Reviews for Outskirts
RemarkableMen chapter 1 . 12/6/2008
This story is awesome!

You rock so hard.
HiringParanoia chapter 3 . 12/4/2008
Still as magnificent as the first and second chapters! I'm loving how the plot is unfolding (even if I can't read this as fast as I'd like, curse my distractions) and how the characters interact. You truly have a gift for giving just enough detail about the scene to let the reader know the setting. It's not too little, and it's not too much (which is sometimes worse than too little). And it's little things too, like the dust blowing over her boots and stuff.

Don't let this review encourage you too much though. Finish schoolwork, then write! I feel your pain...stupid finals.
HiringParanoia chapter 1 . 11/29/2008
This is awesome. The imagery in the beginning is very well done, you can see and hear everything, and it sets the tone very nicely. I love that you started not from a characters point of view, and waited until nearly the end to introduce the main characters.

Two things, though. This is something I've heard once or twice, forget what teacher, or who, really, but it does help. Whoever it was said that using 'you' when you're describing things detracts from the story, because it distracts the reader on some level and does very little to actually put them in the story. Of course, there are exceptions, like the stories where you're supposed to imagine that you ARE the person, and it walks you through step by step, that kind of thing.

The other thing, is the Santa Claus and motorcycle bit. It's very effective, because everyone who's going to read this knows those two things, but at the same time, it's ineffective if those things don't exist in this universe you're creating. If the characters wouldn't know about it, or at least, the majority of the 'verse's population wouldn't know about it, it's generally best to not use it. It helps the reader be completely submerged in the verse you have, and it doesn't pull them out of it so that they can pull from the world we live in to understand what you're getting at. Using something else would keep people in the story completely. Make sense?

Again, this is just friggin' amazing. I can't wait to see more, because it can be so hard to find some really, really good stuff.
18 | « Prev Page 1 2