Reviews for Shift
BennyBen chapter 1 . 5/31/2012
Great first chapter

A Little Confused about the prologuey bits as you talk about Awakening? What are you on about because i cant find anything?

23.OscarWilde chapter 1 . 3/30/2012
Amazingly written, you have a great way with words! I'm enthralled by it and eager to read more!

Keep being inspired,

SanjiandSerea chapter 4 . 3/26/2012
Wow it's been awhile but I still remember the gist of this story (guess you're just one of those writers who leaves an impact on somebody) and it's greatly improving.

The two things I might criticize are the huge description on Ayumi's uniform. We've got a whole paragraph just dedicated to what she's wearing, that's a little bit of over-kill personally. Then again that is my opinion.

The other is minor Yuki, Yumi and Ayumi... Wahhhh too amny Y's, U's and I's . That's just a tiny bit confusing. This might be subverted though as I have watched Rumiko Takahashi's fire tripper with Shukumaru, Shu, Suzu and Suzuko. Even though that had plot relevance I myself try to limit the characters that have too much of the same letters.

Anyway overall awesome job and loving the drama, but with cliff hangers I have to warn you SO many authors use that instead of ending instead of sprinkling cliff hangers through stories and using them as an actual ending rather than the plot devices that they are so easy does it.

Well Ja Ne for now SanjiandSerea.

If you wish to review me back do on chapter one of Gobou Doujou Otome. (And don't worry about how much time it takes it's not a track and field event :))
madness3v3 chapter 1 . 1/24/2012
This is a decent piece.
Maxus Mel chapter 1 . 12/13/2011
This is a really good story!
Bickazer chapter 47 . 8/31/2011
So we return to the school life scenes. A welcome relief after the intensity of the previous arc, I must say. This time the transition doesn't feel too forced and sudden, maybe because the scene with Tamotsu at the end of the previous chapter had a sort of "it's not over yet" feel to it...

As for this chapter, I did feel like it dragged a little in the middle with everyone wandering around looking for the shop, but otherwise the characters interactions were just fantastic - you clearly have a good handle on each of these characters and they really do feel like teenagers. This is probably the first time such a large cast has gotten involved into things, too, rather than just two or three characters at a time. A welcome change; the story's scope is definitely widening. Although I don't know exactly what's going to happen. This Mi Hana place seems intriguing...and I can't help but suspect that it's, a, well, disreputable establishment. Making fantasies come true...XD But that's probably not the case. In any event, I'm reading on to find out.
Bickazer chapter 46 . 8/31/2011
Well! Quite a bombshell at the end! So this arc isn't wrapped up so will clearly have a lot of repercussions in the future. Perhaps even tie to the main plot...but now I'm just aimlessly speculating.

I was surprised to see you continue exploring Chiharu's fragile psychological state into this chapter, though it makes sense - it's not something that can be fixed by just one hug, after all. It's the right decision to continue exploring it. Chiharu really has been messed up from being raised to be an assassin.

And Saki, good old Saki...I love her more and more. Although I admit I don't much understand the scene where she looks upon the sleeping Yuki and apologizes.

I'll keeping reading!
Bickazer chapter 45 . 8/31/2011
Well...that did not pan out like I expected, I have to admit, although I figure I should stop expecting things by now. XD I am hoping for a little more explanation about the attackers in future chapters, though.

Chiharu's emotional conflict is well-played - powerful and wrenching without being cheesy. I really like how you deal with the negative side of becoming a ninja/assassin, which is something that is usually just glamorized or completely ignored (I'm lookin' at you, Naruto...). I would even call Chiharu's upbringing abusive. Constantly telling a kid that they can't show any emotions is no way to encourage healthy psychological development. And it explains quite well why Chiharu is as messed up as she is. It makes perfect sense that Saki would be the one to help Chiharu out of that state; you've been contrasting and comparing the two ever since they met, and here we get to see the bigest difference between them: Saki's strength comes from her emotions. From her care and devotion for her friends.

Tamotsu and Haruo, I admit, are mysteries at this point and I still don't really understand their motivations. Haruo's especially. I'd have liked to see a little more about the execution scene and would have liked to see you delve a little deeper into the ramifications about killing another human being, but admittedly that's a very specific narrative kink of mine.

Reading on!
Bickazer chapter 44 . 8/31/2011
I'm back for another round of reviewing. Sorry for taking so long.

Whoa, ninjas! I hadn't expected to see that in Shift. Though it makes sense, given that you're taking on so many shonen cliches already.

