|Reviews for Arrogant, Hot, Rich Boys|
| ukrgrl chapter 1 . 12/20/2008
aw well don't feel like criticizing...so! great story ;)
| Brienne Lynne chapter 1 . 12/16/2008
this is pretty good for the beginning! keep it up. the dialogue really draws you in.
| PeterMoore chapter 1 . 12/15/2008
i like the title you have currently. i think this is a very cute oneshot and hilarous as well.
| Twist Their Emotions chapter 1 . 12/15/2008
Cute! I love how simple it is. Great dialogue and nice shifting of power. It was done smoothly.
| dreamforever101 chapter 1 . 12/14/2008
umm ok.. following ur request - here;s what i think:
im not sure what kinda of character the girl is.. she's very inconsistent in my opinion..
You say that she's never seduced a guy before, yet she manages to do this perfectly? is there a reason? is she like really comfortable with this guy? but i gess not, since he is Definitely not very comfortable around her.. and does he like her or something? because of he did, why would he run a way from her? and turning red and stuttering.. all of this seems quote embarassing...
is he shy? becuase that would explain his reactions a lot.. but then again, if he was shy, being so predator like and seductive would totally scare teh poor boy away...
so i guess you might want to flesh out ur characters a little more, give them personalities- making her innocent AND a seductress doesnt really work because the two dont really go hand in hand.. and there is nothing that brings on the change either.. same with the guy.. he cant just randomly go from timid (btw, does he even like her?)to someone who "smirks" and has a "cheeky grin"...
the vocab and the writing is good. :D I think you just want to work on your characters a bit. Make them more consistent. The dialogue is witty as well, you just need to make your characters have the type of personalites that would say stuff lke that..
umm yaa. you said you wanted criticism.. so dont come looking to beat me up now :P
You story is well written (grammer and vocab, sentence variation)! Honest!
| toolazytologin chapter 1 . 12/14/2008
Seriously, the story was good! I liked it. (
| tiger-lily9240 chapter 1 . 12/14/2008
You Wanted People's Thoughts On Your Story So Here It Is:'
I Really Like It!
The Story's Brilliant.
I Love The Storyline! And I Love The Way The Dialoge Tells The Story..
Can't Wait For Your Next Story.
| Pinkamoo chapter 1 . 12/13/2008
Oh yes. AWFULLY pretty.
It was very cute and I like how you made it turn around at the end. Nice work!
| FizzyTwilight chapter 1 . 12/12/2008
I'm not going to critisise. Unexpected! Cute! Everything a romantic story needs.
| Isabel chapter 1 . 12/12/2008
I really liked your story very romantic :)
I think you should stick with your title _
| cookiepiecookiepie chapter 1 . 12/12/2008
that was cool... :)
| peaceout chapter 1 . 12/12/2008
i liked it. Very cute and clever.
| A.Woody chapter 1 . 12/11/2008
personally i liked it...it was short but entertaining
| Narq chapter 1 . 12/11/2008
CRITISIZE? ARE YOU CRAZY? This is the best I've seen! I love it! LOVE it! and just to prove that... I'm adding this story to my favourites. There.
"Arrogant, Hot, Rich Boys" I like better.
Um.. my advice would be that you could right align one person's dialogue, and left align the other... so it's sort of a sight thing.. you know, like peotry.
I don't understand what you mean about changing the dialogue without narration...but I like it this way. The two people talking really draw the reader in like a bait and then the reader's hooked and they just keep and keep on reading.
LOVELY story.. and yes, the review button is pretty
| TwoPeasInAPod chapter 1 . 12/11/2008
I thought you did a great job with this piece!
You were really descriptive and your writing was very creative!
In the begining I think you should have made it more clear as to who is talking, I was a little confused until I got a good way through the story and it would help if you made your transitions a little clearer.
Anyway great job!