|Reviews for Fence|
| we are zombies chapter 1 . 8/23/2009
I love this story! The ending really got to me. It wasn't preachy or anything like that, but it definitely carried a message and struck a nerve with me. It was very easy to get emotionally attached to Tory even though I don't usually do that with original fiction on the internet (I'll admit, I'm more of a fanfiction-y instant gratification type of girl).
I wish Rien and Amos' backstory was explained a little more - I know it was supposed to be vague intentionally, but it seems more like something got left out of the story. Really though, I enjoyed this very much. I'm subscribing to you and checking out your other stories too. :)
| AlwaysTheNegativeOptimist chapter 4 . 6/22/2009
Wow. That really gave me a new view on how i'm living my life.
I'm kinda like Tory, but not as anti-social.
anyway... I THINK REIN IS SO SO HOT!
| TRSNG chapter 4 . 2/12/2009
very cool. So well thought out! It all fit together well and it wasn't as confusing as it should have been.
| CaveDwellers chapter 4 . 1/31/2009
Rien and Tory don't really get along, but there is something very similar about them, and for that they have a connection that Tory couldn't form with any of the other ghosts. Something tells me they wouldn't admit to that, though. (That's what I thought as I read the first scene in this chapter).
Victorian sense of modesty is right. Nicely put.
I'm sensing that there's a lot of Christmas Carol prejudices going on with the Halloween ghosts and they're really bitter about it. Just an observation. XD
Just a random thought about Jarek. Does he ever get lonely? Rien and Amos so obviously have a connection (not to mention their job similarities), and Rien makes it plain that he doesn't care for Jarek. I'm just wondering if he ever feels unhappy about it.
"...that unbelievable, god-amazing, just short of sexual sensation."
It sounds as if this sentence was left unfinished. What about all of those things?
I suppose I should-and I did-but I don't feel sorry for Tory anymore. He is bringing a lot of this upon himself, and going through this is the only way he's going to grow.
Yellow brick road. T.T. (where was she when he got angry at Rien, by the way? You're usually so good at mentioning her) Scarecrows-very wizard of oz-ish. I know you said that that was what you wanted to do in the beginning (along with A Christmas Carol) but I keep forgetting to mention that you're doing a great job at it.
Tory did get close to breaking through and becoming a better person with Jarek, and I commend you for not ending it right then and there. It would not have felt as natural as Tory's progression as you have it is. One step at a time is right.
I think he needed that talk with Amos. Some kind of encouragement before he goes in for the last of it.
When Tory talks to Harvey Tony gives me the impression that he doesn't like Tory. Just, you know, with the almost clapping and all.
T.T.'s back again! And her involvement is good, as usual.
I like how this turned out to be more of a struggle of the mind, because Tory really needed it.
Three taps of read shoes. Going back home. That made me smile.
Overall, a good story. It's still long, the university in the middle of a small country town still doesn't quite make sense, and you have a slight habit of being wordy, but nothing too horrible. It was an enjoyable read. :)
| CaveDwellers chapter 3 . 1/31/2009
Yeah, I thought it was odd that they didn't seem to lock the attic until the end. Then it occurred to me that Harvey and co. hadn't had anything to do with unlocking the door.
"Not even looking down the road in that general direction."
Seems to me that here you tried two different kinds of sentences and combined them by accident. I would personally either go with one of the other, or say something along the lines of "not going near that road, not even looking in that general direction." It gives the sentence more flow and coherency, because right now it doesn't make much sense.
Around the time Tory's playing with the idea of them not existing-oh wait, of course they exist-is when I started getting rather worried about his mentality. Was this be the time he breaks? Is he going to break at all? I can't see how he couldn't... Stuff like that.
Nice rambling before he asks to kiss. It was a good display of Show, Not Tell.
"It isn’t the kiss like what Tory won’t admit to himself that he’s been thinking all day."
Very awkward sentence. I think it's in need of some major reconstruction, or at the least add an about into "thinking all day."
The scene as a whole was very cute, and genuine. I liked it.
And then reality starts to set in... I remember thinking that a little spooky the first time 'round.
The whole scene with the neck biting continued the spooky idea. Was Jarek a vampire or something? Were all of the ghosts vampires? What IS the deal? It was a confusion that drove me forward. Tory's reaction to it was also good.
"...he does mercifully blacks out."
Black out, you mean?
It's funny. Only now am I registering the bitter undertones as Rien talks about Amos.
In the scene with Rien and the kiss, I'd venture to say that Rien is sadistic. Probably is-and yet, he sticks around even after getting what he wants. Funny, I think.
| CaveDwellers chapter 2 . 1/31/2009
Haha. Baby talking the attention whore of a dog. What a sweet thing to say. Dogs really do like it, though.
Quick question: Rien seriously left a hickey? It didn't seem very bad during the scene. Maybe you could make it more dramatic.
Tory's never specifically thought of Jarek as handsome before (hasn't hinted too much too it, either), so the first time around the handsome description caught me off guard. It just sort of popped out of nowhere.
This is probably wrong, but when I think of Amos I think big brown beard. That's how the character is in my mind. Probably middle aged, with warm eyes and a brown beard. XP
T.T.'s really great for the occasional comedy relief, isn't she? She sounds cute.
