Reviews for Promise
Ernest Bloom chapter 1 . 11/19/2008
i like the _idea_ of retaining the structure of the last lines (changing color) better than its effect here. since the changing color seems to be a detail detached from the point you're trying to make, the effect is sterilized.

the headless chicken at the crossroads is too comical an image; it wipes out the mood you've previously established. find a metaphor that better captures what the protagonist is feeling.

but the premise overall is very good, as is the conclusion, with the action taken with the phonebook.

(phonebook? isn't this a spouse? this is probably not the correct object to consider discarding/erasing.)

stza 1: dork - dock