|Reviews for Another Hopeful Morning|
| PoorEnglishArtist chapter 1 . 2/27/2009
I really like the idea here - so sorrowful, and such power to the sorrow.
But I think you coudl use some more interesting synonyms at times - the word 'boring' is just that in the context of this poem. It jumps out at me like 'error'! and red pen on a page.
The wish that you dulled in - I'm not sure that you can put 'in' with the word 'dulled'.
The healed and broken heart part is interesting, but it doesn't quite work - I wouldn't have helaed THEN broken, because it doesn't fit chronologically - a heart is broken first before it can be healed.
I woudlnt say 'THE millions of tears' - it soudns kinda clumsy I would instead write 'A million tears'. There's more weight to it, even though it's actually less tears than what you had first. and 'the millions of tears that you hid so well'? I don't quite get that line, but maybe it's just me being blonde.
The dreams that all my dreams... I would say the dreams IN WHICH, because I think it makes more grammatial sense. At least I hope it does. :D
So, to conclude, it's a good poem, just needs some tweaking and you'll be there!