Reviews for The Wonderful World of Imminent Doom
hughfj08 chapter 39 . 5/23/2012
okay, i have finished the whole thing now, and can give you my answer about the story as a whole.

Well to start off, quite frankly reading this gave me one hell of a headache. Now before you get all insulted and whatnot, let me explain.

I'm one of those people who cannot stand looking at a computer screen for long in one stretch, it leads to, surprise surprise, a headache,

Well, it so happens I just couldn't pull myself away from the story, I started and got sucked in, I had to read the whole thing.

So really that reading it gave me a headache is a compliment.

I loved the humour that you incorporated into it. It just fit in so well, even when you were talking directly to the reader, I didn't feel that the story was being interrupted at all. It just flowed so smoothly.

I did however find that in the closing chapters it did feel like you were rushing to the end, but even so this had no real effect of the story as a whole.

The other thing I would point out is when switching character POV's in the middle of a chapter, a page break or something similar (like a line going across the page) is required, sometimes when it switched suddenly I didn't realise until a name was mentioned of a person who shouldn't have been in the previous scene, which forces me to read back up alittle to find where the swap over took place.

Again not a large issue, but just something of a convenience for the reader.

occasionally at the earlier chapters the new words stumped me a little and I had to look back at your translation bit to remind myself what that word meant, and was much happier when you started including a translation following the words (when they were full phrases). Not really an issue at all, as you encounter this in many fantasy/scifi novels, just liked your change of approach.

So overall an excellent piece, and I look forward to further works from you.

Regards
hughfj08 chapter 3 . 5/22/2012
ohay, first off, truth be told, I havent finished this chapter yet.

I'm about half way through an I already have a smile on my face,

I already have a feeling I'm gonna thoroughly enjoy reading the next 30 chapters :)

Will give a proper review when I've finished the whole thing.

Looking forward to it :D
Mreeb chapter 25 . 10/5/2009
This chapter was awesome. You know why? I'll tell you. Because, in any other context, it would be simply adorable and fluffy and fun. And it is. But its placement here in the story also makes it COMPLETELY HEART BREAKING (between all the heartbreaking and forgetting to breath and general anxiety, it's really a wonder that I've survived this long). Especially the end of the chapter (and especially then in comparison to the last line of the previous chapter). And it kind of makes me panic and worry and fret about the safety of the character who was captured. This is good (not good for my emotional health, but a good sign for the story and your writing). Side note: “But that’s its home! Do you want my mind to be homeless? Do you, Sim?” made me laugh a LOT. Seriously, I freakin' love Tig. I think he may be my favourite character (the fact that I'm still not sure at this point is a very good thing that comments on how much I love all the characters, and is most certainly not a sign that they are all bland or similar or something else bad that would make it hard to decide on a favourite - they are NONE OF THOSE bad things :D).
Mreeb chapter 24 . 10/5/2009
I...I think...I think I'm in love with Sen!

That is all.

No, that's not all, this chapter was too packed with intensity to pretend that my increasing affection for Sen is the only thing worth mentioning. But on the topic of Sen and the reason I now love her more than ever before: Best. Love. Confession. EVER. Seriously. Not gonna lie, I was a little wary of it when she started out all "mushy" (for lack of a better word). I kind of thought "No, Sen, you were all hardcore and awesome, don't get all weirdly romantic!" and I worried she was gonna get out of character, but then she TOTALLY DIDN'T. And it was awesome! As soon as Tig was a (lovable) idiot and Sen got all exasperated I was like "YES, excellent, THIS is how their romantic relationship should be, I LOVE it!" and I also love how Sen made Tig realize his feelings too (if I was Sen, as soon as he denied it I would have been like "Oh, Ok then, sorry, bye" and then probably cried for a while) because most people can't tell when someone likes them, but Sen is cool headed enough that she can and it is totally true to her character (I think, anyways) because she is JUST THAT AWESOME. Also, “WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME I WAS IN LOVE WITH YOU?” has got to be one of the greatest lines EVER. I laughed and laughed. Classic.

