been more of a shocker.

I also like the quotations of member, it works well for those who know that you can never technically not be a member unless you're excommunicated. At least I'm pretty sure that's how it works.

I really can't think of anything that needs to be changed in this piece...
Isca chapter 4 . 1/17/2009
"It is a mature perfecting

of her relationship with God;

she gets to choose where to take the family

for brunch afterwards."

LOL! :D! I love the spiritual realization in the first to lines, and then the shift to the speaker's 'real thoughts' in the last two lines. It's so honest and realistic, which makes it so enjoyable to read!


Keep writing. You're amazing.

Isca chapter 2 . 1/17/2009
"Every week:

she smashes her mother’s favorite lamp,

teaches her baby sister to say ‘shit’

or throws her friend’s toys to the German

shepherds next door."

I'm laughing (in a good way).

This opening stanza is so blunt and energetic.

I love it! :D

"Suffocating every goldfish her mother buys." Oh wow! Twisted imagery! Very cool and creative!
Isca chapter 3 . 1/12/2009
"Her flower crown is already wilting." A lovely description of the speaker's 'sinful' nature.

"The communion wafer tastes like two minute noddles." AHAHAHA! :) That line just made my day! I'm glad someone put it all out in the open. The 'Body of Christ' tastes like instant!

"Hungry as she is, she almost asks for another." A wonderful final line!
Mourning Sickness chapter 3 . 1/12/2009
The last stanza is absolutely wonderful.
Edward Ruffin chapter 1 . 11/25/2008
The narrative progression within the detailed verse works well.

I have my own connections, somehow, even though none of this happened to me.

Once again, brevity makes for powerful effect.
Carus chapter 2 . 11/20/2008
Enjoyment - I really enjoyed this poem right from the title. It grabbed me and I thought - this one's gonna be interesting. And it is ] My favourite, favourite line in this is the second: 'Every week: / she breaks her mother's favourite lamp,' because it's just so good at showing how little the Catholic priests listen to confessions, and it's a great introduction to the rest of the poem. It's just so good at (subtly) showing how fake the confessions are, which is reinforced later on in the poem.

Stanzas - I thought that the breaking up of stanzas in this poem worked really well. Each stanza is about a different section of the description/story/events (not really sure what to call it ]), yet the 'But' at the beginning of the last stanza ties it altogether and links it to the rest of the poem. Sort of like in an essay where you say 'in conclusion...'.

Word choice - I thought the word choice in this poem has been really well thought out. One particular example is 'She never admits to playing Doctor' - the 'admits' shows that she knows it's wrong, you could have put said or something like that but you didn't. Which is good ] I also like the way you've kept the parts where it's sort of from the girl's point of view at a believable level of vocabulary for her age, yet when you write about what the priest says you put 'a stern admonition' which has the double effect of subtly changing characters AND showing your readers that you have a wide vocabulary.

Flow - I thought that overall the flow of the poem worked well. One tiny thing, though - the colon at the end of the first line seemed to interrupt the flow slightly, but then I understand that it's a list, so I don't know what you could do about that. But seriously, that is the most tiny thing ever, and it's all I could find to critique. I think that you're a really talented writer.

mate.feed.kill.repeat chapter 2 . 11/19/2008
To be honest, I don't know how to approach this in a review. I've been skimming through RG again but there's no way that I could come up with a useful critique for you. My level of analyzation is nowhere near your level of writing.

I liked it a lot, and here's why:

1. It flowed smoothly and beautifuly.

2. The stanzas were organized in a very logical manner and were not confusing.

3. The word choice fit just right.

4. The rhythm fit right in with the flow.

5. (Perhaps the most important.) The subject really made me think about myself and my experiences with Confession. My family's catholic but I feel like I don't fit in, so in churchy stuff like Confession and Adoration. I really think the last stanza did it for me. It's a combination of all the things that make this poem so readable that make it so easy to relate to. Honestly, if someone else had tried to say the same thing but was totally disorganized and lacking in the whole poetry thing... I wouldn't have read it. But yours kept my attention and it really made me think.

It's a great piece.

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