augmentedDREAMS chapter 1 . 4/17/2015
Fan fiction!? This is not fan fiction! This is outright plagiarism. It is obvious that the entire thing has been copied work to work from the original Twilight!

Just kidding, if anyone didn't catch the sarcasm.

Lol, on a serious note: I loved this. It is obvious this is a parody and the "bad grammar" and all the abbreviations are intentional, I don't know what's everyone is getting worked up over. This is not fan fiction either, never did you say that the girl is Bella.
Esther K. Binny chapter 1 . 8/26/2014

"lol np," omg. that line though, that line.

anyway yeah, just saw this was published in '08. Guess i'm a little late but I think I had just as much fun reading the reviews.

Steve is a great character & I can't wait to see more from her.
annoyance chapter 1 . 5/25/2009
What was that? The grammar was terrible (sorry).

And no matter what you say, it is indeed fan fiction. There are tons of parody stories on FFN so 'move you **s onto fanfiction'
Pixilated chapter 1 . 11/22/2008
Everyone is right -get your ass to fanfiction, there is a difference between originality and whatever you wish to call this story.
nul chapter 1 . 11/22/2008

I have a question for you:

Did you write this has a joke?

I'm sorry, that came out mean.

On a normal basis I would say that this story has potential and you would just need to fix several things to make it better.

You'd need to fix helluva a lot of things to make this story better.

Rushed [like the movie] is what it basically felt like.

You'd need to spell check this.

Well, you'd need to proofread this.

I can't really see this has a huge story.

I'm sorry.

But I didn't really like this.

It does have potential, but not very much, I think..


Martin the Waterskier
Sally Can Wait chapter 1 . 11/21/2008
I'm assuming this is supposed to be a parody, but it would be more effective if you used better grammar and, like, punctuated. And made fun of it in a more ironic/obviously funny way. Because I personally really don't like Twilight and would enjoy a parody of it.

If it isn't a parody, I am sorry.

Born Restless chapter 1 . 11/21/2008
Is this a parody? Also, are you sure it belongs on fictionpress and not on ?
facethechange chapter 1 . 11/21/2008
Okay... just so you know, if this was meant to be a fanfiction, it should have a disclaimer saying that you don't own Twilight (and it should be on rather than fictionpress). And also, I don't mean to sound rude, but your grammar could use some work. I can almost guarantee you that people will enjoy your stories a lot more if you get a beta to glance over your work and make some quick corrections before you post it. :)

Again, I didn't mean to offend you in any way, just giving a little constructive criticism. :) Glad you seem to have liked the movie! I may go see it myself pretty soon, even though I wasn't a huge fan of Twilight. It's always interesting to see how the movies turn out.
blurrylights chapter 1 . 11/21/2008
This story made me burst out in laughter. I'm a twilight fanatic, and i can still appreciate this...the line about the hair and teeth was so funny, and i loved the domestic violence comment. And obviously, that last seven lines (dialog) were pure genius...the way he threw out his vampireness was hilarious and the god comment was crazy funny. The "lol np" from Edward was so sister thinks i'm crazy now. Even more than before...

But seriously, a winner. Your style is totally hilarious and I would love to read more!