|Reviews for Optimal Expressions|
| Life in Technicolor Fashion chapter 6 . 2/16/2012
Oh. my. god. I suddenly have fallen in love with you... you've seen a movie that almost noone has ever seen. Another Gay Movie. You are now even more awesome that I pegged you to be before.
| Momers chapter 9 . 6/11/2010
Marni My mom
Thamen My dad
Monique: Goddamn it! I want a Ring Pop!
Micky: You have an Oral Fixation?
Monique: Yes I have an Oral Fixation! LET ME SUCK ON SOMETHING.
Jak: Oh yeah!
Monique: Oh no Koolaide man, you fix the fucking wall!
Carson: I don't like my drinks to wear tights!
(About Justin Bieber)
Amanda: Why hasn't he hit puberty yet?
Monique: Either he's a freak of nature or a thirteen year old girl.
Monique: He's deffienetly a thirteen year old girl.
Amanda: Black Prius!
Monique: I'm, notasgayasIwasyesterday.
Marni: So yaoi is?
Monique: Essentially over glorrified gay porn.
Marni: And Ema made Carson read it?
Marni: And that's why Carson thinks he's gay?
Monique: Gimmie your gay porn Ema!
Ema: It's yaoi stupid caramel baby!
Monique: Shut up hand over the porn!
Lexi: I can pass for Mexican!
Juvenal: NO! I can do this with my eyes closed!
Juvenal: (closes eyes, points to Lexi) WHITE GIRL!
Monique: (goes to drink vitamin water)
Monique: (drinks it anyways, spits it out in alarm) What the hell mom! Cigarettes! Really?
Marni: Well I thought you would notice...
Monique: Why would I look for cigarettes in the Vitamin Water?
Monique: The Eleventh Doctor is so hot.
Amanda: Tenth Doctor was hotter and so much better. You always love your first doctor.
Monique: Was the Tenth your first doctor?
Amanda: No, the ninth was.
Amanda: Fine! He gave me a handjob!
Ema: I'm gonna graduate in two years! And they'll be like "NO." and I'll be like "...Yes."
Monique: Can we please just go back to talking about music?
Monique: That is IT, I'm stealing the Fountain of Youth from Johnny Depp.
Amanda: And Ozzy Osborn.
Monique: No, he ages. He has the Elixar of Life or something.
Amanda: The Sorcers Stone.
Monique: OZZY OSBORN HAS THE SORCERS STONE!
Monique: WE HAVE FOUND GOD!
(Note, Caliey is six)
Ema: So you see, God is a girl and she's our friend. We call her God because she has the softest hair ever.
Monique: Even though Tom supposedly controls everything.
Ema: So yes, God is a Girl.
Caliey: But God is a boy!
Ema: She is a girl and we are friends with her!
Caliey:...But, God is a boy!
| psychojunglecat122 chapter 9 . 4/8/2010
I love you. Therefore, I have humorous quotes to submit.
Jen: Some guy just grabbed my ass!
Mattie: Well, this is going to sound really bad...but that dress is kind of...
Jen: What? This dress isn't even that short!
Mattie: I know! It's just...with the spaghetti strap and your high heels...if you were standing on a, you know, a street corner...people might get the wrong impression...
Jen: Oh, great. My best friend thinks I look like a ho.
Jen: I got to lay out today. See, I got some color!
Mattie: Aw, yeah. Your chest is all red.
Jen: Well, yeah. But it'll get really tan in a few days!
Mattie: Yeah, and then it'll get all flaky and nasty-looking... Jen: Oh great, so now I'm a flaky ho!
Mattie: I kind of like being short. I'm only 5"9'
Corinne: Yeah, and you could still find a girl that's 5"8'.
Corinne: ...Oh, wow. I just realized how dumb that was.
(ees funny 'cuz mattie is gay)
Isis: Dad, is it cool if I drink at parties?
Mattie: Isis, that isn't exactly the kind of question you're supposed to ask your dad.
Mr. M: Uh...as long as there's no driving...filming pornos...or acting weird in public.
Mattie: Isis! Put your skirt down!
Isis: No! I refuse to be contained!
Occupants of Grocery Story: ...
Mr. S: I'm handling a case right now for a woman who was the mistress of a millionaire. Except she wasn't his only mistress, and then he gave her herpes without telling her.
Mattie: Oh my god. You have got to be kidding me.
Mr. S: No. And so now she's suing him for four million dollars. And she'll win.
Evan: As if that makes it alright that he gave her herpes.
Mattie: Are you joking? I would totally get herpes for four million dollars!
Gretchen: Dude, my physics teacher has gotten so cranky since he stopped drinking. My grade has gone down so much!
Celine: I was driving the other day. I'm getting better, but I still can't really turn.
Boomer: Can it just be noted that the valedictorian of the junior class doesn't know how to turn a car?
