Reviews for The Littlest Marine
W.C. Rickenbaucker chapter 1 . 12/23/2008
Hm...sorry if you get a favourite, I hit that button by accident. I'm still debating on this one.

You've got a good start here, but your chapters are too short for me to get a FEEL of the story. Your first chapter could have sufficed as more of a "prologue", and your second could have used some more detail, and be longer then it is. It's like when you ask if you could have a cookie from someone, and they break off a third of it and eat the rest themselves: it's just not that satisfying to whiz through reading.

My advice: develop the characters a little. Give us more insight into their thought patterns, their habits, their phobias and quirks-don't introduce them all at once, though; weave it into the story. THAT is the key.

Otherwise, I shall be checking in on this now and then when it comes on the first page. Please, continue, and don't rush yourself.
Xerophyte chapter 1 . 11/27/2008
As with the original, excellent job. It seems I missed a semicolon that should be a colon in the first paragraph...oops. My fault :P