|Reviews for We Must Begin To Dream Again|
| steffxnie chapter 1 . 1/27/2010
'Skating through the sun chased skies' A beautiful opening line.
I love stanza 8, 9 and 10. Some amazing expressions!
You have a great choice for words. Wonderful descriptions and imagery.
There's something in here that sparkles. It's a lovely piece. :)
| xGekkeiju chapter 1 . 10/31/2008
First of all, you owe me NOTHING. This poem was all your own. As I said before, I do not pretend to own any rhyme scheme. I am glad, however, that I was able to spark your interest in this one, as you really seemed to take to it! You appear to have had a lot of fun with this, and I must say that I did too. I think it's a good rhyme scheme. (:
Okay, now to the actual criticism. The idea? Loved it. It's a wonderful intertwining of the adult world with forgotten fantasies! It made me really nostalgic and sad. Today, someone in my English class had a thesis that people become much more narrow-minded as they grow older, and this really tied into that for me. I loved it. It was very real, but at the same time it was marvelously magical. I really enjoyed the theme of it. Really. Well done!
Now, I've got a few little suggestions. First of all, with such a short, concise rhyme scheme like this, I think you might want to try a little harder to make all the syllables in the lines even. I mean comparatively. Some of the lines are a bit off - just in terms of syllables - and I think it would be fairly simple to edit that a bit and make it work. A few of your rhymes were rather forced ("cope" and "love", for example), but for the most part it was really, really nice. It flowed. One other thing about the rhyme is that when you have an AAB AAB structure, you might not want to make A and B sound similar, such as in the stanzas with "alive", "thrive", and "eyes". They aren't rhyming words, but they're still somewhat close to one another. Maybe I'm being too nitpicky now. Anyways, the flow was very nice - much better than usual, I think - but I'm hoping that with a few more tweaks, you can make it absolutely flawless. This is definitely your best rhyming poem yet, so I hope you continue to improve! You're doing absolutely amazing things!
The whole thing, as someone else mentioned, may have been slightly dragged out, but that's what happens when you let an idea simmer in your head for seven hours. All the stanzas had excellent imagery, though, so I don't mind as much. The entire thing is absolutely beautiful. Thank you for a most wonderful poem. This is definitely one of my favourites of yours. (:
I hope to be able to review more of your work soon. Again, I'm doing my best to keep up! Keep writing, and I'll definitely get to reviewing as soon as I've got another moment of spare time, my friend.
| Isca chapter 1 . 10/31/2008
It flows very well!
"Dreams the shape of roses fall to fire." That line is absolutely incredible! :D The imagery: WOW!
"Still, the Angel's requiem resounds." That line really hit home for me, as I love to sing the song 'Requiem' :).
I should stop quoting everything, but I can't help it, this poem is AMAZING!
| TaltushMeiMei chapter 1 . 10/31/2008
I've encountered the rhyming sequence before, I think, in a number of different poems so it seems unlikely that it's just the structure of one writer, but I'll most certainly look up the poem if it's so blatantly recommended. Meanwhile, I review your poem.
To be honest, like a long book, it took a while to get into it. I read it twice before even feeling like I had some sort of opinion about it. The problem isn't the length, but the almost repetitiveness. Lovely descriptions are lovely and all (and I do love them - these are very nicely done images), but to get to some bit of substantivity, I kind of had to dig deep. It's not that the point lacks a point. Actually, I kind of like that it has one, unlike most fluffy-pretty poems. The problem is that it's stretched out a bit too much. There don't need to be so many stanzas between "But modern worlds" and "Normality returns". "Sunshine beams", for instance, felt to me entirely filler and pointless, as though its only purpose was for the rhyming sequence (to which I say, the previous stanza was also kind of unnecessary, but less so). Some rhymes were also a bit forced, too ("Hanging, in its shame, its head" - not only is it rhyming head with head, but the sentence flows kind of jerkily compared to the other rhymes... you set a high standard).
In the end, I really like the poem. It brings to mind a number of clear, vivid images and presents me with a loose enough story that I can imagine whatever I want to it while still feeling like it's true. The rhyming structure is indeed pretty awesome, and you managed to make almost all of the rhymes flow naturally and comfortably, a pretty awesome achievement in itself. All in all, a very good poem, though with some shortening and tweaks, could possibly be made better.