Well, using the little writing skills I have, I didn't notice any mushed lines or paragraphs in chapters 1-5.

Anyway, I just thought of this right now: Can Aoshima change his voice? Because, you know, yeah... I don't really want to write it straight out just in case there's a random person reading who hasn't read the old version or JD. I'm the type of person who reads reviews first before the story, but that's not the point. You know what my question means, right? (Of course.)

I love Miyuki's reaction when she saw the pictures :D. And I also like the part you added about Miyuki doing chores. It's nice to see from time to time how she copes with living alone.

Well, truthfully, I first thought it a bit... I don't know... weird? when I first read this part in the story. Hey, it's not every day you get kidnapped XD. And with my current knowledge that I previously didn't have before because of a certain twist in this story that left me stunned for a couple of hours, I don't really know what to say, except what I said before in my other review: If only she knew. :D :D

"I have a disease that... if I get cut, I'll die from blood loss because it won't clot properly." Nice excuse, Miyuki. XD At least she thought of one; I would've been too messed up to say anything, let alone come up with something like that :D

And what are you saying about it's not good enough! It's awesome! But of course, I'm not the one to say that, since I always ask myself that question, too, when I write about anything, I guess.

Update soon!

Hello again :P.

I know how Miyuki feels :D. Sadly, the first time I ever went to an amusement park was when I was one (I can't even remember! I only know that I went because of my baby pictures), and the next time I ever went to another one was ten years later. The first time I went to Disneyland was last year, and without my parents there, I couldn't help but act the way Miyuki does in this chapter!

I really like the part you added where Miyuki cuts in line. Hehe. I can only imagine how exasperated Aoshima was, in not showing how much fun he was having, that is! (Haha, it's fun reading this part in JD, although it's not as happy-happy.)

The haunted house scene is still as epic as ever.

I really like Miyuki's narration. She's so sarcastic and awesome, and I love the comparisons she makes.

Your writing is so fluid and awesomely awesome. I find it so easy to imagine everything :D.

:D

This chapter is one of the funniest!

I love that conversation between Miyuki and Aoshima at the beginning, when he's trying to figure out her name.

"You don't like it when I call you, you."

"So you're watching out for my feelings!"

That's so epic XD.

I think I've said this before, but Furukawa is such an awesome teacher, although I'd never want to have her as my teacher. She gives off an aura of a crazy person, no offense to her. xP But that makes her even more awesome!

"How could you, you heartless fiend, his expression said, how could you kill my cat?" I love this line you added XD.

As much as Miyuki likes to imagine what goes on inside Aoshima's head (which I'm compelled to believe is so true), I want to see what it'd be like to go inside her head. I imagine going in a theme park filled with roller coasters that never end!

Well, I can't point out every single line because all of them are so awesome in this chapter, so I'll just move on to the next one and laugh again until my stomach hurts. (I've been fighting hard not to laugh out loud because I don't want my parents giving me crazy looks. You know, it is kinda awkward when it's all quiet and then suddenly, someone randomly laughs.) It's your fault; you can be sure of that! XD

Hello :D.

Man, I wish I have Miyuki's brain. I'd ace everything, and school wouldn't be as hard as it is now. But oh well.

I like that phrase at the beginning about the guitar. It creates more impact, at least to me it does :).

"Sir, don't say anymore," I raised a hand to silence him, readying a dramatic pose that involved thumping one hand over my heart. "I am resolved to do this! If I can't overcome this tiny obstacle, how will I ever reach my dreams?"

That part always makes me laugh XD. Ahahaha. She's so dramatic :P.

If only all teachers were like Matsuoka :D.

Poor Aoshima XD. Miyuki just had to ruin it, huh? And he was all happy about his score, too.

Onto the next chapter :D

Hi! :D

Well, I guess this is the perfect opportunity to say what I wanted to say for each chapter! (I never got to, you know, review for each chapter last time, so I'm resolved to do it now!) And by the way, you sure update this pretty fast, although it may seem that way to me because of my week-long (or is it 2?) hiatus.

Ah, the first chapter. Before I ramble on and on, I just wanted to add that I find it fun to see the differences and similarities between this and the old version. When I read it, I was like, "Oh, this is new," or "She kept it the same here," or "It's still the same but she changed the wording a bit differently." XD.

When I read it, I felt like Miyuki got a bit meaner, or is just me?

Moving on.

Miyuki is so awesome. I love how she teases Aoshima! Ah, if only she knew. But I'll save that part of my commentary for a specific chapter. Hehe.

One of my favorite lines in this chapter (but all of Miyuki's lines are exceptionally funny anyway) is, "If you'll let me, I can cleanse the darkness of your personality." Ahaha.

I particularly love the first chapters because they are a bit random (the main plot/conflict still isn't introduced), and they're so funny!

I have something to say for Sakurai, too. You know, I still wonder about his friends, if he had any. It seems that he never had any, and that his first friend is Miyuki. In a way, he reminds me of my friend who, no matter what I do (smacking him, teasing him, the usual), still hangs out with me. And like Sakurai, he likes to beg people for food XD.

Well, Sakurai is a friendly person, and it's hard to think that he didn't have any friends, but... who knows?

The first time I read this (the old version), I felt sorry for Aoshima (not knowing who he was, or will be, of course). Having someone like Miyuki nag you seems pretty hard to deal with. XD

Well, that's all for now. (My review for AA was pretty short because I wanted to read this badly XD).

Thanks for putting this up!

Suzuka is such a funny person. I read your former Racing Fate, and thought it was awesome, so I can't wait to see all the changes to this one.

I hope you update soon!~

~MiAquaN

Hi...?

Yeah... I'm F.R.'s friend )... I just wanted to say that your story's cool and sweet D. I loved reading it so much.

My reviews aren't gonna be as long as F.R's... I don't really say a lot, unlike her . And she's to blame for making me review this... I guess... Okay...

Aws the story has ended xDD but I really love ur ending - U did a great job and I hope u keep writing more interesting stories like this one :D

Aw who interrupted their loveydovey moment? D

Yess~~ OFcourse I would like to read about Shigeru's past xD

Love this chapter xDD

Shigeru and Miyuki make such a great couple

Aws soo swett ~~ xDD

Omy O_O"" That was really surprising.. Never thought that Aoshima and Sawachika were the same person xD Ur amazing

To next chapter now -

_ I think there are some mysteries behind aoshima..

We~ I love this story very much xD

Nozomu and Matsuri are soo cute

Love this chapter xD

Really interesting

Now to chapter 2 :P