:D :D :D I love this story! Thanks for putting all the work in to make it an even better story!

It's been yearssss! You're gonna kill meeeee

aw

uber sad face

i wanted to read more!

more please!

bring it back TT

please update me...i'm so sad and lonely.

It’s been 4 years now… :(

Soooooo... are the re-writes going to be up anytime soon? Just wondering.

NOOOO!

I'm interested. Hoping you'll finish your rewrites soon, because it is the end of summer 2011 right now!

The beginning's definitely a bit shaky; I don't think I could actually see a guy get dared to kiss a statue and then do it based on those taunts, but for the sake of fiction and a good story, I'm willing to hand out some exaggerations.

You are incredibly mean for leaving chapters up and having nothing in them with the story status set as complete.

You do realize you can get reported for abuse for those reasons, right? I'd hate to see that happen to this story, especially since it's just getting interesting. If I were you, I'd consider taking all of the non-chapters down and updating as you edit/review/whatever.

Anyway, thanks for the read.

I can't wait for you to finish editing this fic, I love it already even after only reading one chapter. Was so devastated to find the subsequent 6 chapters all blank :(.

3333

Heading off to read the second book now :D just a heads up when you're editing this one's draft: Keyd flew at one point after losing his wing. And Alan knew that Keyd could pull a sword out of his face before it actually happened, leaving me a bit confused initially. Looking forward to reading more! Thanks for sharing.

Just an error, probably something that slipped through if you're doing re-writes, but keyd is flying, and a few chapters ago he lost a wing, which we were categorically told would not grow back. Also, there was a chronological error because you explained his sword tattoo in the library, but earlier in the park when they were showing alan proof, you already mentioned it as a given.

I think you should give Alan more of a background story and more personality, something to ease readers into the story and convey how special he is. Like maybe he feels a strange pull towards the statues upon first seeing them...maybe while he was growing up he sometimes senses things or sees he can't explain...I don't know...something! anything at all to make the beginning of the story feel less random, and more...I don't know...predestined? Connected? Meaningful? I mean, he's obviously very important and very powerful, but his very ordinary and uneventful life doesn't fit the intense and epic feel of the story. Alan has hidden powers and there's all this crazy shit happening in the world... yet he hasn't felt or experienced anything (prior to kissing the statue) that clues us in to his potential. Just, all of a sudden, one day his powers start kindling. It's so out-of-the-blue; he kissed a statue and then its like a domino effect. All hell breaks loose and now he suddenly has powers and must fight evil. Is that awakening the oenclar suppose to awaken something within him and trigger his powers? If yes, how come his reaction to it was so flat, so uneventful? I think you should expand more on that and convey how momentous that was. Otherwise, it doesn't make sense. Nothing happens for the first 20 something years of Alan's life, then suddenly he can see the gais and then the clarbach appears, and they fight these epic battles...what, was Aiheel just waiting around for Keyd and Rysa to wake up before making his move? Why hasn't he done anything before then? But...anyway, what I'm trying to say is that you need to tell us more about Alan. So many incredible things happen to and around him, but we don't know much of anything about him to really connect with him. It's this disjointed feeling that kept me from enjoying the story fully. I love love love where you're going with the plot, I just think you also need to add more foundation, establish more history for the narrator to really get us rooting for him. Right now Keyd is more interesting than Alan is, and the guy barely even speaks. We practically live in Alan's head, but if you ask me to describe his personality or name one interesting thing about him, I would be stumped because there is nothing exciting or funny or relatable about him at all. And even if the story is as incredible as this one is, if the main character is only so-so, then it's an incredible waste and detracts from the overall quality of the story.

I have the feeling, Alan's being brainwashed by both sides. o.O

Found this through the LJ comm the_slash_pile and I absolutely love these characters! Off to read the rest :)