I really don't have much in the way of criticism to pick out here. The main characters may seem Mary-Sue-ish in appearance, but they definitely have unique personalities. I'll be sure to check back for more. :D

I hardly even use fictionpress anymore never mind actually reviewing but I found a set of emails from this author 'Impersonating Sugar' from ages ago in my inbox and I thought I'd look it up and I found this story. I was pleasantly surprised. I really loved it. Nothing has been able to grip my attention on this site for such a long time but I found this rewrite completely original despite the overuse of the cliche as well as funny and witty.

I think that you're highly underrated to have so few reviews for your story. It's really entertaining .

You write really well for the context. The protagonist's nature comes through in the writing, you give immediate insight into the characters' personalities, you present believable situations and I honestly looked forward to seeing how the story progressed.

Not to pressure you but I'd love to read a completed version of this rewrite. I find it fifty times better than the original (no offense but I couldn't get past the second chapter because I kept comparing it to this) and I genuinely love it. Still, I don't want to sound like I'm badgering you for another chapter because if you don't want to finish it, I respect that.

Anyway, you're very good at incorporating personality into your story and your characterisation is lovely to me. I look forward to more great writing,

Ileum - previously boberick

Hopefully that made sense. I didn't read it over so please ignore any repitition etc. ;)

i like it i think it will be better she is more like a teen more believable .. she is classified as a teachers pet but she doesnt really want to be classified like that .. and the turtle neck and jeans are better than polos knee socks and skirts

.,.good job .. i like both im excited at how this will turn out

Aw.

I'm thoroughly liking this story so far! So yeah, update soon!

D

I like this a lot. Cameron's smart-ass comments are a highlight, but all around.

Ive never read your original version of this story but I can definitely tell you that this version is real. Ive added this story to my favorites and will be following eagerly.

Hiya

well you have me hooked. I was thinking of reading the first version, but decided not to. I would rather be surprised. :)

It was good. I really enjoyed it.

I found a couple of mistakes etc.

1. The day really had started off at its usual slow repetitive pace, and dragged along after that. - you can drop the really, it just mucks up the pace of the sentence.

2. i notice you use brackets a lot. You really don't need to. eg (“Dressing like a slut will make people think of you as a slut” was their simple reasoning). - you could write it like this - They would say, 'Dressing like a slut will make people think of you as a slut,' which was their simple reasoning. - or something like that.

Another great story.

Angel - the roadhouse forum. :)

hiya

it flows really nicely. I like the way it's going. I've never read the first version. It sounds just like school which is great. Can't wait to read more.

Angel

Heey, whilst the main character here is different to your main in the other story I reviewed, I can't help but notice that your openeings are similar. Both start off with the main giving an introduction of themselves; rather than getting right into the action of the story. This was just an observation I made...anyhow, there were no problems with the narrative ~ it flowed well, and was very high schooly. Cameron sounds like a very interesting character...

~ Sakina x

I'm really liking this story! Please update soon! I might just be becoming a Cameron fangirl, lols!

~Reigh~

Aw...I feel bad for her! Parents like this suck and are kind of good at the same time. At least she's not out on the streets getting in trouble. But..they could lighten up a little bit and let her have some fun. Looking forward to reading the next chapter!

~Reigh~

Oh, that was an interesting prologue! I'm impressed so far. I like your characterization of Jennifer. She seems realistic, and I look foward to reading more about her and Cameron. I haven't read the old version, but I think in the future I'm going to have to hold myself back from peeking at it to see what happens next (that is if there are similarities between the old and new versions). Your writing style is really nice and easy to read, and I didn't catch any huge grammar or spelling mistakes which is always nice. I think you've set yourself up for a really good story. Keep it up! :)

You have a very readable style of writing. It's light and easy, and I LOVE the opening! Very cool. I also really liked the way you had snippets of dialogue from conversations between her and her parents in parentheses. It creates this really interesting sort of snapshot effect.

There's only one thing I'd say you could work on. There are a few parts in the first half of the chapter that feel a little info-dumpish. Maybe take a few details (like her knowing two other languages and such) and sprinkle them throughout the rest of the narrative.

But other than that, this is a great start! _

keep writing! i love it!

Hell hole indeed. With him in it. xD -cough- -cough-

OMG!

That was really great!

hahaha! Loved it! Wow!

Hope you can update soon. )