Reviews for Optimal Expressions
Life in Technicolor Fashion chapter 6 . 2/16/2012
Oh. my. god. I suddenly have fallen in love with you... you've seen a movie that almost noone has ever seen. Another Gay Movie. You are now even more awesome that I pegged you to be before.
Momers chapter 9 . 6/11/2010
Monique Me

Marni My mom

Thamen My dad

Monique: Goddamn it! I want a Ring Pop!

Micky: You have an Oral Fixation?

Monique: Yes I have an Oral Fixation! LET ME SUCK ON SOMETHING.

Jak: Oh yeah!

Monique: Oh no Koolaide man, you fix the fucking wall!

Carson: I don't like my drinks to wear tights!

(About Justin Bieber)

Amanda: Why hasn't he hit puberty yet?

Monique: Either he's a freak of nature or a thirteen year old girl.


Monique: He's deffienetly a thirteen year old girl.

Amanda: Black Prius!

Monique: I'm, notasgayasIwasyesterday.

Amanda: (laughs)

Marni: So yaoi is?

Monique: Essentially over glorrified gay porn.

Marni: And Ema made Carson read it?

Monique: Yes.

Marni: And that's why Carson thinks he's gay?

Monique: Yes.


Monique: Gimmie your gay porn Ema!

Ema: It's yaoi stupid caramel baby!

Monique: Shut up hand over the porn!

Lexi: I can pass for Mexican!

Juvenal: NO! I can do this with my eyes closed!

Juvenal: (closes eyes, points to Lexi) WHITE GIRL!

Marni: (laughs)

Monique: (goes to drink vitamin water)

Marni: NO!

Monique: (drinks it anyways, spits it out in alarm) What the hell mom! Cigarettes! Really?

Marni: Well I thought you would notice...

Monique: Why would I look for cigarettes in the Vitamin Water?

Monique: The Eleventh Doctor is so hot.

Amanda: Tenth Doctor was hotter and so much better. You always love your first doctor.

Monique: Was the Tenth your first doctor?

Amanda: No, the ninth was.

Amanda: Fine! He gave me a handjob!

Ema: I'm gonna graduate in two years! And they'll be like "NO." and I'll be like "...Yes."

Monique: Can we please just go back to talking about music?

Monique: That is IT, I'm stealing the Fountain of Youth from Johnny Depp.

Amanda: And Ozzy Osborn.

Monique: No, he ages. He has the Elixar of Life or something.

Amanda: The Sorcers Stone.


Amanda: KIRA!


(Note, Caliey is six)

Ema: So you see, God is a girl and she's our friend. We call her God because she has the softest hair ever.

Monique: Even though Tom supposedly controls everything.

Ema: So yes, God is a Girl.

Caliey: But God is a boy!

Ema: She is a girl and we are friends with her!

Caliey:...But, God is a boy!
psychojunglecat122 chapter 9 . 4/8/2010
I love you. Therefore, I have humorous quotes to submit.

Jen: Some guy just grabbed my ass!

Mattie: Well, this is going to sound really bad...but that dress is kind of...

Jen: What? This dress isn't even that short!

Mattie: I know! It's just...with the spaghetti strap and your high heels...if you were standing on a, you know, a street corner...people might get the wrong impression...

Jen: Oh, great. My best friend thinks I look like a ho.

Jen: I got to lay out today. See, I got some color!

Mattie: Aw, yeah. Your chest is all red.

Jen: Well, yeah. But it'll get really tan in a few days!

Mattie: Yeah, and then it'll get all flaky and nasty-looking... Jen: Oh great, so now I'm a flaky ho!

Mattie: I kind of like being short. I'm only 5"9'

Corinne: Yeah, and you could still find a girl that's 5"8'.

Mattie: ...

Corinne: ...Oh, wow. I just realized how dumb that was.

(ees funny 'cuz mattie is gay)

Isis: Dad, is it cool if I drink at parties?

Mattie: Isis, that isn't exactly the kind of question you're supposed to ask your dad.

Mr. M: long as there's no driving...filming pornos...or acting weird in public.

Mattie: Isis! Put your skirt down!

Isis: No! I refuse to be contained!

Occupants of Grocery Story: ...

Mr. S: I'm handling a case right now for a woman who was the mistress of a millionaire. Except she wasn't his only mistress, and then he gave her herpes without telling her.

Mattie: Oh my god. You have got to be kidding me.

Mr. S: No. And so now she's suing him for four million dollars. And she'll win.

Evan: As if that makes it alright that he gave her herpes.

Mattie: Are you joking? I would totally get herpes for four million dollars!

Gretchen: Dude, my physics teacher has gotten so cranky since he stopped drinking. My grade has gone down so much!

Celine: I was driving the other day. I'm getting better, but I still can't really turn.

Boomer: Can it just be noted that the valedictorian of the junior class doesn't know how to turn a car?

Mattie: At least I don't bleed out of my genitals every month.

Kaitlyn: You WILL!

Mattie: What kind of person names their child Merlot?

Rachel: An alcoholic, obviously. Jordan and I are lucky we weren't named Whiskey and Vodka.

Mr. S: You guys have a quiz tomorrow. Be prepared.

Corinne: Wait, was that a clue?

Mr. S: Would you like me to draw you a map?

Mattie: Please and thank you.

Mr. S: (draws on board)

Mattie: Mr. S, I asked for a map. Not a deformed rhinocerous.

Jen: Dude, did you know that shoelaces make great headbands?

Mattie: ...

Jen: I love not having homework. It lets me explore other things!

Mattie: Bueno. Estoy going to hablo only-o espanol. El okay?

Mattie: I'm going to bring a riding crop to school tomorrow and every time I sense you being negative, I'm gonna smack you.

Lauren: A what?

Mattie: A riding crop.

Lauren Valentine: Oh you've got to be shitting me.

Mattie: Well it's either a riding crop or cookies. And no, I don't feed you the cookies. I throw them at your head and I'm like "Bitch stop being so damn negative!"
AlbinoApples chapter 9 . 2/22/2010
You are amazing and I love your mother. 'Nuff said.
NekoRinChan chapter 9 . 6/22/2009
Lol, the cheese popcorn situation kind of happened with me. xD Except it was with corn. I had just cut it off the cob and was going to sit back down to eat it and I dropped it. D: Made me very sad. Lol.
The Forgotten Child chapter 9 . 6/18/2009
You my dear, have one strange life.
Karasu chapter 9 . 6/15/2009
Aw, shit, I have another one floating around here somewhere that you can submit. (:

AND BTW, I fell asleep after the whole bra ordeal. I was tired. But I woke up to a text from you that said "I think my judgement is impeached." XD Lol'd for that one, you betcha I did.

Anyway, when I get back from Texas, we'll start collecting more Rainbow Vomit funny quotes. 8D

Also, good for your mommy! 8Dd She's a tough bird~
in the city of neon and chrome chapter 9 . 6/14/2009
hahahahahahahahahah! god, i totally forgot i'd given you that quote! thanks for posting it! .x3
Max-Ashworth chapter 9 . 6/12/2009
lol omg. I've tried telling stories to people who were there when it happens. Actually, I do that a lot.

Only, I don't drink. . They get angry...

Fun stuff. ;)
Sunshine Bear chapter 9 . 6/11/2009
I'm going to talk to you on MSN.

Right now.
in the city of neon and chrome chapter 6 . 3/16/2009
haha. u & ur friends remind me of me & my friends. ]

once my friend olivia & i were im'ing each other, & our convo went something like this...

Olivia: I think you have a beautiful ass.

Lin: Oh, really?

Olivia: It makes me want to write poetry.

Lin: Poetry about what?

Olivia: Sunshine and butterflies and porn.

but wats really funny about this is I'M the lesbain, & SHE'S completely fucking straight.



Red Dynamite
Chelsmonster chapter 8 . 2/19/2009
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA! You are SO great! I wish I could wear you around my neck so I will always be there you say such wanky shit! I LOVE YOU!
Jayson chapter 8 . 2/13/2009
Laughed my ass off. nice.
Max-Ashworth chapter 8 . 2/10/2009
Dude! YES! I don't care about Grammys or anything, but apparently my friend Anastasia does because she told me that Blink-182 got back together and I almost killed her I hugged her so hard. (I don't even need to go lesbo for anyone because I'm already BI. MWHAHA. Although she doesn't appreciate my love much, being straight. Sigh.)


Maggie: Oh, fifth grade...the good old days. You had Mr. Freeman, right Janet?

Janet (little sister): Yeah. I hate him.

Maggie: Psh, everyone hates him. But I remember one time he threw Amedeo's desk at him. 'Cuz it was unorganized.

Janet: Yeah, well he threw his last desk last year 'cuz he got fired. He's working the district office now.

Maggie: HOLY SHIT! PWNED, BITCH! Teach you to throw desks and talk about soccer during reading time. Fail.

Janet: *shakes head and walks away*


Maggie: Butterflies are probably the most terrifying flying insect around here.

Friends: What?

Maggie: *turns to Bobby* You know what I'm talking about! THE BUTTERFLIES, BOBBY?


Maggie: Not here...

Friends: What the hell...?

Maggie: They divebombed us while we were playing badmitton! We smacked them to the ground with the raquet BUT THEY BOUNCED BACK UP!

Bobby: You could hear the wings beat! It was like a horror movie!

Friends: *disbelief*

Maggie: Yeah...that's why you shouldn't live in a swamp; I.E. MY HOUSE!
DELPROF chapter 8 . 2/10/2009
heh, my little entry is so lame, but whatever. everything else was great. xD
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