And now for something completely depressing! Tal is also totally breaking my heart (but in a good way?). It's really sweet to see the tender older brother side of Tig, I like it. But more on Tal; it was inevitable that what these kids are going through was going to have serious psychological effects, so I'm glad to see you're dealing with that (but not actually glad, because it's really really sad, but...you know what I mean...I hope). Well done. The image I get in my head of Tig carrying a crying Tal is so heartbreaking that it makes me want to cry, and then ending the chapter with this image and the line "I should've told him" skipped breaking my heart altogether and just went straight to ripping it out and letting it beat pitifully on the floor. Very powerful end to the chapter. As always, awesome job!
Mreeb chapter 23 . 10/5/2009
I'm back, with another review! You thought you'd gotten rid of me, didn't you? Or that maybe I'd died...or something. But no. I just got intensely busy. I actually read this chapter quite awhile ago but didn't have time to review. But it didn't take much to refresh my memory. Very, very, VERY good chapter. Funerals have potential to be corny, but are always a nice touch when done well, and this was most definitely done well! I especially liked that there was still a little bit of humour (albeit, bitter-sweet humour)throughout. One suggestion - I think maybe the "Do you want to be alone?" line could have gone to Tal rather than Kit. It just seems like, especially given her current situation with Sim, that she would be very empathetic towards Zephyr's situation. That said, I do think it does still work with Kit saying it, since she obviously knows Zephyr better than Tal, so that's just something to consider. The descriptions of Zephyr's thoughts immediately following were VERY powerful, especially the paragraph of vengeful thoughts and the paragraph of wanting to wake from a nightmare separated by a 'No' all on its own. Not only was it well written, but the formatting there (specifically the 'no' on its own) made it visually effective as well, something that makes a bigger difference than some people think, so good for you. It was the biggest tear jerker for me, that's for sure. Again, very, very well done.
CaveDwellers chapter 39 . 8/1/2009
It is so strange that the war is continuing now that Shaid is dead-of course, Evim is still alive, but still. I thought that once her control had broken her forces would crumble with her.

This guy is way too much of a prankster at heart to be a proper news caster.

Oh no, Penne. *sad*

"He looked bored for once."

For once. Oh man.

And there's nothing going on-no wonder he isn't excited. *rolls eyes with amusement*

"He threw up a fist and fell backwards in his chair."

Oh, this guy is funny. I think I'm warming up to him.

"they were screwed with a capital s"

I don't think that's proper news anchor dialogue.

Ten MILLION? Was it really worth it? I don't think it was so worth it. Not at all. Ten million...

And the effects of all he's gone through begin to show. It's so strange to see Sim in anything resembling a normal situation. He stands out like a great red blob of Damaged.

"She smiled, knowing how excited her brother would be excited to hear that."

You can probably see what's wrong with that one.

Sim's sister is cute.

"Just happened" sounds really suspicious, for some reason.

Aw, Sen's a meanie. She makes it so Tig just can't win.

And wait. His mother is around to potentially see all of this? Daring.

Falling via hug-tackle. Ouch.

Oh yeah. He doesn't know about Kaye and Zephyr. I forgot about that.

Oh, all that talk about death and living was so corny! I'm sorry, it was only natural for them to say it, but it was.

Does all that arm against the eyes bit look like I think it does, like one of those overly dramatic soap operas?

"And of course such a sweet moment was destined to be ruined."

Course. We need some comedy to accompany our drama and grimness.

"Tal interrupted, "Sim, it's Tig. That's how it works.""

Touche.

Oh geez, I've heard the name before but I can't remember for the life of me who Shea is. He is totally gonna bust through her defenses.

Haha. I love how only a free drink will make Kit stop.

She's so jagged, both in dialogue and personality. All that swearing...

It's so sad because she's showing what they are all eventually going to feel. It's just coming faster and harder because she was so close to Kaye and Zephyr.

Kit carries a purse? That strikes me as something she would scoff at.

"This was one of the cons of falling in love with Kit."

Maybe nobody should bring it up, but a lot of things are cons when you fall in love with Kit.

"“I’b in lub wib you. I won’ leb go.”"

I think Shea is marginally suicidal.

That look. Kaye and Zephyr inadvertently gave her a new start, I think. She's sticking with it for them, but eventually she'll do it for herself.

"getting the feeling that they should let Kit and her friend alone for the time being."

Ehem. Yeah. Friend.

I could rant, but I don't think it would make a difference. I liked that last scene, because it was powerful and did justice to the memorials that mean something to those that fought in this world. It was a good ending.

Great job! I can't wait to see what you come up with for NaNoWriMo this year!

'Til next,

CD 1.0
CaveDwellers chapter 38 . 8/1/2009
Oh, I'm glad I reread What A Rush for an update, then.

Oh, Sim. Good. I wanted to see how he was.

What's wrong with a revolution led by Shilyr's cousin?

I've got a Sorin character, too. Spelt Sorren, though.

"He looked back at the navigator, another human named Wynn, and gave her a look that asked her to spare mercy on the poor guy"

Did you mean "HAVE some mercy on the poor guy"?

Quick question: did you come up with a list of names before hand, or come up with them on the spot?

Poor Lieutenant Yden. I wouldn't want to give Shaid bad news, either.

Shaid had liked Penne? Weird.

Why not be reassured? You're practically taking over the galaxy. There is nothing to fear Yden. (almost serious)

Oh, I can see why Shaid liked Penne now. She's one tough cookie.

It's so weird to hear Shilyr called Gesin. I like he surname better, I think.

Wow. That whole scene with Hala and Shaid and Shilyr, just... wow. Talk about psyche issues. The whole lot of them.

I hope Hala and Shilyr survived the explosion.

Ohh, Hala and Kelio moment. They're adorable.

"Everything Derkaz represented."

I really liked the power behind that sentence, for some reason. It struck me.

I can't believe the story is practically done, with only one more chapter. It doesn't seem possible that it will all be wrapped up in just that...

Well, I guess I'll just have to read and find out.

'Til next,

CD 1.0
CaveDwellers chapter 37 . 8/1/2009
I've been avoiding the author's notes when I go to press the review button, lest I see spoilers again, but I did notice that you started this chapter in January. That must mean either major plot or fluff. We'll see which it is.

Well, I'm glad that Tal's peoples in the Land Cruiser have gotten a little better since the beginning. Mass awkward silences stink.

Good feeling's gone. Rats.

Oh yes, when all else fails the glitter button is there for you. Keep it positive, Tig. We're all rooting for you.

Only nine months? Goodness, it could have been years, the characters have changed so much.

Poor Klya. Poor people. I hardly know where they would begin to recoup after the war.

"Kit shook her head. "No, Tig. You are the demons.""

XDD Well said.

'Til next,

CD 1.0
CaveDwellers chapter 36 . 8/1/2009
I know the chapter's already a bit long, but the first bit of this felt a little too passive for comfort.

But I get why the fighting was so light now. You were playing with our heads. (false accusation voice)

"Tig seemed very proud of the fact that he had given some unknown entity a direct order, but why he thought the entity would listen to him in the first place was a mystery."

Oh, you're having fun with this, aren't you? He's constantly referring to this "entity."

Oh, jealousy, you are rearing your ugly green head with the best of them. Poor Ori-at least Sen can explain why now. Better than not knowing.

That song is no-doubt going to become a nursery rhyme.

"We had a deal, person who is ruining my life!"

Well, you're not dead or utterly humiliated, I would say that person is upholding their part quite well.

Ah, Tal is just making a fool of herself now, with all of those poor jokes.

Tig still has ego? (joking)

Nope. He's using a glitter ray. (cracking up)

Oh Kit, you need to love something better than killing people. What will happen to you when the war is over?

"They were the definition of "walking quietly" in a very literal sense."

Maybe because they don't want to fight a war any more than you do. That's the sad part.

Aw, Tig's romanticism is so CUTE! I loved the sweetness of that whole last blurb.

'Til next,

CD 1.0
CaveDwellers chapter 35 . 8/1/2009
Ah! I was going down to click the review button and I saw the author's note. Spoiler alert! Not my intent, in the least... oh well. Might as well find out exactly how Zephyr dies now.

"...Tal was getting even more excited because the small town was not that far away from Klya"

If Klya isn't in shambles right now...

Loru is also a flirt, I'm thinking. Either that or he's naturally a weenie. (meant with lots of affection, of course)

Funny how they all seem to group together in the middle of an epic battle...

Bah, what does height have to do with power? I think that maybe you should at least add that he had some meat on him, otherwise the guy Tal is facing isn't intimidating.

"...and as if someone wanted to confirm Tal's worst fears, she suddenly heard him scream."

Who he? Zephyr or Loru?

Oh, nevermind. Assumption I made because I knew Zephyr was gonna die. You know what they say about assuming...

This blacking out and getting needlessly violent and scream-y is a Tal and Sim thing, isn't it?

I cracked up at Tig's confusion, simply cracked up. 61?

Well, when you actually announce the number of people you've lost it really sounds bitter, Tal.

Huh. Dramatic. True, but I can totally see that on the silver screen. ;P

Hey, I thought being the voice of doom was depressed Tal's job! Don't do this, Zephyr!

Oh, who am I kidding? I read the author's note.

In response to your question, however, I am torn between "thoughtful" and "philosophical." The speech was short, sweet and to the point, and left a lot of room for thought.

...

That was supposed to be a joke, but it came out a bit more morbidly than it did in my head. Sorry.

Apples. An apple a day keeps the doctor away...

'Til next,

CD 1.0
CaveDwellers chapter 34 . 8/1/2009
I don't know what it is about that first sentence, but I can totally feel the ball of excitement in my throat for Tal, increased by the adrenaline of the whole situation.

I think she needs Loru more than she expects. Just a feeling. He helps her.

What was a bad idea? I didn't quite get it-was I supposed to?

