|Reviews for I Liked You Last Year|
| Silencia chapter 1 . 2/12/2010
I like this one, it's cute X3
| Solemn Coyote chapter 1 . 12/25/2009
Thank you very much for the review. Rasta is kinda someone I'd like to meet, too. There aren't nearly enough well-dressed, talking timberwolves in literature these days. Maybe I'll see about setting up another story for him to show up in.
In the meantime, here's a review in return.
1) I'm a little split on the repetition of "I was in love with you last year," in the opening few paragraphs. On the one hand, it makes for a really nice study of how characters' actions can give meaning to dialog. The second time it gets said, it has this whole host of new connotations tagged onto it, and I love that. On the other hand, though, I don't know the characters well enough yet to really make sense of that first 'that was creepy', so a little bit more description there might help things out.
2) Alicia could stand to be a little more impish when she walks in on Ezra and Paula. The way I understand the story, it's a sort of teasing, half-romance. Alicia's comment ("I'd believe you if you weren't lying on top of Paula, Ez, and I know you well enough to think, Polly. Considering how bright you are, you should know what I think.") is a step in the right direction, but you might be able to get a little more punch out of it by making it shorter. More provocative. The "close the door if you're going to make out" line is great, and more in that vein wouldn't hurt the scene at all.
3)"Suddenly, as if realizing what she had said, she pushed him away and bolted. Ezra was on his feet and following her in a minute. She was walking home like she always had, head held proudly" This would be stronger as its own scene. Spend a little more time on what she's thinking and feeling while she's bolting out of the house, and I think you'll get a much stronger emotional reaction from your readers here.
4) The ending is a little bit...Harry-Potter-book-seven-epilogue-y, if that makes any sense to you. Yes, it wraps things up neatly. But I think the emotions you're working with here are so much more powerful when they don't wrap up neatly. Not without a lot of struggling first. I'd suggest maybe cutting the last scene right before Paula finds out if Ezra is still single or not. But that might be because I'm an unkind old git and don't like seeing people happy :P
Also, this is terribly unromantic of me, but I really feel I ought to point out that "I want to have a career. This means we need to not see each other for eight years until I've got that accomplished," is not a great basis for a relationship, let alone a marriage. It works in print...just, not so well in reality.
5) Overall, I liked this story quite a bit. Yes, I was nitpicky. That wasn't because I thought your writing was bad, though. Truth be told, I had to dig kind of deep to get at things I could critique, so that's probably a compliment.
I thought your story did what its tagline promised; which was to be a little bit quirky and sweet. You write romances rather well, and the first half of the middle scene was adorable.
Keep writing. Your style is two things: marketable, and good.
| meduse chapter 1 . 11/1/2008
Oh, this story was so cute! I loved it!