|Reviews for Broken Family Portrait|
| GM chapter 23 . 5/10/2014
I said lowly to Susan - lowly does not read well in this context- said in a low voice to Susan would read better.
her sister get "beaten"-up
-Heir- apparent, the heir is unnecessary
I read your comment on Yahoo's Dear Abbey, mentioning your book and thought you mentioned it, to find out what people thought about it. I don't know how many readers you've had, but I have had the courtesy to read right through to the end. I will admit to not writing reviews on all chapters just the last few.
Firstly, let me say that this is an excellent idea and premise for a story, however my last comments will let you see that it needs you to slowly read through it once again and correct the small typos, for example "of" instead of "off" and the occasional wrong word, with the wrong meaning for the context.
I would also encourage you to make some of the characters more than one-dimensional, even if they are not your favoured characters. You may also find during your re-reading that it may seem a little repetitive. Your hero, is inclined to shout a little too much and even the "Good" characters' have flaws that detract from their supposed characters' moral superiority. Would Canada really extradite to the States for the death penalty? I thought that their courts expressly forbid that. Would Bill and Abilene really have been given their children back so many times? Would the Canadian armed forces really turn a blind eye to spousal and child abuse?
The premise of your novel was excellent and I really liked that it ended as a sign off from the radio show, that was a clever idea.
Wishing you good luck, with other reviews and all your future writing.
| Guest chapter 22 . 5/10/2014
ignorant -as- to how far they've come
people can't deter from other topics - can't "detour"
fulfilling career in business - you don't need the according. If any word here perhaps "respectively" would read better.
same strict "authorial" - perhaps authoritarian?
mentally decapitated? incapacitated would read better
| Guest chapter 20 . 5/10/2014
find it "within" you to forgive -not beneath
consistency - if Aimee and her brother live with Susan, why was she in the church?
I certainly "won't" look at him the same way again.
I could Aimee and Hunter didn't "board" with them - board meaning to get on board, disembark may be better.
| Guest chapter 21 . 5/10/2014
Her screaming clearly triumphed his crying - you may need to rethink this sentence
The wrong idea about love - The Taming Of The Shrew - probably not a good example for this piece.
abuse and "dysfunction" we witnessed
It was -heir- apparent heir not appropriate word in this context.
lack of brain function not functioning
I gave them a sure smug - what?
| AmShe256 chapter 4 . 7/29/2010
I don't know, but the people in this story seem extremely violent and cruel, to the point that it's completely unrealistic. Even the people that are supposed to be the "good guys", like the mom and Norman, are punching children in the face. This is considered normal? I don't mean this to be a flame I just wanted to bring it to your attention. You can do whatever you want with it.
| baybabe chapter 7 . 6/30/2009
Another great chapter! I was appalled that Abilene and Olivia actually thought it was okay to take their brother and sister from their mother! I'm glad that Susan and Robin got away from their bio father as quick as they did. Although he didn't seem all that excited to see Robin.
Middle school seems to be the hardest time for many children, I see Robin is not the exception here. It seems during the time that he was growing up that there was very little awareness of CP and the challenges one must face dealing with it. From parenting to the education system, I'm glad that Robin's mother is able to keep an eye on him at school, even if it's from a distance.
I look forward to reading your next chapter!
| baybabe chapter 6 . 5/21/2009
Another great chapter dave. I think it's getting more interesting as Robin gets older. I'm intrigue as to the confrontation between Robin and his biological father that you eluded to at the end.
| baybabe chapter 1 . 4/16/2009
I have to say that I'm a very picky reader. A story has to capture my attention and hold it. This story does just that.
Chapter 1 gives the reader insight into Robin's character now, and then launches into how he comes to be the person he is. This chapter has rather dark themes. I'm not surprised, however, of the attitude of the father, and older two siblings. It's hard to believe, but it was not so long ago that corporal punishment was the cure all for any perceived wrongs a child might do. It's not the case now, but it was. Many people buy into the notion that the only kind of family is a traditional one, and that is not always the case. I like that the author is making stark contrasts between the "good" side of the family, and the bad. I'm very interested in seeing how the older two girls make out with their respective lives, while holding on to the "traditional family ideology."