Reviews for Paranoia
Ida Dallas chapter 1 . 11/25/2009
I like it- it's rhythmically pleasing, except for a few awkward place with mismatchy syllables. Other than that, it flows well and is pretty effectively creepy.
Twyla Cole chapter 1 . 9/9/2009
So you totally changed up the rhymn scheme...why? I would pick one. I like the second one. I feel like it is a more suiting cadence. But you changed it after the first two stanzas and did not continue with it so it was a little off-putting. I would just take a look at that and make a choice aboutit.

I feel like you could have made it a little more unsettling if you gave like really specific stories...but looking at it again you did just try to keep the readers mind racing...that is a good choice.

You have wonderful diction and it is apparent in the second rhymn scheme. Just great word choice.

But i think you could have had a stronger ending. I like the quote but why isnt it a part of the last stanza? WHy did you break it up like that? Because thats exactly what it does - breaks it up. you have such a pace in this piece that when it comes down to those last few lines the reader has to come to a very sudden halt and its strange and out of place.

Concept very nice, just a few tweaks and then it would be great. I really like it


Twyla Cole
Serrax chapter 1 . 11/20/2008
Very beautiful. Dark and tormenting. I really enjoyed the images this gave me
tangerine dreamer chapter 1 . 11/16/2008
I can feel the insanity and desperation in this piece. I like the ending the best. It leaves the reader with an ultimatum. Nice work!