Of COURSE kills need to be verified-what sort of rookie are you. XDD

Oh, moments of loving rivalry, swearing and unfair three-legged races. Gotta love 'em, I suppose, since this is the extent of the comedy relief these days.

I think the other forces had a plan, and that's why this is so easy.

oh, being lost in the woods stinks. Gotta be a large one, too, if you can wander around for hours and still remain lost.

Why didn't Lai fly away before, if she could?

Maybe heartburn would be a better description of the fire. I've got some right now, and I think I just connected with Kit.

Well, is Kit developing a taste for blood or what?

""Why do the coolest things happen when no one is around!""

I don't know, but I've been asking the same thing myself for years.

Perhaps it was intentional, but Lai and Kit turned into the exact same creatures in this last scene.

'Til next,

CD 1.0
CaveDwellers chapter 33 . 8/1/2009
I think this is two months late? Something like that. I apologize all the same for my complete and utter lack of timeliness. It was a six week summer program in which I camped five of the seven days a week, and the days I was home and on the computer I either a: avoided the internet or b: was not in any mood to review/read anything. So yes. My excuses this time 'round. Onto my review:

Had to reread the last chapter and update myself...

Oh. Tal's diary.

"...let’s just say- I don’t think I should write it."

I think you should!

Just noticed the fact that she journals daily. Wow. Talk about consistency. I could never do that.

So wait. Tig is wearing short shorts when he's "all hot and bothered"? Isn't that a little... risque?

They are cruising quite comfortably compared to Sim, huh? Girl's days... honestly... ;P

Aw, last time they had cake was at the wedding... that brings back sad memories...

Nice, Loru. Very considerate of you. *rolls eyes in amusement*

"They would be landing in the north, each starship landing at different areas"

A little too much of the word landing. May I suggest something along the lines of "They would be landing in the North, each starship in a different area"?

I've decided that Tig is a complete and utter adrenaline junkie. I wonder who there is afraid of heights...

"Oh no they di-in't..."

XD How slap stick is this guy?

Poor Zephyr. I totally understand-I just admire him for actually going through with it.

'Til next,

CD 1.0
Mreeb chapter 22 . 7/30/2009
Even though you apparently had a tough time writing this chapter, it didn't show. Once again, it was super intense, I forgot to breathe, the usual. Augh, I'm so worried about Sim! I am also excited, however, about the new setting. I like the idea of ending up on a post-apocalyptic planet, especially one that was destroyed the last war, because now I'm thinking about what else, besides just the characters and their beloved ships, is at stake. It reminds me that crazy crap is going down on other planets where these characters' families are, and how will they be affected psychologically if they get word something terrible going down over there? So now I'm worried about them too for the sake of the characters I know and love. Also, the shouting of "*'S GONE!" made flutterings of the nervous/sad/sympathetic variety in my tummy.
Mreeb chapter 21 . 7/28/2009
Well. There you go. I don't hate you. There may be a slight pulsing hostility towards you moving through me, but certainly not hate. Becuase we all know how hard it is to kill a character. And you did a beautiful job. I don't want to spoil things for people who are just reading reviews to decide whether or not to read the story, but the end of the death scene, where one character screams to another that a third character is dying was very effective. I felt his panic, her denial, the dying character's calmness, and it was very upsetting (in a good way). I'm a big fan of a good death scene, and find the most effective are the unexpected. The character who died (from here on in to be known by the code name CWD) was not entirely unexpected because of the foreshadowing in chapters proceding (something I also like, 'cause it freaks readers out), but this can be remedied in a few ways - you succesfully found one of these ways by first making us worry about another character instead (the one who got all stabbed and taken away before a confession - I am very anxious about that, by the way) and then writing a fight scene for CWD that was like the other's CWD has had, but then interupting it abruptly with the attack from behind. Very sudden and very sad - well done. I think it is very brave to kill characters because it is something I personally find very painful. If no one had died in a story about war, it would not have been credible, so I do understand completely why CWD had to die. Also, by killing CWD, we readers now know you are willing to kill off characters and there will therefore be even more tension in coming battles. Also, very unfortunate (in a good way) timing with the death which really brings home the tragedy. All in all, well done on a difficult task.

I should also note, a few chapters back (I just kept reading instead of reviewing...I'm hooked!) you once again very effectively used the news reports to further the plot. Just thought I should mention that. Now, if you'll excuse me, I think I'll go watch several hours of Pushing Daisies in an attempt to cheer myself up...
Mreeb chapter 18 . 7/27/2009
*explodes in a ball of cuteness/nervous energy about what's going to happen to these wonderful characters/frustration that Sim is being stupid when he and Tal have to MAKE BABIES NOW/general well-written awesomeness/nervous energy about what's going to happen to these wonderful characters (it needed to be said twice)*
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