|Reviews for Shift|
| Senshi Sun chapter 2 . 4/28/2013
Hey there! It's been a bit of a while, but I wanted to come back and review again.
I read a bit of chapter 188 for style, and my guess has been confirmed. You do get better with time, in fact, you get a lot better with time. Not really much else to say but my mantra from last review: "It's been four years."
I really did not feel like reading your update blurb even though told me to. It has all the hallmarks of a new writer who doesn't know what they're doing yet. It encourages me to forget about everything I learned in the last chapter, because it's all going to change here. I posit a question: If the story actually starts with this chapter, why not start with this chapter? This chapter can get us invested just as well as the last one did.
The answer is: You were new at the time and didn't know what you were doing. That's okay. It's perfectly normal. In the first fanfic I wrote I was a terrible cannon-thumping mess and made myself sound like a pretentious brat. (My regular stories just had illogical plots.) I am in the process of re-editing that chapter to remove the pretentiousness.
Anyway, the story proper starts with the same scene that opened the pilot- Champion Yuki being praised for defending the castle. Then he hears a female voice calling to him.
"The entire world went black suddenly washing away as though it had all been freshly painted pealing way under the pressure of water. All that he could see was the black void around him and then a narrow line of light that slowly widened revealing his bedroom ceiling and his older sister, Momoko's brown eyes staring over him."
I love this bit. The description is perfect, creating wonderful imagery in my mind. The fact you had Momoko wake him up this time instead of Ayumi was a nice touch. I think it makes more sense having someone that he connects to waking him up. At the same time, Momoko's eyes should not be staring over him. Momoko is standing or leaning over him, her eyes are probably staring at him. The preposition "over" feels a bit awkward where you placed it.
Momoko's interaction with Yuki is just plain fun. The siblings' personalities are clearer than they were in the last chapter. Momoko and Yuki seem a lot more realistic now. Ken and Jun have different personalities, which makes them more interesting. Saki comes in much later here, but she's more clearly established. I know I praised the last chapter for being a good introduction to the characters, but with this one, they feel more complete. These characters are more like real people.
I enjoyed the plot for this one much more than the last one. This chapter takes its time. The pilot really felt rushed, with all the characters and events you were trying to cram in. Here, everything is established when it needs to be, making the characters more three-dimentional and giving Yuki more time to play with his daydreams/powers. I really found the trees falling to be more interesting than Yuki's powers in the last chapter. This is showing its full potential. I can't wait to read more!
And now, a short rant about updates:
I'm surprised you've been able to keep the story going that long with an average of 3000 words per chapter and keep a regular update schedule. Obviously, the word count is skewed up because of author's notes, updates, and the like, but I would never be able to keep a story running for so long. Four years! How do you do that? If you want to take a break from this story, could you please write an essay on how to update regularly. I really need to use your tricks.
| Revamp chapter 111 . 4/25/2013
Looks like the Atlanteans are going to up the ante. Somehow I knew Yuki and Seiji's plan would land them eben more in trouble. I wonder what the Whites will present to the evolving situation.
| Revamp chapter 110 . 4/25/2013
I wonder how the people will react to Yuki's proclamaition now that he's outted himself. I have a feeling things will get more complicated from here.
| Revamp chapter 109 . 4/25/2013
Poor Fumiko. Ibet she feels bad about her powers getting out of hand and scortching the village.
The fight with Eusebios and Yuki was enjoyable and interesting. However I wonder what will happen now that the Atlanteans have custody of Yori and Yumi?
| Revamp chapter 108 . 4/25/2013
The fight with Kalliope and Fumiko had me on edge. It's probably the best of the fights so far. I hope that Fumiko can control her powers and doesn't end up truly making herself a terrorist in Atlantean eyes.
| Revamp chapter 107 . 4/25/2013
Yumi's new power is intetesting. I loved her moment of growth and strength when she protected Yori. It seems thier roles have reversed even if it's momentarily.
Yuki and Seiji's fight about enemies and battles added himor to the otherwise serious situation. I am still in intrigue on Mr. Alexander. I feel like he has a huge role in all of this.
| Revamp chapter 106 . 4/25/2013
Yumi is growing a lot as a character and becoming stronger as well. I assume this is the extent of her new power? I like that she's learning to fight for herself and being led away from her fragile school girl former self.
| Revamp chapter 105 . 4/25/2013
The scene between Yuki and Seiji was a strange mix of comical and heartwarming in it's own tough live way. I'm glad the other members of yhe group are headstrong it puts a nice inptedictable feel to thier unity. I'm looking forward to the possible fight ahead.
| Revamp chapter 104 . 4/25/2013
Is Yuki going to show himself against the ruthless search party? If noone stops him more than likely. I wonder what the others will do.
| Revamp chapter 103 . 4/25/2013
Yori had a brilliant idea with having Yuki construct a translator for him. I relate a lot to him out of all of the travelers. I think Yuki's reliance on Eudokia could prove just as much of a wealness and that sometimes he needs to find things out for himself. I do wonder what the truth is behind the king's position as well as the pros and cons of it. I feel like there atr eords left unspoken on it.
| Revamp chapter 102 . 4/25/2013
to be breaking down again as the hunters are closing in. It's a nice twist that the Atlanteans aren't the people the cast thought they were. It brings a nice sense of realism to the story.
| Revamp chapter 101 . 4/24/2013
I made it to your 100th chapter. I am celebrating that fact myself considering I don't feel as behind anymore.
This was a nice little flashback to simpler times chapter. Yuki and Saki were charming and thier patents wete given depth moreso than before about Yuki's situation. I like the appearance of Demosthenes as well amd his involvement.
I really am intrigued by his character. I can add him to my favorites list.
| Revamp chapter 100 . 4/24/2013
Things about Atlantis and Yuki's situation became further defined and the information cleared up a fair amount of questions I had regarding how they operated. They are a very interesting race so far. I look forward to learning more about them.
| Revamp chapter 99 . 4/24/2013
I was wondering about Saki's powers and this cleared it up forme. Her powers are appropriate and effective. I also like that she and Seiji are getting along. They are similar when I think about it.
| Revamp chapter 98 . 4/24/2013
So, they are finally in Atlantis territory only to find that they are being hunted for a couple of reasons. I do hope the effects of the barrier wear off of Seiji and that the gang escapes from thier situation.