Mattie: At least I don't bleed out of my genitals every month.
Kaitlyn: You WILL!
Mattie: What kind of person names their child Merlot?
Rachel: An alcoholic, obviously. Jordan and I are lucky we weren't named Whiskey and Vodka.
Mr. S: You guys have a quiz tomorrow. Be prepared.
Corinne: Wait, was that a clue?
Mr. S: Would you like me to draw you a map?
Mattie: Please and thank you.
Mr. S: (draws on board)
Mattie: Mr. S, I asked for a map. Not a deformed rhinocerous.
Jen: Dude, did you know that shoelaces make great headbands?
Jen: I love not having homework. It lets me explore other things!
Mattie: Bueno. Estoy going to hablo only-o espanol. El okay?
Mattie: I'm going to bring a riding crop to school tomorrow and every time I sense you being negative, I'm gonna smack you.
Lauren: A what?
Mattie: A riding crop.
Lauren Valentine: Oh you've got to be shitting me.
Mattie: Well it's either a riding crop or cookies. And no, I don't feed you the cookies. I throw them at your head and I'm like "Bitch stop being so damn negative!"
| AlbinoApples chapter 9 . 2/22/2010
You are amazing and I love your mother. 'Nuff said.
| NekoRinChan chapter 9 . 6/22/2009
Lol, the cheese popcorn situation kind of happened with me. xD Except it was with corn. I had just cut it off the cob and was going to sit back down to eat it and I dropped it. D: Made me very sad. Lol.
| The Forgotten Child chapter 9 . 6/18/2009
You my dear, have one strange life.
| Karasu chapter 9 . 6/15/2009
Aw, shit, I have another one floating around here somewhere that you can submit. (:
AND BTW, I fell asleep after the whole bra ordeal. I was tired. But I woke up to a text from you that said "I think my judgement is impeached." XD Lol'd for that one, you betcha I did.
Anyway, when I get back from Texas, we'll start collecting more Rainbow Vomit funny quotes. 8D
Also, good for your mommy! 8Dd She's a tough bird
| in the city of neon and chrome chapter 9 . 6/14/2009
hahahahahahahahahah! god, i totally forgot i'd given you that quote! thanks for posting it! .x3
| Max-Ashworth chapter 9 . 6/12/2009
lol omg. I've tried telling stories to people who were there when it happens. Actually, I do that a lot.
Only, I don't drink. . They get angry...
Fun stuff. ;)
| CaseyBear chapter 9 . 6/11/2009
I'm going to talk to you on MSN.
| in the city of neon and chrome chapter 6 . 3/16/2009
haha. u & ur friends remind me of me & my friends. ]
once my friend olivia & i were im'ing each other, & our convo went something like this...
Olivia: I think you have a beautiful ass.
Lin: Oh, really?
Olivia: It makes me want to write poetry.
Lin: Poetry about what?
Olivia: Sunshine and butterflies and porn.
but wats really funny about this is I'M the lesbain, & SHE'S completely fucking straight.
| Chelsmonster chapter 8 . 2/19/2009
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA! You are SO great! I wish I could wear you around my neck so I will always be there you say such wanky shit! I LOVE YOU!
| Jayson chapter 8 . 2/13/2009
Laughed my ass off. nice.
| Max-Ashworth chapter 8 . 2/10/2009
Dude! YES! I don't care about Grammys or anything, but apparently my friend Anastasia does because she told me that Blink-182 got back together and I almost killed her I hugged her so hard. (I don't even need to go lesbo for anyone because I'm already BI. MWHAHA. Although she doesn't appreciate my love much, being straight. Sigh.)
Maggie: Oh, fifth grade...the good old days. You had Mr. Freeman, right Janet?
Janet (little sister): Yeah. I hate him.
Maggie: Psh, everyone hates him. But I remember one time he threw Amedeo's desk at him. 'Cuz it was unorganized.
Janet: Yeah, well he threw his last desk last year 'cuz he got fired. He's working the district office now.
Maggie: HOLY SHIT! PWNED, BITCH! Teach you to throw desks and talk about soccer during reading time. Fail.
Janet: *shakes head and walks away*
Maggie: Butterflies are probably the most terrifying flying insect around here.
Maggie: *turns to Bobby* You know what I'm talking about! THE BUTTERFLIES, BOBBY?
Bobby: OH MY GOD THE BUTTERFLIES! WHERE?
Maggie: Not here...
Friends: What the hell...?
Maggie: They divebombed us while we were playing badmitton! We smacked them to the ground with the raquet BUT THEY BOUNCED BACK UP!
Bobby: You could hear the wings beat! It was like a horror movie!
Maggie: Yeah...that's why you shouldn't live in a swamp; I.E. MY HOUSE!
| xXKaiOfHeartsXx chapter 8 . 2/10/2009
heh, my little entry is so lame, but whatever. everything else was great. xD