Reviews for Finding Hoffa
Mandisaurus-rex chapter 3 . 1/28/2010
Hm, I'm guessing Jimmy Hoffa is a singer? Never heard of him... Please don't hate me lol. Okay, I promised myself that I wouldn't nit-pick this one but I must! I can't resist, it's just SO good that it has to be nit-picked! Don't worry though, there's only, like, 3...or 4...8 tops! P. (I'll just review all the chapters at once to make it less mean lol)

-One morning in the backyard a dog was asleep for over a day as she haven't been able to do so nights prior due to a strange phenomena. (too clunky... and also doesn't make sense. maybe change it to, One morning a dog was asleep in his/her backyard sleeping, which he/she hasn't been able to do in previous nights due to a strange phenomena? something like that)

-a chair suddenly rise up (typo. rise should be rose)

-the dogs starts to bark (dogs started to bark, or the dog starts to bark)

-Seeing this Nadroj starts (comma after this)

-over a day although she did started to eat. (either she did start to eat, or she has started to eat)

-said Michael (same thing with the next line, there should be a period after Michael)

-it could get infected," (comma should be a period)

-said the vet (period after vet)

-you should skip another line between said the vet, nd Hearing this,)

-Not long after some news vans arrives and starts (comma after 'after', should be 'news vans arrived' and starts should be 'started')

-as he disappears (another missed period xD)

-missing periods at the end of sentences in the next three lines

The rest is good though! Sorry for nit-picking, I know that was more than eight...but some people like these things pointed out. Anyways, I'm gonna start talking about the good things! The plot was good, while somewhat short, it captured the moment. The dialgoue between the characters was excellent, and it really contributed to the story! I thought it was funny, and it made me laugh ). If you're mad at my pickiness, then feel free to nit-pick some of my work as payback )

Mandi