|Reviews for Shift|
| philosophik1 chapter 1 . 8/9
"It's as though his head had a mind of it's own..." I dont know if you meant it to be, but this line was hilarious. I laughed out loud.
| JayBluuFoxx chapter 7 . 8/7
Hey. I've read the first 6 chapters and will continue to read more. Talk to ya later. Nothing to say at the moment. Will have my thoughts after I read some more.
| VWX chapter 21 . 5/7
Your story gets better and better
| kurokei chapter 1 . 4/25
Two things you should keep in mind:
Grammar and apostrophes.
Other than that, an interesting premise!
| Kyubey the Kid chapter 1 . 4/1
Very interesting premise! The struggle to control an overactive mind is a creative way to justify the protagonist's power, his internal struggle, and provide tension to the story all at the same time. I'm not sure if you're already aware of this, but your prose tends to draw attention to itself over what's happening in the story. It's a common criticism/complaint expressed the "classic literature" types, saying that it confuses the reader by adding ambiguity, though I tend to ignore them because I write in a style that's similar to yours. If the reader already has to visualize what's going on, then there should be nothing wrong with trying to provoke their imaginations while they're reading right?
It's mostly based around the use of metaphors and similes in your description over being as clear and dry as possible. Using present tense verbs over past tense and such. There's nothing wrong with this (despite what some people might criticize), but you have to be more aware about when you're doing it. While it's easier to write in past tense, this type of "gothic/poetic" prose has a lot of advantages that outweigh the normal style.
Portraying atmosphere and emotion is a lot easier with this prose than with any other. Things like personificating the envirioment become much easier and can add a deeper layer of tension to an already intense moment. Something like:
"Bob rapidly knocked on the door three times to the beat of his quickened heart, sweating like a desprate animal moments away from being roasted when no one answered."
Is much more evocative than:
"Bob knocked on the door desperately three times and panicked when no one answered."
Unfortunately this is something that has to be done sparringly, matching the emotional spikes of your plot. Doing it during moments of normalcy robs it of its impact when you're trying to get your readers feeling moved
| WhiteKnightL chapter 136 . 1/13
I'm getting back on track with this. I am sooooo far behind x.x but I'm also glad you are still writing.
| JayBluuFoxx chapter 2 . 12/27/2015
Huh. I remember Yuki was daydreaming the blue orb of energy creating sliced "arcs" in the street and also in the daydream he cut either the tree or a large limb off and it landed onto the car. Now he leaves elsewhere and an entire tree falls? So if the tree happened like he imagined, what of the slices in the street? Sounds almost like what many people use as Wind Magic, using air currents for offensive attacks which can usually be shaped into blunt force trauma style or direct precision strikes like a knife or anyother blade wound style attacks. In that note, Wind Magic was always one of my two favorite elemental magics. That and Lightning. Will continue on.
| Victoria Best chapter 1 . 12/21/2015
This was awesome! I could definitely see this being an anime! I can imagine this being the next big thing!
Your description was excellent, allowing me to really picture everything. I loved this sentence: "the rising booth bathed its warm pale blue light." Really lovely piece of imagery, and it is great how subtly you embed this in your work, so as not to overload the work with description, which would make the story tedious.
There was lots of mystery in this as well, which I loved, for example the section about the "unknown noise from a black void." There was also something very deep and intoxicating about this section, the way the voice was saying "have you ever" and then the words "alone" and "different." It was clear to me from that section that there was something Yuki did not know, something massive that would change his destiny, and this was a deep, intense and almost philosophical way of hinting this. Great section! It also had me hooked the way the voice just suddenly disappeared before it truly had a chance to explain itself and tell Yuki what it needed to tell him. Very suspenseful!
That ending was insane! I felt my mouth drop because it was just so overwhelming and awesome. I am really happy and excited for Yuki. It was clear from early on in the chapter that he was destined for something more than just being a typical teenager. Such a twist to know that he was the rightful heir of Atlantis! I can't wait to see how he will rule and save it. It was also a massive twist to know that Ayumi was not who she said she was and that she had implemented those memories into Yuki's head. That's almost quite a creepy thing to do and it makes me wonder about Ayumi's motives and whether she is a good character or not. She is definitely mysterious and I can't wait to read more about her.
Overall a great start and I have no constructive criticism for this chapter, except that the section near the beginning in the school felt a little long and unnecessary, you know, when there is the banter with Hiroshi. It just felt a little out-of-place and irrelevant when compared with the rest of this intense, fast-paced chapter, and could do with being cut down a little. Only a small comment though and feel free to ignore me.
Otherwise this was great. Keep writing!
| JokerJoker chapter 1 . 7/24/2015
Firstly, I love how you just had to add that "To be continued..."
Personally, I felt that your descriptions were perfect, but that's just in my tastes. Others may say that you revealed a bit too much, but it's enjoyable when reading.
Good job! I'm gonna continue reading
| Neurophysiologic chapter 321 . 5/27/2015
Glorious day for I'm now caught up. I was waiting for one of Yumi's personalities to show up. Though I thought it'd be different. My original hope was that they would be on Yuki's side and help out. Him being sealed is definitely going to make this rough. Then you have military recon. I'm sure they will learn how to do this. My guess is Demothenes (spellcheck? Lol) will have to involve Atlanteans, he IS the king. Can't wait for next release, for I am probably your biggest fan.
| Neurophysiologic chapter 276 . 5/22/2015
So many reveals and so much information. Eudokia seems to have lost it. Yuki makes me like him even more. I do like how this doesn't follow traditional manga logic. Emotions make you weaker. Makes this very enjoyable.
| Neurophysiologic chapter 270 . 5/22/2015
I can see hints of Kenpachi in Alexander but he is far less battle hungry. This fight is really heating up.
| Neurophysiologic chapter 245 . 5/21/2015
I really like Sumiko. I seem to like all of the souls that reside in her. Can't wait to see Yuki's battle though.
| Neurophysiologic chapter 217 . 5/17/2015
Now that's a plot twist. Ayumi may not be Eudokia (not sure if I spelled it right). I was already thinking that Ayumi seemed weak for such a position. I want her be someone else, honestly never liked her. She always seemed like a Rukia imitator. Someone with strength at the start but weak when compared to others. Well, the show must go on so that I can learn her identity. Still love Masa. Really can't wait to see what happens with her. I'm sure she will emerge as a huge threat later. Can't wait.
| Neurophysiologic chapter 211 . 5/16/2015
Hell yeah Chiharu! Cut his head off!