|Reviews for Imp's Blood|
| An Inside Joke chapter 1 . 2/2/2009
That's a good start. I think the description of the execution is more interesting htan the description of hte singing earlier. The opening image of her doesn't do much to advance plot or charecter, and the mood, while clear, isn't as distinct as it could be. The set-up of the painting and her ability to pait the future, however, is much more interesting, and the pace is interesting.
| Anandini chapter 2 . 12/4/2008
This is a very good review. Why do u say ur writing sucks? Believe in your self for once. I cannot wait for your next chapter. You should make it into a book :)
Your friend- Anandini
| Sercus Kaynine chapter 2 . 12/4/2008
Aww, thank you! (virtual hug) It's nice to know my comments are appreciated.
Okay, who is this Lori person? Does she have an account here? If so, I'm gonna need to go read some of her work and see if she can walk the walk as well as talk the talk, if that makes sense.
As for this chapter being better than the last, I think it's more of a mood thing. In the last chapter, the read was totally breathless because we knew something dreadful was about to happen and you were simply drawing suspense leading up to it. Here, we are more or less clueless about how Gregory is going to handle this news of his sister's death and we're kind of just along for the ride. No, this chapter wasn't worse, just less suspenseful.
What's this about flutes and being gay? Dude, this is the knights and dragons time period. No one cares. You know what, tell Lori that the Aztec warriors wrote poetry. About butterflies. I'm completely serious.
What I'm trying to get across is that hey, maybe your writing isn't Shakespeare, but neither is mine (and I bet Lori's isn't either). This is an online site where you write for fun and get other people's opinions, and from where I'm standing I don't think you're doing half bad.
Okay, enough of my pep talks. I think you get it.
Throughout the piece, I noticed a few missed commas. Like here:
"However nothing could bring him true solace to his new pain;"
Comma after however! It is an introductory word!
Also, there was a tense change that shouldn't have been there:
"Tears pool into his eyes,"
I believe it should be pooled. Reread the sentence to see what I mean.
Anyways, just little things like that I noticed. I think I noticed about two other missed commas, but that's the only wrong tense change.
Your writing style is extremely poetic, as I think I've mentioned before. I really like some of the descriptions and similes/metaphors you used in here.
Other than that, not much to say...
Except that Riccado needs to get beaten into the ground and Gregory needs a hug, but I figure that's obvious enough and the story wouldn't be interesting if there weren't problems like those and others to solve.
| Sercus Kaynine chapter 1 . 11/17/2008
Oh, come on, Mema (I is stalker, mwuahahaha!), you're not a bad writer at all! As a matter of fact, this could serve as a gripping prologue to an epic novel. Obviously, you'd have to pick another protagonist since Drayel's dead, but that just makes it more interesting. Perhaps that older brother you mentioned, or, even more interesting, this princess who's portrait Drayel painted? Hell, use the wolves you mentioned in the first paragraph. The average reader has a very active imagination. There's a thousand ways you could go with this.
"You will die today in front of hundreds of witnesses who will see you struggle as you attempt to hold on to the tiniest thread of life.”
Woah, poetic executioner much? We may be in a fantasy world here, but people aren't usually that fancy with the prose. When people talk, they're usually pretty to the point. A phrase like that definitely fits your writing style in non-conversation, though.
"The full moon hung in the night sky, a glaring eye radiating blue light unto the uncontrollable world."
I'm being a nitpicky meany here, but I think "unto" should be changed to "into." Why? Well, to be frank, you have a very poetic writing style, which isn't a bad thing, but be aware that it flows smoother for the reader's twentieth/twenty-first century trained eyes if you use more familiar words while using cool descriptions like the one in that sentence.
Let's see, nice grammar, spectacular spelling, not much characterization since it was so short, a million ways the plot could go... Well, my work is done here. It's up to you to decide to continue this, but if you do I'll be around to give you my thoughts (unless you absolutely despise my opinion, in which case tell me and I'll leave you alone).
Happy writing to all and to all a good night.
| Lana Sky chapter 1 . 11/17/2008
I'm really mad. I mean, how dare you? How do you absolutely dare to post this and then say that you can't write?
The full moon hung in the night sky, a glaring eye radiating blue light unto the uncontrollable world. Wolves raised their heads in penitence for their feral ways and howled to the stars above the trees. The scene below the moon was desolate. A copse of tall oak trees nearside a dull gray building. No one but the wolves ran about the woods. The scene was empty and after the deep throated howling, the air was still.
That is pure brilliance! Do you know how many people really can't write? *shakes head all sad-like* People like you make me want to scream with your pure denial of sheer talent.
All you really need is some work on sentence contruction, for instance sometimes you cut sentences short when you could just combine them.
Other than that I see nothing wrong. The prose is beautiful, the writing style is amazingly elegant, the imagery is uniquely poetic and I totally loved it even though it was completely sad.
Will there be more? If so, I'll deffinently continue to read it. :D
Good luck and Happy Writings,