Reviews for Hey Jude |
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![]() ![]() God, I love this story. It's really original and the narrator is funny, relatably awkward, and kickass all at once. I love Mikey and the scary demons, how crazy and real they are. My only complaints are the long, emotional conversations between Jude and Ion which, yeah, I basically skim, and the dearth of any spunky, important, well-developed female character, and a general lack of female presence through the story. I mean, I know this is a slash, and that was part of the reason I chose to read it, but that doesn't mean girl pOwer should be ignored... (okay, that sounded really stupid, but I hope you got my point) Other that that, I've been breezing through the chapters because it's so interesting, and I feel like you're a girl with a plan, and pretty soon, something epic is gonna happen. Just a feeling. Don't let me down. There are so many face palm moments and times when I literally snorted out loud (like when Jude shot the orange-haired guy for 'ruining the moment' between Mikey and Finn). Basically, I like the balance you struck between the action, comic relief, romance and supernatural elements of your story, and how you eased the reader into the world so that it all feltsmooth and natural. Just, the emotional conversations bog it all down and seem unrealistic for guys (even gay ones) to partake in, and some more awesome chicks need to hang around... Yeah, but keep it up. |
![]() ![]() ![]() I just reread this story, I'd forgotten how amazingly awesome it was _ I need to read the Ion and Jude side stories, I think I read Ions but it was so long ago...anyway I'm glad you didn't forget about this story _ it makes me happy _ See all my smilies? Makes me super happy hehe _ |
![]() ![]() "I think I'm in love," Mikey told me once he'd seated us on the couch. Well, this way awkward. fix: "I think I'm in love," Mikey told me once he'd seated us on the couch. Well, this was awkward. |
![]() ![]() "Easting up here. They made pasta." fix; "Eating up here. They made pasta." Unless this is some Aussie slang we 'Murcans don't get... XD |
![]() ![]() "I slid open my eyes, which had fallen shut at some point I couldn't see to recall, and looked between the two of them." fix: "I slid open my eyes, which had fallen shut at some point I couldn't seem to recall, and looked between the two of them." |
![]() ![]() "I told him about Maria and the half-demon child I suspected she carried, and I told him what Maria told made impatient noises throughout, but didn't interrupt. "What do we do?" I asked when I was done." fix: "I told him about Maria and the half-demon child I suspected she carried, and I told him what Maria told me while he made impatient noises throughout, but didn't interrupt. "What do we do?" I asked when I was done." |
![]() ![]() "Let me help?" I asked. One hand was pressed against my side to slow the bleeding. I hadn't lose enough to be dizzy. "I'm sorry. Please, I can help." fix: "Let me help?" I asked. One hand was pressed against my side to slow the bleeding. I hadn't lost enough to be dizzy. "I'm sorry. Please, I can help." |
![]() ![]() ""Get off me," she said, "Let go," and I did, realising as I backed up that was side was dripping new blood though any pain was numbed." fix: ""Get off me," she said, "Let go," and I did, realizing as I backed up that my side was dripping new blood though any pain was numbed." |
![]() ![]() ""We can't stop it," Delphi said. She said it like it was the truth. It was. "We're the bandaid on your amputation. We're the antiseptic wipe on your putrid would. We are the Ark."" fix: ""We can't stop it," Delphi said. She said it like it was the truth. It was. "We're the bandaid on your amputation. We're the antiseptic wipe on your putrid wound. We are the Ark."" |
![]() ![]() Ok this is just for the squees. ""I'm like a dog or something. Good sense of smell, not much of a sense of squick. I mean, I don't particularly like the smell of shit and such, but it's not something that bothers me much, either." Ion's genre aware! He's like Deadpool, minus the forth fall poking. |
![]() ![]() ""It occurs to me," I said as I pressed the button for our desired floor. "That with your olfactory senses being what they are, being surrounded by the smell of hundreds of people just wouldn't be that pleasant." fix: ""It occurs to me," I said as I pressed the button for our desired floor, "that with your olfactory senses being what they are, being surrounded by the smell of hundreds of people just wouldn't be that pleasant."" The quotes should be in the same sentence if one is a continuation of the other... |
![]() ![]() "It's Darcy, and I almost feel like laughing, but what the hell? How'd he get in and how'd he turn on the light? But then I remembered what he'd down with the stun gun." fix: "It's Darcy, and I almost felt like laughing, but what the hell? How had he gotten in and turned on the light? But then I remembered what he'd done with the stun gun." |
![]() ![]() "I shrug and rest one shoulder against the wall of the corridor." fix: "I shrugged and rested one shoulder against the wall of the corridor." |
![]() ![]() "A moment after he laid the radio back on, the screen flickered to life." fix: "A moment after he laid the radio back down, the screen flickered to life." |
![]() ![]() "I tried not to smirk at Wiley's threat. As far as I knew, the only weapon he had on him was the stun gun. Was he planning on going hand on hand with these guys?" fix: "I tried not to smirk at Wiley's threat. As far as I knew, the only weapon he had on him was the stun gun. Was he planning on going hand to hand with these guys?" |