Reviews for Missouri, The Promised Land
Devon Pitlor chapter 1 . 8/26/2009
Many interesting turns of your phrases:

"voiceless slave wife"

"step-connects" (as verb)

"comforting as a potato - not even a potato chip"

All wonderful.

Of course, there is a missing backstory here, but who cares? It is the idealization of place you once escaped to, like the unknown outlet. Like it could be any place or whatever.

The narrator knows that "All I have is Missouri." is wrong but will live with it as a vent of escape.

I am tempted to write because the narrator is so close to being free but still bound by legal reasons (most of them meaningless) to family loyalty. I inject myself personally into this problem: I come from a place where the legal age is 16 not 18. Those two years can make an enormous difference. Especially with the angst of being obliged to live where one is not comfortable. Nice writing, as usual. I have come to expect it.
Unique1952 chapter 1 . 1/27/2009
This is very good,I especially liked the opening. I'm not exactly sure what writing format this falls under, but I like it. Again, nice work.
MallowsWins chapter 1 . 1/27/2009
I really like your fictionalized fiction, or whatever it’s called. A lot of people have truth in their fiction, and that’s fine, but you have fiction in your truth which is far more powerful and, in my opinion, more interesting. I like that the reader gets to know something about you, an insight into your life and mind. It’s cool.

As for this piece specifically, it seemed very frustrating and, in an add way, optimistic. I like the idea that you see a place as a sort of goal, and that you have this mindset that if you get there everything will be perfect. I have that too, only my dream place is America, I get this. The stuff about your step-father is heart breaking, but I like that you don’t let him control you like he does your mother (which is also heartbreaking).

Smoothly written, as always. And relatable, to me at least.

-Daze
MakeSarahSmile chapter 1 . 11/17/2008
I really like this. And I understand how you feel. From the beginning, I was hooked with your line:

"I loved it because it wasn’t here./And now I want to live there, because I want to live a holiday./I have convinced myself that everything is easier there."

Because I can totally relate. This was very well done. Great imagery and word choice.