|Reviews for Starlight v 20|
| Willow Capelle chapter 1 . 4/9/2010
I very much liked this, I hope to see more in the future. I think it is very well written.
I like the moment of realization for Astriella at the end, it gives a little bit to hold on to, until whatever comes next, which will probably include Astriella's reaction...?
All in all, good story!
| Anonymous chapter 1 . 11/20/2008
Is good story, I wish you luck in future chapters.
keep (how you say escribiendo?)
| Minoan Ferret chapter 1 . 11/20/2008
A good story. The strained relationship between Astriella and her real father was interesting, and the internal conflict of Venitus was well done. The words you used were good and brought a vividness to the characters.
You said you needed advice but there's really nothing I can fault you on. The spelling and grammar are great, and it flows really well. Except one thing, I suppose. I noticed another reviewer mentioned the bit involving his wife's death nearly 20 years ago. It made sense to me, but I had to read it a few times. Maybe the same thing could be said in not so many or different words?
Anyway, good work!
| misery sister chapter 1 . 11/20/2008
The first lines were well written, but one part bothered me. This line:
[It had been almost twenty years since Cherisa died, some eighteen next season. Childbirth had killed her, but luckily not the child.]
I don't get 'eighteen next season' part... and a lot of people use just three lines to make up for years of the past that they don't want to write about, but this just... felt sort of choppy to me?