|Reviews for Covet|
| Isca chapter 1 . 2/5/2009
"Please, bear witness to the whispers of the night." Haunting! Lovely! Well-written!
"I could never harm such a pretty flower, though your gardens I will set aflame." This is probably my favourite part of the poem. The contrast here is brilliant and striking. The speaker won't hurt the beloved, only everything she has held dear (i.e. the gardens).
"The moment you think of me, I shall be gone." I love the sorrowful tone here, it's heart-breaking!
The poem doesn't follow the strict Shakespearean conventions, but you can tell that you put a lot of effort into this poem, so just keep writing and trying; practice makes perfect.
| Cloverless chapter 1 . 11/21/2008
For the record, Shakespearean Sonnets use Iambic Pentameter, in addition to the rhyme scheme (to complement the rhyme scheme, really; basically, if you don't know what Iambic Pentameter is, it's lines that have ten syllables in total. There are also rules about how you're supposed to then stress the syllables in every line; but the gist is: ten syllables per line).
You certainly used some interesting imagery and symbolism that I liked ("I could never harm such a pretty flower / even though your gardens I will set aflame." among things).
I must say too that your rhyming on the whole is good. It does sound somewhat forced at certain times ("Then this secret, it is, I shall keep." is just awkward to read, for example).
Also "thy" is a pronoun, not a substitute for "the" (as I assume you were trying to use it, or else I'm just baffled as to how you can breathe another person's weighted air?). Furthermore if ye olde English is a route you're interested in taking in a poem you should try and be consistent throughout. I know it's hard when you're not used to writing that way, but when you get it right, it just feels good. Plus, it works better for the poem when it's consistent.
Good work though. Sonnets are hard to write, but you still did quite well.