Reviews for Soldier's Poem
Thornprick chapter 1 . 3/23/2009
you wrote this like two years ago but it's still like really good! YOUR AMAZING!
Dragonwriter33 chapter 1 . 2/28/2009
I loved it! It's really sweet and sad, and it had a great rhyme scheme! Keep up the good work!
fatbird33 chapter 1 . 2/6/2009
very nice poem! it flowed extremley well and the rhyming seemed effortless nice work!

there was one typo in the second stanza, should be "ask" instead of "asked".

that's all:)nice job.
mashergirl14 chapter 1 . 11/19/2008
it's good

i like how you made it rhyme
wounds without cause chapter 1 . 11/18/2008
I did notice a mistake, in the second line: "Can I asked something..." should be "Can I ask something...?" if present tense, or "Could I have asked something...?" if it's past tense.

Also, the whole poem seemed very, very forced. And because it seemed forced, I didn't believe you at all. A few tips; - Don't ever twist a phrase to make it rhyme at the end, it always sounds cliche ("the hope of winning, no one can tell" is an example of how you twisted a phrase).

- Rhyming is secondary; thought and emotions are primary.

- one of the things you can do to make it seem more real and truthful is to make sure that you write it as if you would say it. No one ever says "and my life, now it costs...". They would say, "It costs my life."

- try to have different verses, not just a long string of couplets.

I hope that this was a constructive review.
Guy1122 chapter 1 . 11/18/2008
I liked this poem. Especially for being an old one.

It seemed as though you tried to force the rhyme a little too much. But it was very good imagery.

And it is always nice to have people write about experiences that they have never had. Kinda gives you a window into your mind perspective. This shows what you think being in this situation would feel like.

Very good.
Paperclippe chapter 1 . 11/18/2008
Very beautiful! The imagery was vivid, wonderful. Have you heard the Muse song of the same name? I think you would enjoy it.
Written In Red chapter 1 . 11/18/2008
I can sorta tell you wrote this a while back but besides that I love the patriotism. Most people are pretty unpatriotic. I appreciate the feel of it and meaning. :)