|Reviews for Shift|
| Shang chapter 10 . 9/18
Ah, the old anime/manga rule: if you're losing the fight, just scream louder is still in effect, I see :D
And interesting chapter; I'm growing to like Momoko... hopefully there won't be a shift (heh :D) like with Saki The events are entertaining, but a piece of advice: you should consider working on your paragraphs.
I noticed this specifically near the ned of this entry when the text felt like repetition when in one sentence after another you used 'wave'. It was a bit tiring and I think something similar could be avoided in two ways:
- either try using word substitutes; wave could be replaced with 'tide' or 'surge', for example;
- another possibility is making the paragprahs shorter; I noticed you have the tendency to cramp a lot of text into them and while I tend to do something similar, I think your tale would suffer if you separated the larger ones into two or maybe even three.
Still, with this pick up, the story gets more entertaining, though since we're having another "nameless goon #47", it takes a bit of the edge off, even if the reason for not giving his name is understandable.
| Shang chapter 9 . 9/13
I see we reached the point of the pilot with blood and all. I wonder if there will be many differences between the two.
I gotta say that Yuki' skepticism feels a tad much - his daydreaming aside, I think that he's just refusing "reality" for the sake of refusing since he had TREMENDOUS evidence to the contrary up to the blood point. And his behavior this chapter certainly didn't make me like him more (much like with Saki :().
Perhaps ironically, at this point, Hiroshi is my favorite (yeah, Yumi is shy and all, but she just doesn't stand out enough... plus Yumi - Ayumi... waaaay too similar :P).
I imagine that with the blood this arc is drawing to a close and I do wonder where the story moves from there. But kudos on the tree thing - I honestly didn't expect for that to come back into the story :D
| Shang chapter 8 . 8/22
In the words of StarCraft's Dragoon units: "I have returned" :D
And just like that Saki lost in my eyes for, essentially, being a bully herself to Hiroshi.
Not as much going on in this chapter as I hoped, but the story is moving forward and with the first "life and death" battle behind us, I am expecting some explanations soon. And the 'dark figure' is somewhat ominous. You should watch out for the scene changes though - their lack can be confusing to the readers like here there was no indication the flashback started or ended, disrupting the flow of the tale, to an extend.
I'll be reading more soon as the story picks up ;)
| Shang chapter 7 . 8/14
Okay, this fight scene left me confused; I really couldn't tell what was happening most of the time, particularly how wounds were inflicted and whatnot. In all honesty, the only clear part was that Ayumi won and she shape-shifted her weapon in the process (a skill not dissimilar to Halan from my "Forgotten Sands" story, so I think I have some ground to say that, I believe, descriptions here could've been clearer).
"Nameless goon #347" bites the dust, as expected with few concepts being further underlined as groundwork for future battles, I imagine. I certainly don't like Ayumi - her people skills suck out loud and it is somewhat surprising that she's taking that approach when she actually NEEDS Yuki for something.
The story certainly picked up and while there are some strange bits (like how, despite two explosions, no-one actually bothered to check the commotion on a school day), but most can be explained later on, so I'll let them go for now... a thing that makes no sense is why Ayumi brought Saki along, especially since she believes her to be useless, heck a problem even?
| Shang chapter 6 . 8/14
Much like with the pilot, the action was somewhat hard to follow, but you did a better job here than with the "blood showdown" in my opinion. It is actually pretty unique in that the main character is actually helpless; commonly, in a manga, he would "discover his power" at this point and beat the shit outta the assassin, so it's an interesting twist that he'll probably be saved by Ayumi... because of course it's Ayumi (pilot aside ;)).
One thing I forgot to mention in the previous review: your jumps from 'present' to 'flashback' should be a bit clearer - as they are the reader might get confused which isn't something you should aim for... well, not like that anyway. A change of writing (I, for example, have flashbacks written in italics), a full-out interruption to indicate the flashback starts/ends... anything. You did provide an intro to the flashback last time, but there was no real ending to it, so it took a moment to realize we were back in the present and the fact that the flashback was, essentially, something that happened between events in that chapter also felt a bit strange.
Either way I like the way you are presenting the assassin's abilities; they're more clearer to me than after the pilot and, like I wrote, I did enjoy this more than the blood version, even if some details are still hard to follow.
| Shang chapter 5 . 8/14
Hmmm... I know that this is anime/manga-based so logic doesn't necessary apply to character's way of thinking, but Ayumi's "tactics" are a bit of a contradiction - apparently time is of the essence and she must take care to not be discovered, yet she goes through all the trouble of enrolling into school (which takes times and biurocracy) and could bring attention to her, as transfer students tend to. This is all the weirder considering she doesn't seem to force Yuki to go with her, so what is the point of the whole masquarade?
Yuki's behavior also seems a tad strange... for him I mean: up til now he was happy to escape into fantasy and more often than not was completely detached from reality, yet when someone tells him he has powers etc. HE'S the one to suddenly stand firmly on the ground? It just feels incredibly random.
