|Reviews for Shift|
| qualeshia3 chapter 426 . 5/27
Exactly, how far do you plan on going with this story? These are a lot of chapters and I am wondering just how many you plan on adding. How many do you think Fictionpress is going to let you post? Not trying to be rude or anything I'm just curious.
It's great that you can post so many chapters out for this story. I wish I could do that. Good luck and more power to ya!
| DogGoesMoo chapter 1 . 4/19
Wow, you're already over 400 chapters so I don't even know if I should review this chapter 0 but here goes.
This is certainly an interesting start. The characters seem likeable, even Ayumi's confusing deception at the end doesn't change that. I also like the part about their house being flooded with blood. You did a good job describing the horror and confusion that Yuki felt... I'd say that was the best part.
Problems I had was that you had sentences that were awkward or just plain confusing (eg- '...leaving it to topple over as he sheathed his sword to the shed.'). Some sentences could have benefited from a comma.
A few errors I noticed :
This was Saki Furukawa and her other talent…martial [artist] - [arts]
I know [ ] sleep walk sometimes, but…' - [I]
Yuki dropped [ ] pole [ ] backing away from it already getting freaked out by his... - [the] [,]
...feeling like [he] been living a nightmare... - [he'd]
was staring at [him] waiting [ ] an answer - [her] [for]
... His eyes widened in [shook] as his - [shock]
Good start to a long long story
| Sherlock D Holmes chapter 1 . 4/17
Jesus christ this is a long one... well, it has been out for nine years, and is still updating, so it does sorta make sense. Eh, I'll give it a try.
| FadeToBlackNinja chapter 1 . 9/24/2016
WOW! Sooo much jam packed into one chapter that remains a mystery. What's this power inside Yuki? Why is he the heir to Atlantis? Where is the kingdom of Atlantis? Why did Ayumi plant those memories in his head! I gotta admit you have me hooked so far!
Though some events in this chapter felt unecessary, I gotta admit this is interesting so far. And judging by the overwhelming 350 chapters...it only gets better from here!
| O'Conner chapter 385 . 9/21/2016
Advanced response machine Aesir will there ever be any new chapters or will your grand epic continue to be the only thing that will be updated... Resistance is futile!
| philosophik1 chapter 1 . 8/9/2016
"It's as though his head had a mind of it's own..." I dont know if you meant it to be, but this line was hilarious. I laughed out loud.
| DatBrokeDude chapter 7 . 8/7/2016
Hey. I've read the first 6 chapters and will continue to read more. Talk to ya later. Nothing to say at the moment. Will have my thoughts after I read some more.
| VWX chapter 21 . 5/7/2016
Your story gets better and better
| kurokei chapter 1 . 4/25/2016
Two things you should keep in mind:
Grammar and apostrophes.
Other than that, an interesting premise!
| Kyubey the Kid chapter 1 . 4/1/2016
Very interesting premise! The struggle to control an overactive mind is a creative way to justify the protagonist's power, his internal struggle, and provide tension to the story all at the same time. I'm not sure if you're already aware of this, but your prose tends to draw attention to itself over what's happening in the story. It's a common criticism/complaint expressed the "classic literature" types, saying that it confuses the reader by adding ambiguity, though I tend to ignore them because I write in a style that's similar to yours. If the reader already has to visualize what's going on, then there should be nothing wrong with trying to provoke their imaginations while they're reading right?
It's mostly based around the use of metaphors and similes in your description over being as clear and dry as possible. Using present tense verbs over past tense and such. There's nothing wrong with this (despite what some people might criticize), but you have to be more aware about when you're doing it. While it's easier to write in past tense, this type of "gothic/poetic" prose has a lot of advantages that outweigh the normal style.
Portraying atmosphere and emotion is a lot easier with this prose than with any other. Things like personificating the envirioment become much easier and can add a deeper layer of tension to an already intense moment. Something like:
"Bob rapidly knocked on the door three times to the beat of his quickened heart, sweating like a desprate animal moments away from being roasted when no one answered."
Is much more evocative than:
"Bob knocked on the door desperately three times and panicked when no one answered."
Unfortunately this is something that has to be done sparringly, matching the emotional spikes of your plot. Doing it during moments of normalcy robs it of its impact when you're trying to get your readers feeling moved
| WhiteKnightL chapter 136 . 1/13/2016
I'm getting back on track with this. I am sooooo far behind x.x but I'm also glad you are still writing.
| DatBrokeDude chapter 2 . 12/27/2015
Huh. I remember Yuki was daydreaming the blue orb of energy creating sliced "arcs" in the street and also in the daydream he cut either the tree or a large limb off and it landed onto the car. Now he leaves elsewhere and an entire tree falls? So if the tree happened like he imagined, what of the slices in the street? Sounds almost like what many people use as Wind Magic, using air currents for offensive attacks which can usually be shaped into blunt force trauma style or direct precision strikes like a knife or anyother blade wound style attacks. In that note, Wind Magic was always one of my two favorite elemental magics. That and Lightning. Will continue on.
| Victoria Best chapter 1 . 12/21/2015
This was awesome! I could definitely see this being an anime! I can imagine this being the next big thing!
Your description was excellent, allowing me to really picture everything. I loved this sentence: "the rising booth bathed its warm pale blue light." Really lovely piece of imagery, and it is great how subtly you embed this in your work, so as not to overload the work with description, which would make the story tedious.
There was lots of mystery in this as well, which I loved, for example the section about the "unknown noise from a black void." There was also something very deep and intoxicating about this section, the way the voice was saying "have you ever" and then the words "alone" and "different." It was clear to me from that section that there was something Yuki did not know, something massive that would change his destiny, and this was a deep, intense and almost philosophical way of hinting this. Great section! It also had me hooked the way the voice just suddenly disappeared before it truly had a chance to explain itself and tell Yuki what it needed to tell him. Very suspenseful!
That ending was insane! I felt my mouth drop because it was just so overwhelming and awesome. I am really happy and excited for Yuki. It was clear from early on in the chapter that he was destined for something more than just being a typical teenager. Such a twist to know that he was the rightful heir of Atlantis! I can't wait to see how he will rule and save it. It was also a massive twist to know that Ayumi was not who she said she was and that she had implemented those memories into Yuki's head. That's almost quite a creepy thing to do and it makes me wonder about Ayumi's motives and whether she is a good character or not. She is definitely mysterious and I can't wait to read more about her.
Overall a great start and I have no constructive criticism for this chapter, except that the section near the beginning in the school felt a little long and unnecessary, you know, when there is the banter with Hiroshi. It just felt a little out-of-place and irrelevant when compared with the rest of this intense, fast-paced chapter, and could do with being cut down a little. Only a small comment though and feel free to ignore me.
Otherwise this was great. Keep writing!
| JokerJoker chapter 1 . 7/24/2015
Firstly, I love how you just had to add that "To be continued..."
Personally, I felt that your descriptions were perfect, but that's just in my tastes. Others may say that you revealed a bit too much, but it's enjoyable when reading.
Good job! I'm gonna continue reading
| Neurophysiologic chapter 321 . 5/27/2015
Glorious day for I'm now caught up. I was waiting for one of Yumi's personalities to show up. Though I thought it'd be different. My original hope was that they would be on Yuki's side and help out. Him being sealed is definitely going to make this rough. Then you have military recon. I'm sure they will learn how to do this. My guess is Demothenes (spellcheck? Lol) will have to involve Atlanteans, he IS the king. Can't wait for next release, for I am probably your biggest fan.