|Reviews for Too Young To Die|
| girlincombatboots1907 chapter 1 . 4/22/2012
Wow! I can totally relate to the horrors that the victims must've gone through. Seeing it on the news for 3 days was hard enough! But brilliant work! Keep shining, stay awesome! :)
| socks-lost chapter 1 . 3/22/2009
Its really sad. I like the repitition, makes it more real. Not that it wouldn't have been "more real" sounding if it wasn't there. It kind of puts you there. You write really well and this was very touching. Awesome job! Keep it up!
| criti-sized chapter 1 . 1/30/2009
I agree that what happened in India is sad.
The poem was nice in many ways. The wording fit perfectly and gave a sense of what was going to happen without having too much detail in it, which was nice.
| SyMph0Ny Of cOloRS chapter 1 . 1/15/2009
That is so sad it literally brought tears to my eyes. I'm trying not to cry as I wrote this review. I think that you conveyed the feelings well and it made you feel...well sad and regretful that human-kind always has to resort to violence for no good reasons. Overall it was a beautiful poem. Bravo SWAID!
| Written chapter 1 . 1/13/2009
this is so sad :( seriously, I was so disheartened to hear what happened in mumbai. it seems like nothing is sacred you know? like... there's no peace.
anyway, I thought this captured the moment really well.
| TinyMusicalShore chapter 1 . 1/4/2009
That was very touching. I really enjoyed it :)
| Nicki BluIs chapter 1 . 1/1/2009
I remember watching the television horrified as this was happening. You captured the terror and last moments beautifully.
My only suggestion would be concerning the mechanics of the poem. Perhaps you could put periods at the ends of the sentences and format the line "I'm too young to die" so that it stands out. Also this line:
"I’m never going to prom,/Or be able to stand up there on the stage with my fellow students and graduate high school" doesnt flow very well.
Overall I thought it was a heart-wrenching and thought-provoking poem.
| Jestry chapter 1 . 12/30/2008
Man, this is really touching.
Really, everyone should be able to graduate high school and grow up and fall in love and find a purpose in life before they die.
I think this really reflects what must have gone on on the mind of a victim. Especially the last line... "I guess no one is ever too young to die."
Thanks for sharing this.
It makes me appreciate how lucky I am again. (:
| nul chapter 1 . 12/2/2008
I was traumatized when I heard about Mumbai, and the Taj Hotel.
I didn't hear about till a day before they finally stopped, to say I was upset would be a major understatement.
But on to your poem:
I liked the repetition. Sometimes repeating onesself gets really annoying,but I liked it in this.
I think that you can take out the "and" in "And I whisper.." line because , I think it sounds better. But don't listen to me, I could be wrong.
The sentence I don't particularly like is "Daddy and I.."
There's nothing wrong with it.
It just kind of irks me.
Also, I felt [but I'm not sure] if the "help make the world a better place" is needed.
Don't listen to me.
Martin the Waterskier
Overall, this is a well written poem!
| writing-addict77 chapter 1 . 12/1/2008
That was tragically beautiful...I haven't heard too much about the attacks even though it's been on the news. This poem made me cry...:( Well written, very well.
| DarkRose1593 chapter 1 . 11/30/2008
That is really sad, that things like that happened at that innocent, young people got hurt and even killed. People who do things like that make me so mad-there is no point in doing something like this.
This poem really expresses your feelings about this. Great job with that and keep up the good work.
| yourKonstantine chapter 1 . 11/30/2008
This is beautiful and poignant and heartbreaking. I haven't really been following the terror attacks in India, but this really makes me want to.
Please keep writing, I can feel the emotion in this beautiful little poem.
| collypollyy chapter 1 . 11/29/2008
Wow. This most of been a tough poem to write. Even though its short, its very very very VERY strong. The words get to you and you start crying. I love this!
You write awesome poetry!
| Abbey Mae chapter 1 . 11/29/2008
I know, it's awful isn't it? But I saw on the news the shootings are over now; the last three gunmen are dead... thank God...
| Wallflower.x chapter 1 . 11/28/2008
This is so powerful and moving that I think it's perfect in getting your point across. Good work! I feel so bad for those situations..