That said it is good to see the story picking up; I see it's sand rather than blood this time; less gruesome and a decent way to end the chapter in order to keep the readers interested. It's a bit sad that the assassin remains nameless - on one hand it makes perfect sense, but on the other he's just "small-time goon #347", which kinda implies he's a one-time enemy anyway and probably he'll be dead in a couple of chapters anyway... it's the basic of all adventure fiction :P
Well, I am curious to see the frist, real action scenes in the story, so off I go...
| Shang chapter 4 . 8/8
Probably won't managed the next chapter at this moment, but lets dig into this one: Hiroshi finally makes and appearance, alongside some Yumi girl whom I do not recall at all from the pilot. Hmmm...
The whole dynamic between Yuki and Ayumi felt weird/awkward somehow - just too random. On one hand I understand meeting Yuki was Ayumi's goal or whatnot, but still this just seemed too abstract for things to just develop like that. I can comprehend you may wanted to speed things up to get to the more exciting part, but... I don't know, I just feel like this could've been handled better.
There were some funny moments along the way and things do seem to start coming together, so that's a plus. And you chose a decent cliffhanger for the entry, considering there wasn't any action yet.
| Shang chapter 3 . 8/5
Hmmm... a lot of hints and mysteries in this one, along with the first "action scene" in the story.
Slowly the tale is starting to resemble the pilot (though one must wonder where is Hiroshi? :P) with the bullies. Saki seems like a fun character, kinda reminds me of Hinako from my harem story ' Certainly she seems like my favorite at this point, though it's only been two chapters, so...
Yuki, on the other hand, feels quite over-the-top, even for a manga story; unless he has some ADHD, I do not think he should lose focus THAT quickly. Ayumi is just mysterious right now, so not much can be said about her.
One thing to consider is using a bit more Japanese culture customs though; since this takes place in Japan, it might be good to implement the most basic "eccentricities" from the "Land of the Rising Sun" like adding suffixes to the names ("-kun", "-chan" etc.) or giving one's last name first when introducing themselves; these wouldn't really affect the understanding of the story for anyone, yet made the story feel more... on the spot for the lack of a better term.
There is still little that can be said about the plot, though this chapter, much like the first, leaves the reader intrigued, so they will likely keep reading ;)
P.S. sorry for not replying to the PM, but at the time I didn't think I had anything to add, considering this is 450 chapter story and I'm on the 2nd '
| Shang chapter 2 . 8/3
Well, it's been almost 10 years since my last review, but since I'm getting back to FictionPress I decided to refresh my alert list. Anyway, I've seen this story has tremendously grow in length over the decade (470 chapters... damn :D) and I also see you've changed it a bit.
My original review was for chapter 1 and all, but seeing is that one got replace, I'll use this spot to review the pilot in stead: on one hand (remaking some of my stories myself) I can understand trying to present a new intro, since it is the thing that should keep the readers hooked, although using a, more or less, detached chapter may still not be the best idea... perhaps, in stead, a longer chapter (merging 2-3 normal ones like the manga commonly does for its first instalment) would have been a better choice?
The pilot is okay, granted I find it hard to follow a bit when the final battle began - I found the whole blood thing confusing honestly, because from the description I kinda imagined the characters ended up in an ocean of blood, but that didn't seem like the case from what transpired during the scene and it was still kinda baffling that nothing returned to normal, suggesting the entire neighborhood literally turned into blood - something that doesn't go unnoticed in real world. I guess further reading of the actual story might shed some light at this (or maybe the first arc will take a different route), but thiss might be problematic.
Yuki still feels rather unlikable, despite his desire to protect his family (given his attitude towards Momoko it just feels out of place) and the ability of imagination coming to life could lead to extreme overpowering characters, which will be tricky to handle in a action type of story.
Still it is intriguing none the less... gives out a "Bleach" like vibe at the start (in terms of general concept, mind you - not plot or characters) which can be a blessing if done correctly. The pilot does give a "heads up" to the actual story (the first, actual chapter is too short to make out anything plotwise), though it kinda spoils the opening arc as the reader, technically, knows were it's all going.
I'll be reading more of this in the near future to see how you handled the tale, but I stand by my original review that the main character is portraited clear enough (whether I like him or not is personal preference) and the general premise is certainly grabbing.
| Guest chapter 466 . 6/16
You've got a great story if it's the longest I've read so far,I haven't lost interest.
Keep up the good work.
| Guest chapter 466 . 6/16
I just want to say,your story is the longest story I've ever read,and definitely the most interesting.
| SSJJaden chapter 465 . 6/11
Great story.I've been reading shift for a month now and I liked it so much,I read about forty chapters a day! Shift is tje best fictiom I've read so far,not to mention the ,keep up the good work!
| Darth Zannacross chapter 3 . 3/3
Haha, time flies, been a white but, might as well get back on this. Ah, adjusting to another nation is always a pain, even harder when magic is involved. Hopefully Yuki will take the hint but, looking at how long this story has become looks like there is quite a while for either a friendship or romance to grow lol. We will see, till then best of luck.
| Starart152 chapter 1 . 3/3
This is a nice pilot that gives a lot of what we should expect form the story. The characters are nice and Yuki feels like one of the classic main characters and I can already see that his desk is next to a window that allows him to daydream like in a lot of anime and manga.
As for the action, it was short, but the details were really interesting and gives a strong image of what was going on.
| Drogyn chapter 170 . 2/22
Poor Chiharu, feeling Gimli's pain all too well right now.