Reviews for Athenta |
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![]() ![]() ![]() [Claudius was intrigued by the mysterious woman, she was cloaked from head] Comma splice. Period I know for sure would work, but I think a semi-colon could too. [A lovely light voice, he smiled at the figure.] Don't see how these two relate to each other. Is it saying with a lovely light voice he smiled at her? I don't think smiles have tone... I'm thinking "a lovely light voice" was describing the woman. Perhaps you should have a period after voice instead of a comma. [It seemed almost as if the skin that wasn’t covered by her flowing cape turned a light shade of red. She blushed] The two lines are saying the same thing. I say take out "she blushed." [Claudius felt a wave of anticipation, if the rest of her was] Comma splice. Either a period or semi-colon to replace. [The woman raised hers; the cape covering her arm as she extended her hand, Claudius heard the clink of gold, and grinned. ] I think the comma after hand is incorrect. The sentence itself could do with a rephrasing. [so intricate it was, that it only showed up now he was close.] Not sure, but I don't think the comma after was is correct. Speed read, speed read... [“Let me pass”] Missing ending punctuation. [“Crone?” disbelief coloured her tone.] Not a tagline. Disbelief should be capitalized. [he couldn’t believe it,] He should be capitalized. [Athenta grinned, “Part of the crew?] Grinning doesn't make words. Period after grinned. Badass character (I think she killed someone?). - Review Marathon, link in profile. |
![]() ![]() ![]() Brilliant! And I particularly love your use of the word 'sashay'. It's a great word |