This chapter definitely represents a welcome upping in the intensity. It's just one rush, rising and building up, creating excitement...I can't phrase it right. It's strange because there's not that much action in it, but the atmosphere - an unknown enemy attacking in the middle of the night - and the emotion conflicts, especially about killing and revenge, help create a lot of tension. I particular enjoy the revenge element. It's one that a lot of shonen address, yeah, but not very satisfactorily. I think it works in this case because you've already established Yuki and Saki as characters who do not kill and have not killed, so they don't come across as self-righteous hypocrites when they react with horror at Chiharu's revenge quest. And the fact that Yuki has personal experience with those kinds of feelings adds a lot of depth to his characters and makes his speech somewhat less preachy than it could have been.

Great job, and I'll keep on reading.
Bickazer chapter 43 . 8/2/2011
Yet another cliffhanger ending! You certainly enjoy torturing your readers, don't you? XD

I...actually don't think I have a lot to say about this chapter, because I liked it so much. It wasn't intense or particularly emotional, like some of the other high notes in this story, but it just unfoldeed in a very satisfactory way. Satisfactory...that's the only way I can describe it. Just a joy to read, with the plot and character progression flowing seamlessly, as well as the dispensing of information and the seeding of new mysteries. Sorry, I'm not making much sense, I know...

Right now there's a lot I don't know, ranging from what happens at the very end to why Masahiko was so interested in Yuki and friends. So I feel like I can't exactly comment on that stuff, because I know it will be revealed soon (but I'm impatient! XD). I do enjoy the character development in this chapter, especially Chiharu's. It strikes me that you're using Chiharu as a bit of a foil to Saki; both are girls who are very physically strong and good at fighting, but their outlooks and personalities couldn't be more different. I really do adore how you play around with traditional shonen roles, especially in relation to gender. In any other shonen manga, Chiharu - the emotionless fighter - would be a guy, and Saki - the childhood protector - would also be a guy. Instead, you made them both girls, and that changes quite a lot of the dynamics between them. It's fascinating. I love their conversation, how awkward and strange it is and how they both clearly come from completely different worlds, and can therefore barely understand the other.

And of course, Yuki is classic Yuki, and I love seeing him like this. His good cheer is a nice contrast to Saki's anxiety, which permeates the entire chapter - I think you made a good decision making Saki the focus of the chapter, because not only could you build on the contrast between her and Chiharu, you gave us a viewpoint that readers could more easily relate to than Yuki's carefree wonder and Haruo's...well, mysteriousness. By this point, I am certain there is a lot more to Haruo.

I am starting to notice that the number of characters keeps increasing. You're doing a good job juggling them so far, though some (Seiji, Hiroshi, Yuki's family) have been out of the story for a rather long time.

Turns out I had a lot to say anyway...well, I'm reading on!
Bickazer chapter 42 . 8/2/2011
Hahaha, well, if there's one thing I've come to expect from Shift, it's the unexpected! Seriously, you are taking this story into directions that I never would have fathomed. And it's awesome.

At first we have a confrontation that quickly ends thanks to Chiharu (who is sheer unleaded badassery), and then MEN IN BLACK SHOW UP. MEN IN BLACK, WTFFF! WTF in a completely good way. And then they kidnap Yuki and Saki and the other boy and yet they bring Yuki's manga with them and at that point I gave up trying to figure out what was going on and just went along with the ride. It helps that the three's reactions are so different - Saki is panicking as a normal person would, Yuki is being nonchalant daydreamy Yuki, the other boy doesn't seem to really have an opinion at all (I am mighty curious about him still, I must admit).

You just masterfully build up the tension while everyone's stuck in the house, interspersed with comic relief from Yuki (yakuza, really? Loling forever). And then you end with that massive bang. Beautiful. I mean, I knew Chiharu was connected to all this, but being from some powerful traditional wealthy family? Given the way she acts, I hadn't suspected it at all.

I'm super excited to find out more, so I'll keep on reading.
Bickazer chapter 41 . 8/2/2011
Hell of a cliffhanger!

Well, this was a fun chapter. A nice lighthearted ride, which I think is meant to mostly explore Yuki and Saki's relationship. You seem to like doing that, but I don't mind because I find their dynamic fascinating, too. I especially love the paragraph at the beginning where Yuki muses on what Saki would do to him if he spends too long in the bookstore. These two really do have an easy rapport and it shows in your writing. You know them quite well; nothing about their relationship feels fake or forced.

And lol, once again Yuki gets the completely wrong impression of a situation. Poor Saki...

Chiharu's single-minded pursuit of strong opponents is a pretty common trope in shonen manga, but it usually belongs to hotblooded men, not middle school girls. Another way where you like to subvert common stereotypes. I like her a lot and I hope she has a bigger role to a play. You could do a lot with a character like her.

The big, silent guy hasn't spoken yet, but I get the feeling he's going to be more important. In any event, I'm curious to see more, and definitely itching to see how this cliffhanger will resolve itself, so reading on!
Bickazer chapter 40 . 8/2/2011
Well, this was an interesting chapter. Quite different from any chapter so far, but in a good way.

I like that you're focusing on Saki here, because she's always been one of my favorites. And the opening of the chapter...well, it's a real doozy. I don't believe that the psych ward of a hospital actually works like that, though it makes for dramatic images (and I'm wondering why Takako's parents don't have her see a therapist; that seems like it'd be more effective than keeping her in the hospital, but those are mere quibbles), and I'm glad that you're exploring the ramifications of Yuki recklessly using his powers. Most shonen stories (or action in general) generally ignore the collateral damage, because who cares, cool fights! But they would have a toll on innocent bystanders, so it's good that you're acknowledging it.

After Saki leaves the hospital, the tone noticeably changes. I wouldn't say it becomes comical, but it does become much lighter. And much more bizarre! I lol'ed at Saki protecting some random boy because she thought he was Yuki; that seems exactly like the kind of thing she'd do. And then this little middle school girl obsessed with strength, and a big silent guy... I barely know these characters, but they already seem fascinating to me, so I'm dying to find out what's going on with them! Definitely reading on~
Bickazer chapter 39 . 8/2/2011

I must admit, the fight ended a little more abruptly than I expected. Especially considering how much trouble the assassin gave Yuki and friends in the previous seems strange that Ayumi would suddenly just defeat her like that with some unexplained light-and-wind power. I don't know, feels a bit too convenient.

And...I don't want to sound mean or anything, but it's pretty obvious that you're following a fairly standard pattern for these mini-arcs and, to be perfectly honest, I am getting a little tired of it. Not enough to stop reading, but enough to make me antsy...I'd like something major and game-changing to happen soon, I suppose. Maybe it's because at this point the stakes are still a little low; I mean, the battles are intense, but once they're over there's really not much in the way of an aftermath. I think this might also relate to the whole thing with the interchangeable, uncharismatic villains who don't have names. I'm a bit sad that this assassin was killed so soon because she seeemd quite fascinating, and potentially a strong enough character to act as a recurring villain.

Perhaps at this point that's what you need - a recurring villain to act as an increased, much greater and more personal threat to Yuki.

I don't want to sound like I hate this story, because I don't. I really do love all the characters and their interactions and the battles are as intense to read as always. I just feel that sometimes you focus more on the character development side, to the detriment of the plot side. I love character development, but in shonen manga I'm looking for as much plot as character development (if that makes sense).

But it's your story and I have faith that you know where it's going, and that the stakes will keep on rising. Perhaps I'm complaining for nothing; I don't know, since I have many more chapters to read. So I'll keep on reading.

And I do love that Yuki and Saki wre finally able to talk things out, plain and clear and one-on-one, and they worked everything out between them. And Yuki-Fumiko nerding for the win. Mostly I just love Fumiko, though. XD
Bickazer chapter 38 . 8/2/2011
This has got to be my favorite fight by far. It's intense and desperate, the villain is the most powerful yet, and Yuki's discovering new powers. What's there not to love?

About Yuki's new powers...I'm really loving them, and I love how they're so video-gamey. It makes sense for someone like Yuki. Normally I would complain about a main character having a power like Yuki's, since it would allow him to pretty much create anything he imagined, but it's working well so far because Yuki himself is confused by his power and his power isn't completely godly, either. It's clear that even with his arsenal of videogamey spells, he can't defeat this assassin.

This assassin, too, is a fascinating villain and her powers seem dangerously mysterious (I feel like I've almost got them figured out, but not exactly...I am desperate to know what is going on with them!). I like that she can hold her own against Ayumi, and is even more powerful than Ayumi. Ayumi so far has been able to handle herself well against the assassins, so it's nice to see a villain who poses a challenge. I'm interested in knowing more about this assassin. Maybe even her name will be enough, since it's plain that she and Ayumi know each other.

The descriptions of her costume changes, as well as of Yuki's spells, are quite vivid and evocative. I think it's clear that you are a visual thinker, and that really helps give this a manga-ish tone.

I'm reading on!
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