|Reviews for Stifling|
| Serenity Takaishi chapter 1 . 12/23/2008
wow. i felt a lot of emotion coming from it, and a big meaning. i liked it. and the lower case letters, i think made it more ... realistic almost. but, i didn't like the first few lines, becase i though there should be a pause, like before she stared, her glare, my noggin... it seemed to make more sense to me like that...
but this was well written :]
| DanceLikeNo-oneIsWatching chapter 1 . 12/21/2008
Wow. I really liked your use of words, and how you remained eloquent is such a desperate, sad poem. It is so easy to find poems written by authors who are too sorry for themselves to remain eloquent or even write a decent poem. You continued to use really great phrases and interesting verbs, despight challenging subject matter. On subjects matter, it seems like you could be a little more creative. Almost every single author here will have a poem or two about how they feel sad because someone is gone or they are unwanted or lonely. In this universe, there are so many things to write about worthy of a poem, And yet so many chose to write about heartbreak. It is a beautiful thing to write about, however; I think for all your eloquence and power with words, you could come up with something we haven't all heard before. Overall, I think this is a really great poem.
| Ashelin chapter 1 . 12/15/2008
Short, and interesting. I loved your use of rhyme, because it was so out of the ordinary. I don't know if it always was the best way to get your point across to the reader, but it was still lovely. I really liked the lines, "her iris averted my noggin assertion/the fibers of her complexion/stood smitten at her reflection". Your rhymes were just excellent, and so well-used. Great job.
| lymli chapter 1 . 11/11/2008
kinda desperate feeling, as if you can't help her..
| simpleplan13 chapter 1 . 10/29/2008
Your rhyme scheme was a bit all over the place, which bothered me, but the actual rhymes were nice. Not forced at all.
I also thought the word noggin seemed out of place with your other word choices which were more sophisticated. Also, I don't think you should end the poem with a sentence since it's not one long sentence.
Anyway it's a really nice piece, well done.
| crazyfirefly chapter 1 . 10/29/2008
Nice use of words though it might cloud the meaning a bit. Punctuation?