The more I think about this and what I know is going to happen, the more I realize how obvious it would be for Rien and Amos to get along. A lot of Rien is facade, and Amos has a habit of cracking people open, be it intentional or not. I really like his character. He seems to be the type that gets along with everyone.
oh, poor Tony. Not everybody can be beer pong genius'. I'm sure he's good at other things.
The first time I read this I had already pretty much figured out that Amos hadn't been playing any games. The last part of this chapter was necessary, but not precisely the most exciting.
Another thing I've noticed is that your descriptions of the three ghosts are progressively waning. For example, you sort of sprung on the reader that Amos has blonde hair, and Rien is by far the clearest description you offered. It was good that you weren't focusing on looks and rather on emotional, but I would advise you to be consistent about your descriptions.
On to the next chapter. .
| CaveDwellers chapter 1 . 1/31/2009
Firstly, I apologize for the punctuality (or lack thereof) of these reviews. I've fallen ill recently.
Besides that, however, I'm fine. Let the reviews begin.
To be honest, I never knew fence had the second meaning. I thought it was either the swordplay style or the actual fence. Interesting.
I really liked the way you started this story, with Tory beginning every sentence and following along like a child's storybook for that first paragraph. It was a great touch, but as the story progresses you don't continue it, and that's a sign of inconsistency. It disrupts the flow of the story. My personal recommendation is that you either replicate it or change the beginning, whichever works best for you.
Another thing I'd like to draw your attention to is the overall length of the chapters. They are quite long-especially the beginning chapter. Readers are intimidated by it, because it makes them feel like they aren't getting anywhere. They would rather read a bunch of little chapters than a couple of long chapters. Just something I've noticed through hit counts and my own reading habits. The longer the chapter, the less hit, and subsequently, the less reviews.
"...his long fingers curl in his grip..."
an awkward fragment, and a bit redundant. We know he's gripping the fence; we don't have to state it twice.
I never even realized Rien was shooing birds away at the beginning of the story the first time I read it. Nice foreshadowing.
I did like how you hinted to Tory's sexual orientation without being overly blatant about it. Too often have I read slash that overemphasizes the fact that someone isn't straight, and then makes the guy out to be just short of a cross dressing girl. This is much more gracefully put. He's gay, but he's also a guy. Well done.
haha. He doesn't bite. Literally. That made me laugh.
There really is a lot of foreshadowing here. Good job.
There is a nice balance in Tory's personality throughout this story. It's not just one trait or another taking over, it's more realistic than that. I liked that.
Oh, I know what he means with that study session. I get like that myself sometimes.
It sounded genuine enough-if a little forward-the first time around, but in hindsight Jarek's whole first conversation with Tory has a bit of a kidnapper's feel to it.
Okay, a bit of a technical question: if the town's that small, how is there a university there? I live in a small town, and it's more developed than this one sounds like, and most people don't even know there's a community college. I could be wrong, but the situation here just doesn't feel right.
Oh, there it is. More foreshadowing with Jarek. I'm really liking being about to pick up on this now. I wasn't able to before.
The amount of classes they have together just keeps going up and up, doesn't it? XD Jarek's trying too hard.
You know, that scene with Rien at the end of the chapter is looking more and more like molestation. Poor Tory. At least he realizes that it's strange, if only a little.
At the end of the chapter you begin to really worry about Tory. Like whether or not all of this is going to cause his mind to snap like a twig. It drives you to read the next chapter.
| Liviania chapter 4 . 1/26/2009
What an awesome combination of ideas! I love this - it's scary and inspirational and generally awesome.
| Naomi Schemer chapter 4 . 1/15/2009
Wow. This story is lovely. It actually has merit outside of this website, and I don't say that too often about what I read here. It's very inspirational, too. I think it might have affected the way I'll finish out the rest of this semester (I know it has already managed to affect my mood).
| nonaccount chapter 4 . 12/30/2008
I am in awe ... this is amazing ... I love the whole thing ... I am such a baby it actually made me scared of the Ghosts of Halloween ... this story has rendered me only able to type in ellipsis ...
| runaway sheet chapter 4 . 12/13/2008
Lovely story! Quite a plot and all there references. Got me thinking, then I realized that I don't do thiking, so now, I'm going to sleep/
But really, liking Amos, sweetie that he is.
Wow, I feel so refreshed from this wonderful story; yet I'm still going to sleep.
Update more stuff when you get the chance. Oh, here's an idea- update Dial Tone. Ain't I pushy?
| Lee Jung chapter 4 . 12/13/2008
That was SO good :) I love how it ended xD
| Balliett chapter 4 . 12/7/2008
OH MY JEEVES. THAT WAS AMAZING. D
I thoroughly enjoyed that. The idea was so unique, so creative, so interesting! It had me hooked from the beginning. I LOVED IT. -bounces excitedly-
Your writing totally accentuates the idea. You have a very simplistic writing style, but it gets things across very well with just enough details. And the way you write characters is just awesome! Tory is just wonderful! And the ghosts of Halloween were epic. Such a good idea for a story, seriously.
I LOVE, LOVE, LOVED IT. -starry eyed-
| Amindaya chapter 4 . 11/29/2008
This was just a kajillion different shades of amazing.
| magalina chapter 4 . 11/23/2008
I almost cried... This was so perfect. I take back what I said about Amos! ;_; And the ending, with the shoes and the clicking, I was waiting for that. Ah, I loved this story so much!
Seriously seriously wow.
Keep posting your stuff! DD: