|Reviews for Collection of poems|
| steffxnie chapter 2 . 12/5/2009
A very lovely poem. It has good imagery. I like the second stanza... the third too... and the forth. Well, that makes it everything.
Your writing is wonderful.
Please keep writing! ;)
| XxNoImaginationxX chapter 12 . 10/28/2009
I like the basic idea of this poem, though I must admit I don't fully understand it. I like the last two stanza's though, the last particularly. It's really interesting, the entire concept, the way you put it together. I get the feeling you are sending a message, but the poem itself is open for interpretation, to a certain extent.
Reading over it again, it is really only the first stanza the gets me lost, I suppose it is a very involved scene, a kind of, have to have experienced it to fully understand type of thing... maybe?
Lol, still, good work as always.
| XxNoImaginationxX chapter 10 . 10/28/2009
I really love this poem. It's so deep and just.. yeah. In just one poem you have clearly expressed everything I have tried to do in all of mine but never succeeded. This is a really amazing piece.
It's so simple, yet it really works for this. You don't need big fancy words, yet the plain truth, and that is just what you have done. Screw what JMAC says, we don't need 'words that sing', just the truth set out in plain and simple english. Sometimes that is just the best way to do it.
In my opinion, you should be really proud of this poem. )
(p.s. please excuse repetition :D)
| XxNoImaginationxX chapter 9 . 10/28/2009
Haha, I remember this one. You wrote it last year right? Cause I remember reading it at your locker.
Loves it. So very true. And it is indeed suspicious. Maybe they do stay away as they are afraid readers will make the connection between cheese and themselves.
Brilliant work Coke xD
| dragonflydreamer chapter 1 . 9/7/2009
Thanks for particpating in the Review Marathon (a while ago...). Here's your prize review:
[Every word cuts like ice on my throat.] Interesting description. "Ice" would be the first thing that came to mind for this situation, but it fits well.
[Every move you make/Is like you’re trying to take] I like the rhyme.
In the next stanza, the wording feels too repetative. You had the repitition of "leaving," then "always," then "no one/nobody." They work well individually, but they feel like too much together.
In the next stanza, the repitition of "maybe" does work well to drive the point in.
I like the ideas in the last three stanzas. They're relatable, and you present them well.
Overall, a good piece. Not the most original topic, but you did a lot with it to make it your own.
| Zombiesaurus Rex chapter 16 . 8/26/2009
Hey, here's your Freebie review.
The first thing that struck me was your use of enjambment. I'm not sure whether or not this was intentional, but I liked the way you broke up the syntactic units in this line: "I don’t want to watch another happy little town/Wake to the sunrise, because to me, it’ll never be dawn."
This particular instance of enjambment gives that stanza a fragmented, broken-up feel, and I feel that works well for this piece.
It felt to me as if the piece had a iambic meter, though the number of metrical feet seemed to vary. The first stanza especially scanned as iambic. For instance: "Another day, another time, another place," scans as, "aNOther DAY aNother TIME aNOther PLACE."
I noticed you did throw in a bit of variety, but the meter generally fell into iambic. Fortunately, iambic is a fairly natural meter for speech in English, so the rhythm slips under the radar and doesn't really undermine the fragmented quality I mentioned earlier.
I liked the tone. It was very melancholy and longing, and I felt it fit well with the word choice you used and the rhythm that naturally appeared in the piece. The line I mentioned under Technical is also a good example of this, and was one of my favorite lines from the piece.
I must admit to liking your imagery. It serves well to illustrate your tone and help expose the theme. Again, I'm going to cite the line I mentioned under Technical as illustration. The image of someone alone in a hotel room, unwilling to watch the sunrise, is perfect for this piece. More importantly, it struck me as a fairly original image.
| Faithless Juliet chapter 15 . 8/10/2009
What I really loved about this piece was constant repetition; especially at the end with: ‘It’s not that important’ I got such a clear image of the narrator constantly trying to convince themselves that the relationship was something that it wasn’t. Or rather lack there of. It was extremely strong for the reader, and I felt like I was going on the journey and convincing myself along with you.
I think what I didn’t really like was the ending. It seemed kind of flat to me - although, I get where you were going with it… You melded the themes of the narrator convincing themselves one thing, and then it shifted to them saying that one day they’ll learn to love them the way that they needed to be loved. It felt weak that they would say that. Although, now that I write about it, I realize that it does in fact make sense that it would be that way. Perhaps it’s just on a personal level that I don’t like it, it hits too close to home perhaps.
Very nice piece overall, keep up the good work.
| Isca chapter 16 . 8/9/2009
"Everything becomes a blur, all empty space, it just melds together." I adore this line. The imagery in the first two parts is very striking and melancholic. The words, "it just melds together," however, were particularly startling - the tone here is very moving and sorrowful. :)
"I sit alone in my hotel with the lights down." The imagery here reminded me of a scene from "The Catcher in the Rye."
"That I’ll never know how you can say everything without a single sound." I really like this line. It's fascinating to think that people can communicate while still remaining silent - nothing needs to be said - they just 'know' what the other person feels and the secrets that they cannot bring themselves to reveal.
The poem flowed and rhymed really well.
Keep up the good work.
(The Review Game - Poems - Easy Fix)
| tonight we bloom chapter 14 . 7/30/2009
This whole thing was absolutely gorgeous. Beautiful imagery, descriptions, emotions, word choices. This one was probably my favorite though, with the rhyme scheme. It was so simple but beautiful. The last two lines were simply stunning.
Overall, this was a magnificent piece of work.
I would love opinions from a talented writer like yourself on my work, it would really mean a lot.
| simpleplan13 chapter 14 . 7/28/2009
Ok a few things..
In the first stanza you have into, into, to. It just seemed to repetitive.
"Now you are come,"... That's phrased awkwardly, maybe you have come or you are coming
Also, you say the person will be leaving in minutes, but then you say it's an hour. That kind of confused me. Lastly your title seems odd since you say "infinity in an hour" not eternity in the piece itself.
That said, I do like the piece. I think the rhymns works well. It doesn't sound forced and I like how they're not typical rhymes. For instance flower and hour with totally different spellings. The piece itself was a nice idea and very bittersweet. Nice job.
Again congrats on the RM!
| simpleplan13 chapter 9 . 7/28/2009
Congrats on winning the RM!
I loved the title because I am a poet and I love cheese.
"For some reason, people wait until the cheese/Or poet./
Is old and smelly".. I don't think there should be a period after poet
Actually your punctuation is really off. You don't really make sentences all the time, just sometimes, which seemed odd to me.
I liked the idea behind this piece. It's a creative and funny metaphor. The beginning was especially funny. Though I liked the ideas behind how you compared them, some comparisons seemed like a stretch like the different types. Also, it seemed kind of wordy repeating poet and cheese a lot. Still, it's a really great idea and definitely made me laugh.
| ChibiJC chapter 14 . 7/27/2009
great poem as usual bea,
So long I have waited,
For this single chance-
Now you are come,
And we will have our last dance.
my favourite part
great stuff as always bea. *two thumbs up*
| dragonflydreamer chapter 9 . 7/17/2009
Extremely belated RM review ;
Hah! Well, this is certainly one of the most original poems I've read in a while.
I have to admit, going into this I was thinking "oh great, random, immature humor." But you really surprised me and created a semi-serious yet still funny piece. I like how my opinion was completely changed because it made me enjoy the poem even more.
Your whole analogy between cheese and poets is utterly brilliant.
[But just like poets, cheese isn’t really appreciated while it’s young
For some reason, people wait until the cheese
Is old and smelly
Haha, I don't think any old, smelly, dead poet could have said it any better.
Now, on a more technical standpoint, there were a few things that bothered me. First was punctuation. You used it sometimes, but not others. I'd really suggest keeping it the entire time.
The flow was also a bit off. It had a good conversational tone to it, and some pauses were really well done to add to the humor, but there were a few awkward snags in it.
Thanks for the read. I definitely did enjoy it :)
| lipleaf chapter 13 . 6/29/2009
You have some very nice imagery in this piece. It's very descriptive and conjures up a picture in your mind, but still leaves some to the reader's imagination. I particularly liked the first verse, and the phrase 'bittersweet sunset".
The way the verses didn't have a consistent amount of lines was a bit odd- it threw the rhyming off a bit. It might help if you were a bit more consistent with things like that.
The Review Game- Easy Fix
| The-Golden-Hour chapter 9 . 5/23/2009
you are comparing poets...to cheese? S