Reviews for Ultimatum
effervescent-sentiments chapter 1 . 12/24/2008
There's not really much to critique with this poem. I think that the summary gave it actually ruins the first line - after reading the summary, I was bored with them, when they might've otherwise had greater impact, so I'd change that.

The images you use are a bit cheesy, gaudy, and over-used - but perhaps those are the only images that can be used for the "ultimatum of your desire."

My suggestion would be to use your senses and more concrete images instead of these vague concepts.

Keep writing!

Effervescent-Sentiments
Air Rey chapter 1 . 12/21/2008
This poem is heartfelt. It's deep in the barest sense. It's brief and direct. I like your imagery. You used conceret words that have engraved meanings that made your poem emotionally powerful. Although, some readers (especially those not inclined to read poetry or literature in general) may not easily identify the story in between the lines. You need perhaps to add a more power of emotions. In general, I love the poem. Good job! Hope to read more.
Isca chapter 1 . 12/21/2008
"The beautiful sculpture shaped by the gods and all the angels." This part is glorious! It captures the meaning behind the 'brow line;' whether it be a look of curiousity, confusion, frustration-either way, you captured this moment between two people very well :)

"Forming that miraculous spectacle that continually melts my heart." Stunning imagery here. There's just something unexplainable and beautiful about a moment in a loved one's presence.

Keep up the great work! :)

-Isca (The Review Game)