|Reviews for Shift|
| qualeshia3 chapter 1 . 11/10
After this epic novel, what are you going to do next with this story?
| Mai Sachiyuki chapter 1 . 10/28
Yo~ I'm a new reader here on FictionPress and you had me hooked on this chapter! Will catch up with the chapters soon, I hope *sweatdrops*
| Bookwriter94 chapter 12 . 7/16
Finally finished with the School Days Arc: Awakening, and I got to say it was pretty good.
At first I was a little confused when I first began reading the first chapter, but after reading the AN I understand how it worked when you began the pilot.
Anyway, up next in the School Days Arc is: My Brother's Keeper. Now that Yuki's power is unsealed he's going to have a hard time trying to control it. On top of that he's going to be trained by Ayumi, fight against assassins, and protect his family all in one day.
I wonder how this'll turn out, but I guess I find out later in the second part in the School Days Arc. I'll be reading the next part later and will review to you once I read this story again, but until then, see ya later for now!
| Bookwriter94 chapter 1 . 6/22
So now the story begins, Yuki's power awakens and not to mention he'll be hunted down by assassins due to him being a threat to them. Still, I wonder why Ayumi said that he's an "heir", but to what exactly? Guess I'll just have to read the first arc and find out.
Well I'll be reading the first arc and I'll review once I reach the end.
| qualeshia3 chapter 426 . 5/27
Exactly, how far do you plan on going with this story? These are a lot of chapters and I am wondering just how many you plan on adding. How many do you think Fictionpress is going to let you post? Not trying to be rude or anything I'm just curious.
It's great that you can post so many chapters out for this story. I wish I could do that. Good luck and more power to ya!
| DogGoesMoo chapter 1 . 4/19
Wow, you're already over 400 chapters so I don't even know if I should review this chapter 0 but here goes.
This is certainly an interesting start. The characters seem likeable, even Ayumi's confusing deception at the end doesn't change that. I also like the part about their house being flooded with blood. You did a good job describing the horror and confusion that Yuki felt... I'd say that was the best part.
Problems I had was that you had sentences that were awkward or just plain confusing (eg- '...leaving it to topple over as he sheathed his sword to the shed.'). Some sentences could have benefited from a comma.
A few errors I noticed :
This was Saki Furukawa and her other talent…martial [artist] - [arts]
I know [ ] sleep walk sometimes, but…' - [I]
Yuki dropped [ ] pole [ ] backing away from it already getting freaked out by his... - [the] [,]
...feeling like [he] been living a nightmare... - [he'd]
was staring at [him] waiting [ ] an answer - [her] [for]
... His eyes widened in [shook] as his - [shock]
Good start to a long long story
| Sherlock D Holmes chapter 1 . 4/17
Jesus christ this is a long one... well, it has been out for nine years, and is still updating, so it does sorta make sense. Eh, I'll give it a try.
| FadeToBlackNinja chapter 1 . 9/24/2016
WOW! Sooo much jam packed into one chapter that remains a mystery. What's this power inside Yuki? Why is he the heir to Atlantis? Where is the kingdom of Atlantis? Why did Ayumi plant those memories in his head! I gotta admit you have me hooked so far!
Though some events in this chapter felt unecessary, I gotta admit this is interesting so far. And judging by the overwhelming 350 chapters...it only gets better from here!
| O'Conner chapter 385 . 9/21/2016
Advanced response machine Aesir will there ever be any new chapters or will your grand epic continue to be the only thing that will be updated... Resistance is futile!
| philosophik1 chapter 1 . 8/9/2016
"It's as though his head had a mind of it's own..." I dont know if you meant it to be, but this line was hilarious. I laughed out loud.
| DatBrokeDude chapter 7 . 8/7/2016
Hey. I've read the first 6 chapters and will continue to read more. Talk to ya later. Nothing to say at the moment. Will have my thoughts after I read some more.
| VWX chapter 21 . 5/7/2016
Your story gets better and better
| kurokei chapter 1 . 4/25/2016
Two things you should keep in mind:
Grammar and apostrophes.
Other than that, an interesting premise!
| Kyubey the Kid chapter 1 . 4/1/2016
Very interesting premise! The struggle to control an overactive mind is a creative way to justify the protagonist's power, his internal struggle, and provide tension to the story all at the same time. I'm not sure if you're already aware of this, but your prose tends to draw attention to itself over what's happening in the story. It's a common criticism/complaint expressed the "classic literature" types, saying that it confuses the reader by adding ambiguity, though I tend to ignore them because I write in a style that's similar to yours. If the reader already has to visualize what's going on, then there should be nothing wrong with trying to provoke their imaginations while they're reading right?
It's mostly based around the use of metaphors and similes in your description over being as clear and dry as possible. Using present tense verbs over past tense and such. There's nothing wrong with this (despite what some people might criticize), but you have to be more aware about when you're doing it. While it's easier to write in past tense, this type of "gothic/poetic" prose has a lot of advantages that outweigh the normal style.
Portraying atmosphere and emotion is a lot easier with this prose than with any other. Things like personificating the envirioment become much easier and can add a deeper layer of tension to an already intense moment. Something like:
"Bob rapidly knocked on the door three times to the beat of his quickened heart, sweating like a desprate animal moments away from being roasted when no one answered."
Is much more evocative than:
"Bob knocked on the door desperately three times and panicked when no one answered."
Unfortunately this is something that has to be done sparringly, matching the emotional spikes of your plot. Doing it during moments of normalcy robs it of its impact when you're trying to get your readers feeling moved
| WhiteKnightL chapter 136 . 1/13/2016
I'm getting back on track with this. I am sooooo far behind x.x but I'm also glad you are still writing.