Reviews for show me her smile
half-sketched.staccatos chapter 1 . 11/8/2008
konban wa

1. You don't need the quotations around the word "sins." In poetry for the most part when you would think you need quotes, you don't. In fact, I use them pretty much only for dialogues in my poems. The whole point of petry is for interpretation, for people to look deeper at it than first glance and understand that her sins were not actual sins but ones perceived by her abuser.

2. For the last stanza, which I think is stunning, by the way, I think you should change the last line slightly: from what it is to "and i couldn't speak a word." The reason I think that is because in the first line of the stanza, you use the words "tell you," so it sounds slightly repetitive.

Other than that, I have no criticism. Excellent job!

Ha det

-Shan-
Isca chapter 1 . 11/7/2008
I loved the third section! A dance of sins. Amazing! :)
if.i.had.1.wish chapter 1 . 11/7/2008
Aww, this is so sad :(
softersin chapter 1 . 11/7/2008
Heartbreaking.